Where Do We Go From Here?
by LilMissTrouble
Summary: Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps." For Bella, being with Edward never felt peaceful enough. There was always a crowd. And bad timing. Trying to move on seemed like the right thing to do. She can run, but fate is quickly catching up. *AH*
1. Back to School

_**Introduction:**_

_What if Bella and Edward found themselves at the right place at the wrong time? Bella dreads high school and hates Biology. She even loves to hate her lab partner, the impossibly gorgeous and filthy rich Edward Cullen. Bella's only comfort is the company of her good friend Jacob, always looking for a new source of adventure. Bella's hatred for Edward slowly shifts towards an inexplicable attraction but she finds herself tangled in the middle of a complicated web of secrets, misunderstandings and doubt. _

_**We all know Stephenie Meyer was inspired by classics such as Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights and Romeo & Juliet. This Fic has hints of Othello, dashes of Much Ado About Nothing mixed in with our favorite characters and stories from The Twilight Saga.**  
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**_Rated M for mature. Some strong language, sexual content and mild violence._**

_**Disclaimer:** Based on the Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. _

**REVIEWS ARE STRONGLY ENCOURAGED!** DON'T BE SHY! **LOVE IT OR HATE IT, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! **

_THE STORY IS IN PROGRESS AND YOUR OPINION MAY INFLUENCE GREATLY ON THE QUALITY OF THIS FIC! **ENJOY!**_

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**Chapter 1 – Back to School**

_Hey mom,_  
_Sorry it took so long for me to write. Charlie finally agreed to get internet at home so I'm only now hooking up the laptop to my bedroom. Welcome to the 21st Century, Charlie!:)_  
_How's Florida? Have you guys found a house yet?_  
_Today's the last day of Spring Break so I'm back to school tomorrow. Yay. _  
_It's finally getting a little warmer here and I've been hanging out with Billy Black's kid a lot lately. Remember them? Jacob's younger than me but I guess Billy and Charlie forced the boy to show me around Forks and keep me busy. I think Charlie's afraid I might slit my wrists or something if I'm alone too much (!). He's been showing me how to fish. I guess World of Warcraft hasn't arrived in Forks just yet... Don't worry mom, I'm not gonna become an outdoorsy person. _  
_Anyway, gotta go. Got some homework to finish. I hate Biology, mom. There, I said it._  
_Tell Phil I said hi._  
_Love ya,_  
_Bella._

As I hit the "send" button I sighed in relief to be crossing one thing off my long to-do list. I almost felt like writing things down that I've already done, just so I can cross them off and feel better about myself. As I stared blankly at my textbook, I mentally counted how many months until graduation. Until I never had to look at another Biology, Physics or Chemistry assignment again. I still had a good year and change to go. High School was painful. They were not joking about that.

Hopping into bed was my favorite part of the day. Letting my mind drift away, picturing myself far from the small town of Forks, from the rain. Starting fresh, but in a place where everyone is a stranger. Not just me. Not just the new girl from the big city, who was "supposed to have a tan".

I woke up on Monday five minutes before the alarm went off. Charlie was finishing breakfast and getting ready to head out.

"You want some coffee, Bells?"

"I'm good Charlie, I'll just grab a muffin, thanks". Maybe I didn't want to be wide awake for first period Biology. Sleeping through it sounded like a good plan.

"See you later, Bells" As he walked out the door.

"Later." I repeated, mostly to myself.

I couldn't imagine what it must be like for Charlie. Having a teenager living in his house all of a sudden after years of solitude. A loner myself, I tried to stay out of Charlie's hair as much as I could. It mostly felt like we were roommates, rather than father and daughter.

As I began to approach my usual seat in Biology class I was greeted by a frolicking Jessica. She seemed abnormally happier than usual, so bubbly she could burst in fruit flavor.

"Bella! Hi! How was Spring Break? Oh my God, you will not believe who called me, inviting me to Emmett's house party this Saturday! You're going, right? You _have_ to go! Oh my God I need to go shopping in -" I had to interrupt her rant.

"Well, good morning, Jessica!" Maybe I shouldn't have skipped coffee. "_Geez_, slow down, too much energy for such an early hour! What did you say? Who called? What?"  
"Mike!" She whispered, yet still as excited as before. She glanced around carefully before taking a deep breath, eager to continue. But once again, I interrupted.

"That's great! You guys are perfect for each other!" I faked the excitement.

"Oh that party is gonna be awesome! Emmett's family, they throw the best parties. His sister should like, plan parties for a living. Seriously." Her eyes brilliant with enthusiasm.

"That sounds like a profitable career." I trailed, while reaching for the textbook in my backpack.

"Okay, so, we gotta find you a date and we have to go shopping some time this week. I cannot let Mike slip through my fingers this time!"

"Oh no, Jessica. Please _do not _set me up with anyone. Please don't! I'll figure something out. Just don't set me up, promise." I begged.

"Fine. I gotta go, talk to you at lunch!" she whispered after the bell finally rang and the teacher arrived.

Mrs. Cope quickly browsed through attendance and lifted her eyes from the paper she held.

"Isabella Swan? Could you come here for a second?" She asked.

I blushed with a mixture of embarrassment and fear. I knew I wasn't the smartest cookie in the jar when it came to Biology but I hadn't missed any assignments yet. All the possible scenarios for this call ran through my head in flashes while I made my way to her desk.  
"Yes...?" I murmured.

"Hello, Bella. There has been a situation. Tyler Crowley, your lab partner, had some kind of family emergency. He won't be coming back for the rest of the semester." She whispered in a careful tone.

"Oh," I paused. "Is everything okay?" I was worried. But relieved.

"I'm not sure, but you will need a lab partner for your final project in this class. I was wondering if you could switch to fourth period Biology for the rest of the semester? I believe you had that period vacant." It wasn't a question.

"Uh, sure." _Great_. Starting over. All over again.

"Very well. There's a spot waiting for you. Mr. Banner will assign you a lab partner and you're good to go. You can take the rest of this period off." She smiled, trying to make me feel better.

"Cool." I calmly collected my books and left class without looking up once. I didn't care to witness my classmate's speculative glances.

As I unplugged my headphones from my ears, I wondered if 's class would be any better. Wished on my lucky stars for a lab partner who would happily agree to do all the work for me. I walked into fourth period Biology, handed the paper slip to and shyly greeted my new teacher.

"Welcome, Isabella. I have a seat here for you. Your lab partner is Edward Cullen but he won't be back to school for another couple of days."

_Great_. Must be nice. My new lab partner is M.I.A. _Just my luck_.

The fourth period bell rang and as I hurried to gym class, I saw Jessica again. This time she seemed more collected. The adrenaline high must have worn off.

"Hey! They changed me to fourth period Biology. Now I gotta hurry to make it here on time." I panted.

"That's crazy. I heard something happened to Tyler's mom. Weird, huh?" She conversed, while we made our way to the locker room.

"I know. My new lab partner is this Edward Cullen person who's not even here this week. Do you know him?" Trying to fish for information on the loser I already disliked for bailing on me.

"Oh." Pause. "Edward." She raised an eyebrow, enjoying what seemed a private joke with herself. "The infamous Edward Cullen. He's in '_Italy_' right now," She continued, enhancing the word as she bobbled her head with light sarcasm.

"Yeah, I got that much."

"He's Emmett and Alice's brother. They're all adopted, though. The Cullen's are filthy rich. They travel a lot, have one _gazillion_ houses all over the world and throw the most _incredible_ parties." She continued.

"Hm mm." I sighed. What was so special about these kids anyway? Jessica continued without my needing to ask that out loud.

"But Edward and Alice are kind of quiet. Well, Alice is... weird, and Edward thinks he's better than everybody." Jessica almost smirked.

I wondered if one of the most popular girls in Forks High School had been rejected by this Edward Cullen character.

"Well, don't worry Bella. Edward is douche but gets straight A's. You will pass that class!" She assured me. Now for that, I felt real relief.

I went home that day thinking about the Cullen's. I had seen Emmett before, the typical jock. Parading through the school campus with his blond supermodel slash cheerleader girlfriend, Rosalie, who everybody knew and worshiped. Now, Alice and Edward, I had never noticed. But then again, I avoided social interaction with most people in that place. I welcomed those who approached me in a friendly way. But most of the time, they were just interested in staring at the new girl like she was a creature from another planet. This was indeed, a very small, uneventful town.

That afternoon I called Jacob up. I had planned to drive to La Push and meet him at his place. Jacob had a new project for us. He was fixing an old dirt bike and promised to teach me how to ride it. I was never one to enjoy getting hurt. I know my uncoordinated self better than to purposely attract an accident. Here in this town, however, I figured one had to make its own fun. So I would take what I could get and Jacob at least kept me company while Charlie spent long hours at work. I was running out of books to read, and watching TV was just too depressing.

I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and made my way to the Quileute Reservation. I was actually excited to see how much progress Jake had made into that dirty old bike. Auto mechanics seemed like rocket science to me. I had to give the kid props for such talent.

"Jake? I'm here!" I called from outside of the barn that served as a garage.

"Come on in, Bella. My hands are full of grease!" A voice shouted from the very back of the room.

I made my way in, trying not to stumble over the scattered pieces of random car parts and tools, glancing around like walking into a foreign country for the first time. Not that I had ever been outside of the States.

"So what are you working on now?"

"The break lights. It's almost ready. I just gotta fix the tang in the sidestand and a couple of things in the engine and we're good to go!"

I had to chuckle. "You don't need to get all technical on me, Jake. You know I have no idea what you're talking about anyway..."

He shook his head and smiled. Jacob Black had the whitest of teeth, that almost glistened through his tanned skin and dark long hair. Jacob should always smile.  
I sat by a big tire next to his old truck and watched him work on my future disaster. If I didn't find a good bookstore soon, I would probably have to take on skydiving next.

****

Three days went by and still no sign of my lab partner. I wondered how long I was going to be able to keep pretending I had any clue on what our final project was about. Pondered if I was born with some type of mental block for science, in general. The Arts seemed like second nature to me. Reading, painting, cooking and listening to music always relaxed me. Science on the other hand...

On Friday, as I walked through the hallway towards my way to 's class, I was decisive. Enough was enough. This kid was either showing up for class or I was dropping out of Biology. I straightened my back, put on my hardest face, and marched towards Room 213. Taking a deep breath while rehearsing my dialogue in my head, I was ready to confront my teacher with an ultimatum.

It only took me a couple of seconds upon arrival to notice the usually empty seat next to mine had been taken this morning. A statuesque, tall, impossibly gorgeous figure staring in my direction. I could feel my face growing warm and had to look down to bring myself back to Earth. As I rose back up, his curious eyes quietly wondering who the hell I was and what planet I had to be coming from. God, help this pathetic person standing here, clueless. Help me remember why I hate Edward Cullen.


	2. Jump Start

**Chapter 2- Jump Start**

_Breathe, Bella. Remember to breathe._

I chanted silently as I held my books to my chest with unnecessary force. My body stiffened to accommodate my new face, but my eyes instantly focused on every crack of the linoleum as I walked towards my desk. I was safe, as long as I never gave the object of my anger a second glance. I slowly pulled the stool and sat with unusual grace. I'd never been good at confrontation.

"Hello." A mellow voice interrupted my thoughts, penetrating through what felt like my veins. It had the opposite effect of a calm tune. It almost burned.

"Welcome back." I replied. Not a hint of warmth in my voice.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Looks like we have some catching up to do." He continued, coy. Friendly.

His poisonous call cut short by the teacher, coming to my rescue as he began his lecture.

"The first part of your final project is due next Friday, and you need to present me with a theme of your choice by the end of this class. You can take the time now to discuss." He continued, voicing the words of what would become my doom.

"What did you say your name was?" Edward asked.

_Bastard. _At least he was making an easy transition for me. "I never said my name. But it's Bella." I answered, looking straight ahead.

"Having a bad day, Bella?" I could see a grin from the corner of my eyes. Jessica's inside joke suddenly struck a chord with me. He was smug.

"I don't really know what's going on in this class. Feel free to pick whatever theme you like." I don't rant.

"Okay. How about membranes and cell diffusion?" He replied with such confidence on words that I could swear belonged in a different language.

"Sure, sounds good." I muttered as I opened my textbook, searching for some kind of scientific enlightening miracle. Indeed, I had some catching up to do.

Edward used his right hand to quickly snap my book shut while comfortably resting his left elbow on the table. There was a second of silent mockery on his face before he continued "Don't worry about that stupid book. Are you new to this class?"

"They had to switch me here on Monday. So, yes. Sort of." I answered. I wondered if he could already pick up I was new to all things Science, in general.

"You're the new girl. Where did you move from?" He continued, with the same grin. I turned my stare back to the cover of the book.

"Phoenix." My reply, dry like the weather in Arizona. "Shouldn't we be talking about our final project?" I finished.

"Wow, Phoenix. What a transition! There's not much to do around here. You must hate this place already." He didn't seem at all phased by my cutting tone.

"You have no idea. So, our theme, Cell Division -"

"Cell _Diffusion_, you mean." He chuckled again, correcting me. I'm glad I can amuse this clown with my ignorance.

"How are we gonna work on this?" I tried once more, hopefully with success this time.

"We're gonna have to write a thesis about it. For next Friday, we need to show him at least 3 pages worth of research." He answered, this time with straightforward and impressive knowledge on the subject.

"Have you taken this class before?" I asked, surprised.

"No, my sister has. I helped her with her project last year". He bragged.

"So how should we divide the work load?" I tried not to give him room for tooting his own horn too much.

"Divide? Let's get together after school, tonight." He suggested.

I felt my cheeks turn warm again as my eyebrows furrowed.

"The school library, of course." He explained. "Believe it or not, it has a wide selection of technical books. How does that sound?" I couldn't be sure whether he was being sarcastic about that second part or not. But I went along.

"Okay. Sure. What time?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Hm mm," He sighed, looking up. "I have band practice 'till five... How about five-thirty?"

_Band practice?_ I thought. What a geek. Why was this guy really popular again?

"Deal. I'll meet you at the library." I finished.

Mr. Banner approached our table, asking us if we needed any help picking a theme for the project. Edward promptly announced the subject of our work with such pride that lead our teacher to engage in a conversation long enough to make me uncomfortable. I watched the two quietly, relaying microbiology jargon back and forth like they were talking about their favorite sports team. I prayed they wouldn't want to include me and ask for my input.

A resonant buzz alerted us fourth period was over, while the teacher still hovered at our table. But I was quick to stand up, collect my things and bid them with "I gotta go. Gym is all the way across campus". Saved by the bell.

My thoughts paced with me as I rushed to gym. A quick flashback through the last hour showed me how silly I had been for acting blatantly rude towards Edward Cullen. Suddenly I realized I had no real reason for trying to resist that boy's face. He was obviously attractive, but not impossible to resist. I chuckled for acting childish. There was really nothing to resist from. I had a preconceived notion of Edward Cullen painted by my friend's testimony. But I knew dozens of _Edward Cullens_ back in Phoenix. Boys who thought too highly of themselves, and used their charm to get their way in life. Besides that, Edward was harmless. His charm did not work on me. I was vaccinated against men like him.

Gym was short and sweet. We had water polo practice at the indoor pool and I was glad I brought a towel and an extra change of clothes so I wouldn't have to go home then come back to school for the library. No one dared to pass me the ball anymore, so all I had to do was focus on not getting a concussion.

As we were headed towards the changing room, Jessica reminded me. "Hey! You're still going tomorrow, right?"

The party. Alice Cullen's notorious _soiree_ .

"Wow, Jess. I had completely forgotten about that! I don't know..." I had no date, no outfits and apparently, no short-term memory either.

"Oh no, please, you have to come! You will have a great time! Do you want me to find you a date?" She insisted.

I didn't want to upset her. She seemed genuinely interested. "No! Fine, I'll go. I'll just ask my friend Jacob, he won't say no." That was a gamble.

"Great! We should carpool. The Cullen's live just outside Forks. Do you have my number?"

"No, I don't. Let me save it here on my cell," I searched for my phone in my backpack, but then remembered it being left behind, plugged in its charger, by my nightstand. Dammit.

"Ugh, I forgot my phone at the house. Just call it and I'll save it when I get home."

Jessica dialed my phone number from her cell and made plans for us to meet at the Main Street diner at seven pm on Saturday. We exited the gym and went our separate ways.

I didn't mind killing time at school until five thirty. I had homework to do, books to read and music I could listen to. Nothing too exciting was waiting for me at home anyway. At least I would force myself to get work done as long as I was here.

The library was the last building at the end of the campus. It surprised me how grandiose it looked from the outside, given such a small community Forks was. The construction was made of the same brickwork as the general architecture of the school. However, the colors seemed brighter than the rest of the buildings, making me wonder if that facility had been remodeled or expanded recently. Tall glass windows extended from floor to ceiling of the two-story building and the entrance was on the southeast corner, leading me towards the opposite side of the parking lot.

As I headed to the entryway, I was greeted by a reverent yet inconspicuous plaque above the heavy doors that said "Dr. Peter M. Cullen Library". That name. Everywhere. _Geez_. They must own the county or something. At least now I knew why Edward spoke so highly of a school property.

Inside, I was met with equal extravagance. My eyes overwhelmed by the unexpected abundance of books, documents, and high-end looking equipment. I was in geek heaven and I felt a little rush of excitement run all the way to my stomach. The first side-effects of living in a town just over three thousand inhabitants.

I found a vacant table near the main entrance and quickly placed my backpack on one of the chairs, claiming my spot. I decided I would go look first for my favorite novel. Biology could wait. As I browsed through the Classic English Literature shelves, still gasping in amazement, I was met by ten different editions of Wuthering Heights. I randomly picked a lucky winner and made my way back to my table, but not before grabbing three more books and two magazines.

Time slipped my mind as I dived into my books. The clock on the wall to my right showed five-forty-five when I first unglued my eyes from the pages. I hadn't noticed Edward was already fifteen minutes late. Without much worry to preoccupy myself with, I flipped a magazine open and switched my iPod to shuffle mode. It was six-fifteen pm when I started to grow inpatient. I wondered if he had walked right pass me while I had my head buried in my books. I stood up, walking around my desk, stretching my neck to see past the nearby tables and surrounding areas. Nobody that looked like Edward was in sight. I marched towards the front desk, and asked the kind, middle-aged receptionist the question you usually read at the back of milk cartons. No sign of that boy.

By six forty-five my blood had reached its boiling point with my realization. I had been stood up by Edward Cullen. My hands were shaking with anger as I violently shoved my iPod and my notebook in my backpack, ignoring the common courtesy to return the library materials to its shelves. I stormed out of the building only to find myself quickly soaking in the pouring rain that drenched me as soon as I stepped outside. The cold shower that hit my face and ran through my body didn't seem to calm my nerves as I ran towards my truck without even thinking twice. My first judgment call on Edward Cullen had been accurate, after all. The boy was flaky.

My old, red Chevrolet waited alone in the parking lot, surrounded by puddles of water accumulating in the uneven dark asphalt. I could feel slow tears of indignation fighting to pour down from my eyes as I fumbled with my keys to open the door. That's when my already-blurry vision got suddenly blinded by the brightest of headlights.

I didn't bother to look. I was now inside the dry cabin of my truck, and this would soon be over. The same blinding headlights seemed to be getting closer, stronger, while I turned the keys to the ignition without a quick-enough response from my truck. I pushed the clutch pedal harder, making sure I had the shift on the right gear and turned the keys once again. No response. My teeth clenched in agony and exasperation, my body shaking with more impatience. Nothing.

That could not be happening._ Why now?_ I hit my head hard on the steering wheel in disbelief. Deep slow breaths already coming out of my nose before I could think about counting to ten and rationalizing this whole situation. Two loud thumps threw me out of my concentration, almost knocking my heart out through my mouth. I couldn't identify the silhouette covered by the dark raincoat and fog that separated us through the glass. I rolled down the window only to find myself reliving a familiar sense of shock. Edward Cullen, standing in the rain.


	3. The Tempest

**Chapter 3 - The Tempest**

I felt my eyes ready to pop out of their sockets as my body flamed in a mixture of ire and disbelief. Edward stood quietly outside my truck, his hair soaking, even through the raincoat, his lips pressed. I could tell he was mentally bracing himself for the worse.

"Bella." He started, calm and composed, almost deafened by the rainstorm that raged outside, but not alone. Together we could both swallow Edward Cullen with our wrath.  
I considered punching him, right on the center of that pretty-looking face of his. But violence wouldn't get me very far on my Biology project. Besides, part of me was deadly curious to know what kind of excuse he would come up with this time.

I couldn't give Edward the pleasure of seeing how I really felt. I knew how boys could use a girl's weakness to their advantage. I had to keep my cool.

"Where _were_ you?" I glared, raising my voice a couple notches higher than I wanted, just so I could be heard through the storm.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I got caught up. Are you alright?" His last sentence settled me back in my seat. His eyes, staring at me with unparalleled kindness, throwing me completely off guard. Something about Edward Cullen's concern for my well-being confused me.

"My truck won't start." I muttered, bowing my head in defeat.

"Let me take a look at it. Scoot over" He said, as he opened the door, dodging his way in to the driver's seat.

Edward brushed the hood of his dark blue raincoat back lightly with his fingers, then turned the key in the ignition to an unresponsive truck. I sat there quietly watching every contour on his perfectly sculpted jawline, losing myself in each wet strand of his coppery brown hair. I was, too, unresponsive.

"The battery is dead, Bella. You need a jump-start."

_In more ways than one_, I thought.

"Bella?" He called, bringing me back to life.

"Oh. Great. Can you give me a jump-start? I mean, the... the truck." I stuttered.

Edward looked startled, missing my slight, unintentional slip.

"Are you serious? Not in this rain, no. Let me drive you home and we can do this in the morning."

" No!" I cried. "You don't have to. I'll just call a tow-truck or my dad. Just... Go home." The thought of having Edward - or anyone for that matter - going out of his way to help me, made me incredibly uncomfortable.

"Bella, don't be silly. Do you know where you are? We don't have tow-trucks just sitting around waiting for you to call. Look outside." He pointed. "It's pouring! It's gonna be at least another hour until someone comes to your rescue."

Edward was right. We were in Forks. It also didn't help that I had left my cell phone at home that morning. Still, I hesitated.

"Come on, Bella. Let me take you home. I'll drive you back to school first thing in the morning, if you prefer. I owe you for today, anyway." He negotiated. The dimples on the corner of his lips, paralyzing me.

I just nodded, in acceptance. At that moment, Edward had unfair advantage over me.

"Good girl. Let's get the hell out of here." He took off his raincoat in the tight space of the cabin with such dexterity that led me to think it wasn't the first time that guy had been stripping in the confinements of a vehicle.

"Take this." He put the coat around my shoulders, raising the hood to my head. It was just close enough to feel Edward's hypnotic scent wrapped around me. I considered not breathing for the rest of the night, if I could.

He opened the door, letting himself out first, then grabbing me by one arm. We jumped towards his car and he swiftly tucked me in the passenger seat before circling back to the driver's side.

Edward sighed while sweeping his hair out of his face, then turning around to face me.

"I just want to apologize. For not showing up on time." He waited for my reaction.

"What _happened?_" I pressed.

"I got caught up. I told you. Practice took longer than I thought, then my sister -" He hesitated through that part. "Well, like I said, I'm sorry."

I didn't want to press the issue on him. I never appreciated when people pried on me. Those were two strikes, though.

"Three strikes and you're out." I joked, lightening up the air.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Wait, that only counts as one strike!"

He obviously wasn't considering the week he bailed on me while vacationing in Italy, and I didn't want to show him I cared, so I decided to let that one pass.

"Whatever." I said blankly.

"One strike." He repeated.

Edward turned on the stereo as he drove out of the school lot. I leaned back carefully onto the leather seat, discreetly gazing through the interior of that expensive-looking car. The road outside, pitch black. My eyes, distracted by the thousands of little lights and buttons on the dashboard. Suddenly the beat of a quiet drum, the melodic guitar soaring through the speakers diverged my attention to the song we were now listening to.

"I like that. What is it?" I asked, curiously. I've always been a sucker for good music. But that one, I didn't recognize.

"That's my band." He smiled. "That's where I was earlier, practice."

_Oh_. That kind of band. Now _that_ made sense. I was having a hard time picturing Edward playing the trombone for a school marching band.

"What do you play?" I asked.

"Guitar. Vocals."

"What is it called? Have I heard you on the radio?" I asked, doubting about the second part.

He smirked. "'The Cold Ones'. And no, we're not famous or anything. But we're playing at a club in Port Angeles next week. You should come."

"Are you even old enough to play in a club?" I teased.

I could see all his perfectly straight teeth through his quiet, but wide smile. "It's all about who you know!" He flaunted, with a wink. With a goddamn sexy wink. "Besides, most of us _are_ old enough. Jasper's eighteen; James, nineteen, Riley's twenty and I'll be eighteen in June, so."

"Do they go to school with us?" The names didn't seem familiar, it was a small high school.

"Just Jasper. He goes out with my sister."

"I don't think I've seen either of them around school." I said. I didn't even know what their faces looked like, now that I thought about it.

"My sister's quiet. She doesn't have many friends. Yet somehow, a lot of people around here like to kiss her ass." Edward seemed protective of his sister. "Jasper's shy too. Great friend, though. Great heart. My best friend, after Alice. People just don't get them. That's all." He grimaced, in chagrin.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters, Bella?" He turned his face to me when he asked.

"Nope. Only child" _Insert only-child jokes_, _here_. I thought. "Is it just you and Alice?" I asked, bluffing. I knew he was Emmett's younger brother as well, but I didn't want to give too much away.

"Oh no, we're a big family. Emmett's the oldest, then there's Alice and I," He continued. "Bree's the little one. Fourteen. And my parents still want to adopt more."

"Wow."

"They think they're the _Brangelina_ of the Olympic Peninsula or something." He joked, bursting into quiet laughter. I couldn't contain myself and giggled along.

"Are you all adopted?" I asked, biting my lips. I didn't want to be nosy but curiosity got the best of me.

"Yep. But Alice and I are actually the same blood. We're twins, did you know?" He smiled, proudly.

"No, I didn't". I had no idea. But I could understand now, the strong bond between them that he emitted when he spoke of her.

Edward drove so fast it took me a moment before I realized we were only a block away from Charlie's house. But I had never even given him directions to my place. I looked at him suspiciously, obviously surprised by his knowledge.

He gave me a crooked smile, picking up my expression. "Welcome to Forks, Bella. Everybody knows where everybody lives in this town."

It made sense.

"Nice. No need for phone books." I said.

"Makes stalking very easy." He pointed, hopefully, sarcastically.

"Funny. Should I be afraid?"

His eyes, serious, deep. "Very." Edward might as well hook his poison to an I.V. Drip straight into my veins.

He chuckled, bringing me back from my daze."Tell Chief Swan not to worry. I will pick you up in the morning and jump-start that thing you call your truck".

"Don't sweat it, Edward. Charlie can do that. Just... Thanks for the ride." I said.

"Suit yourself. Will I see you at my sister's thing tomorrow night?" He asked.

I wasn't expecting that question. "Uh, yes. Jessica Stanley is making me go."

"Cool. I'll make it up to you then, for you know, bailing." He grinned.

"Whatever. Thanks again for the ride."

The rain seemed to have subsided, something I noticed once I stepped outside of his shiny car.

"Bella?" He called, as I walked towards the front door.

"What?" I turned back to face him.

"Better lock your doors. We like to prey on innocent newcomers while they sleep." He taunted, flashing me again his evil crooked smile.

"Bite me, Edward."

I quietly laughed as he drove away. I was amazed by how Edward Cullen somehow managed to pull off bailing on me, twice, but still making it close to impossible to hate him. Despite the things I had heard about him, Edward seemed kind. I had to give him that. He spoke so fondly of his family, his friends. Maybe he was right. Maybe people just didn't get them.

I opened the front door to an empty home. Charlie was on duty call for the night, like every Friday. The exhaustion from that eventful day suddenly hit me as I looked forward to a hot shower and jumping into bed. Even though I hadn't eaten since lunch, I had no appetite. _Wow, I must be really tired._

Flashbacks from earlier that evening followed me as I made my way upstairs. I struggled to understand how is it that Edward managed to control most of my emotions with just one look. His gaze was so penetrating, it felt like morphine running through my blood, making it nearly impossible to get aggressive towards him.

Analyzing Edward was... hard. But analyzing my thoughts towards him seemed ever harder. I couldn't allow myself to grow feelings for the ultimate high school cliché. Edward meant everything that I avoided. Edward was trouble. And life was complicated enough already.

I let my thoughts consume me to sleep. He was standing outside my car, in the pouring rain. I wanted to scream, but my voice wouldn't come out. I felt a wall between us, shielding him from all my anger. His eyes wouldn't leave my sight, until I could all but remind myself to breath.

Suddenly all around us seemed to disappear except for his stare. I couldn't help but follow every contour of his red lips with thirst. I was thirsty for Edward. His scent, becoming more pronounced as the raindrops streamed down his face to his throat. My own throat burning, throbbing with my heartbeat. I couldn't wait any longer. A heavy pant woke me up. I had been dreaming of Edward Cullen.

****

I woke up the next morning with the sound of the birds chirping outside. I rubbed my eyes and saw the alarm clock on my nightstand said ten-thirty am. _Dammit_. I also realized I never wrote down Edward's phone number. My only hope left was Charlie. Maybe he wouldn't mind giving me a ride to school.

I walked towards my bedroom window, expecting my father's car in the driveway. I had to hold my hand to my chest at the sight of what waited for me instead. I ran downstairs as fast as I could to find my red truck parked right outside of our house. A note, placed on the dashboard, facing me through the windshield that said_ "Don't sweat it."_


	4. The Party Part 1

**Notes: This chapter has 2 parts, posted separately. It is very descriptive, where many paragraphs are absent of dialog. But the chapter is very important for Bella. She goes through a roller coaster of emotions and I wanted this to be a visual and sensory experience for the reader; a sort of introduction to the world of the Cullens. Although they are all human, they still emit a very "magical" vibe.**

**So bear with me! You won't be sorry! Love it? Hate it? Got something to say? PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS!!! **

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**Chapter 4 - Part 1 – The Party**

"_She that was ever fair and never proud,  
Had tongue at will, and yet was never loud."_

_Othello. _

Edward's handwriting was impeccable. His note, quoting me from last night was... irresistibly smug. After seventeen years, I had finally found an opponent up to par with my miscomprehended sense of humor. I spent too many minutes outside, staring at that piece of paper – and probably looking ridiculously stupid to my neighbors - that I had overlooked the most important part: Edward had done something for me. He had driven to school early, fixed whatever problem my truck had, drove it to my house and - God knows how - drove himself back home. All of that while I slept.

The more I tried to picture Edward as the stereotypical douche bag, the more I struggled with the evidence to the contrary. I didn't want to spend so many minutes of my day overanalyzing Edward Cullen. But curiosity, once again, was getting the best of me. Yes... Curiosity. That was all.

I went back upstairs decided to finally get my day started. I had lots of catching up to do: a week's worth of laundry, house cleaning chores, emails from my erratic mother, and of course – missed calls from my cell phone left behind since Friday morning.

I scrolled down through the last unanswered calls, saw what could only be Jessica's phone number and also a new voice mail from Jacob. Great timing. I still had to ask him for that one little favor. I quickly redialed his digits without even checking his message. It only took one ring.

"Hey Bella! What's up?" The voice at the end of the line was easily recognized.  
"Not much, Jake. How's the bike going?" I asked.

"Just finished! It looks awesome. Can't wait to show you and take us for a ride!" He sounded ecstatic.

"That's great, Jake! Actually, I wanted to ask you something..." I almost hesitated. I hated asking for favors.

"Me too. That's sort of why I called you last night." That surprised me.

"Go first, then." I instantly threw the ball to his court.

"Well... I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight. I could come show you the bike and then we could... Go to a movie or something..." He seemed to be struggling a little to let those words come out.

_A movie_? A movie. A date. A "_date, date"_? My eyes spontaneously diverged to that fateful note sitting on my nightstand, now. It suddenly hit me. Flashes of Edward asking me if he would see me tonight at the party flooding my brain with uncharted emotions. Adrenaline rush, perhaps? It was more than curiosity, it was... Euphoria? I couldn't invite Jake to the Cullen's party when I just realized I was looking forward to seeing someone else.

"Er... Actually, tonight I can't, Jake. I have a... thing. A project." I stuttered.

"Oh." He sounded obviously disappointed. I was going to hell.

"It's a school project. It's a big deal and I gotta go to my lab partner's place, so..." It wasn't _entirely_ a lie. Somehow it made me feel a little better when I managed to insert pieces of truth in my subterfuges.

"Okay, maybe some other time?" He replied.

"Definitely!" I said, trying to sound positive.

"So, what was it that you were gonna ask me?" He reminded me.

"Oh. Nothing important, Jake. I forgot. I'll call you if I remember." I trailed.

"Okay, then. I'll talk to you later, Bella." He finished.

"Talk to you later, Jake."

I stared at the phone as I pressed the "end" button, feeling like the terrible person I was for lying to my only friend here in Washington. Sure, I had some of the kids from school, like Jessica Stanley, Angela Webber, Mike, Eric... But they were really just people I shared the cafeteria table with. Jake was a true friend. Someone who I genuinely enjoyed spending time with and I could tell the feeling was mutual. _Edward was making me lie_. I shook that thought off my head quickly, for I could not blame him for deceiving my friend. Edward Cullen had done nothing, and I was solely responsible for acting so selfishly.

*****

Just like we agreed, I met Jessica and Mike Newton at the Main Street diner at precisely seven pm. After hopelessly rummaging my closet for something decent to wear, I decided to keep it casual and just wear my best-fitting pair of jeans with a layered t-shirt and sneakers. I let my hair down from its usual ponytail and wore the minimum amount of makeup necessary. Mostly to just appease Jessica – who I knew would have a coronary if I didn't at least _try_, just a little bit. Needless to say, I felt completely under dressed as soon as I laid eyes on Jessica – and even Mike. Not that I was an expert on the subject, but those two looked like they were ready to hit the clubs in Seattle rather than attending a stupid house party.

We sat in silence for most of the twenty-minute drive that led us to the Cullen's residence. I could tell Jessica's nerves were leaving some damage behind her freshly manicured red nails. The thought of feeling antsy next to Mike Newton made me chuckle inside, distracting from my own anxiety. I had to expel any traces of a possible "girl moment" that I could be having.

"Where's your date, Bella?" Mike Newton interrupted the brutal silence.

"He couldn't come." After a moment of pause. "I sort of left it for the last minute."

"It's no big deal. It's just a house party." He assured me. Making me feel much better about being the stupid third wheel. Little did they know I had ulterior motives for my solo arrival.

"I'm sure there will be plenty of guys for Bella to meet there. Even college guys." Jessica suggested, unaware that the only guy I was after was a Junior in Forks High School.

Mike Newton parked the car just outside of the long driveway that led to the Cullen's main entrance. It wasn't a gated community, but a secluded mansion surrounded by the highest of trees, in the middle of literally nowhere. I would never be able to find this place without a map with specific directions. That safe haven, however, jam-packed with cars tonight. The lights leading the way were dim, but the noise coming from the house gave clear evidence that there was a party going on inside.

Despite the loud scattered voices signaling we were closer to the doorstep than ever, I could hear the music in the background. The song wasn't familiar, but I liked the beat and energy it had to it. Nothing you would ever hear on a popular radio station. The sound had edge to it. I liked that party already. But no one seemed to be bothered by our entrance. We were minuscule next to the entire herd of people that already occupied every squared foot of the wide living area. I couldn't even call that "the living room", as I'm sure they had at least three other common areas in that gigantic mansion. I tried discreetly looking over people's shoulders to spot my specific target, but he was yet to be found.

Suddenly I detected two familiar faces: Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale. Rosalie should be accompanied by her own background music. Every movement she made resembled a shampoo commercial. Her long, thick blond hair, gleaming. Her statuesque figure, her pale skin, complemented by deep green eyes. It was a slap in the face of humanity, if you'd ask me. There was no doubt she would have a promising career as a supermodel. Now, Emmett was a different story altogether. Yes, Emmett Cullen was the textbook poster boy for _Abercrombie_. But despite his obvious good genes and "fashionably sensitive but effortless" style, Emmett was cookie-cutter pretty-boy. He just wasn't my type. It also didn't take me long to notice the couple seemed to have a gravitational pull towards them. People couldn't help staring and inching themselves closer, even covertly.

"Bella, we're gonna hit the bar. Get something to drink. You wanna join us?" Jessica asked, interrupting me from my daze.

"No, Jess. I'm not thirsty yet. Actually I need some fresh air." I replied. I decided I was going outside to the balcony that faced opposite of the entrance, at the far end of that grand room.

I walked discreetly past the crowd, trying to maintain my presence unnoticed as I forced myself to keep my cool, in case Edward showed up out of the blue. I wasn't ready for my encounter yet. I needed a moment to breathe; collect my thoughts. What would I say to him? How should I act? Should I just thank him for this morning? Should I not inquire about _how on Earth_ did he manage to bring my car to my house, without _ever_ having my car keys?

I didn't have time to plan. A cold, but smooth touch grabbed my arm from my back. I didn't have to see the face. I would've recognized his scent anywhere. It sent shivers from the base of my spine to the very last strand of my hair. I paused. I closed my eyes in instinctive reaction.

"Bella." It wasn't a question.

I turned around to face him. The hours I had spent with Edward in my imagination hadn't done him justice. His coppery brown hair, perfectly disheveled. He was wearing a light-blue button-down shirt, rolled up three-quarters of the way, showing off a thick leather bracelet. It had an emblem on it with a symbol that looked like a family crest. The truth was that Edward could be wearing a garbage bag and I would still feel urgently attracted to him. That man would be my kryptonite if I let him. He could strip me from my sanity but I wasn't ready to relinquish control just yet.

"Edward. How did you...? How did you know it was me?"

"I would've recognized you anywhere. Even from your back." He replied with a smile. But reaction seemed to be hypnotized by what his eyes were trying to tell me.

"Why... Is that?" I almost stuttered.

"That's a very good question."

I had no idea what he was trying to say. For the first time with Edward Cullen, I felt lost. Completely and utterly puzzled. I'm sure he noticed, because now he chuckled.

"You obviously don't blend in with the rest of these people, Bella." He said. _Ouch._

"Not that it's a bad thing. On the contrary. Most of these idiots are just here for the free booze." He corrected.

I felt a rush of relief. Suddenly I realized that bewitching effect didn't apply exclusively to Emmett and Rosalie. Women seemed to hover around Edward. I couldn't help noticing the looks they gave us as they passed. Their eyes burned for Edward, as I'm sure their bodies corresponded to the effect. It would probably be wise that I watched my back that night for talking to him.

"Thank you for bringing my truck home." I said. I had to enjoy this moment.

"You're very welcome." He answered with his impossible grin.

"I don't even wanna know how you drove it without its key." I teased.

"Oh for that, you'd have to thank my sister. She gets credit for the grand-theft auto. Although I wouldn't consider that thing you drive, a "grand" anything. No offense." He played.

"Non-taken. But I like my truck. It takes me places." I justified.

My attention unexpectedly diverged to one of the many women that suggestively stripped Edward down with their eyes. Her stare morphed from luscious to vicious in a matter of seconds. I wasn't sure Edward sensed my sudden edge.

The tall, strawberry-blond, menacing-looking woman slowly paced towards us, never moving her eyes off my sight. It happened only too fast for me to fully understand my sense of fear at that moment. She was already distributing one hand over Edward's right shoulder and planting a kiss on the side of his neck.

"There you are!" Her soft, yet deadly voice interrupted us.

Edward slightly blushed. I felt paralyzed, in state of absolute shock; so my emotions were currently suspended to fit any description.

"Bella, this is Tanya." Edward said, in an almost-whisper. His eyes never leaving mine.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, _Bella_. Is that short for something?" The woman asked in an artfully condescending tone, while extending her claws to shake my hand.

_Yes, it's short for 'I want to dig a hole through this deck and just drop. Dead.'_ I thought, while silently extending my hand. But once again, I had to act like I wasn't totally insane.

"Isabella." I replied, quietly. And that was my cue. "Er, Jessica is waiting for me at the bar, so... I'll see you later. It was nice meeting you." I finished, not giving Medusa a last chance to turn me into stone.

I didn't turn around once but I walked away petrified. It was only from the safe distance of the bar that I could properly see what the hell that was all about. I was a masochist, watching that woman wrap her arms around the guy I'd been obsessing over for the last twenty-four hours. They looked comfortable with each other. Laughed while she sipped on her green apple martini – how appropriate – and Edward drank his hard-liquor looking thing.

Defeated. That's how I felt. And I decided then, that hard-liquor looking things seemed like a good way to go tonight. I had lied to my best friend, arrived as a third wheel to a party I obviously didn't belong in. Got my hopes up and then looked like a complete idiot in front of Edward Cullen. Yes, I was going to drink myself silly tonight.


	5. The Party Part 2

**Notes on the Chapter: Some people asked me what was the song played during Bella's entrance at the party, in Part 1. It is _"Slow Hands"_ by Interpol.**

**I may be posting some songs for each chapter. Just random music that inspired me or fit some of the scenes. You can always let me know whether that's a good idea or not.  
**

**Song for this chapter: _"Song for The Leftovers_" by A Camp.**

***Please review, if you can! Love it or hate it, your opinion means a lot!!! Enjoy!*  
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**Chapter 4 – The Party - Part 2**

_"Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death"_

-Ben Jonson

Jess and Mike were nowhere to to be found. That didn't seem to stop me - inebriation couldn't come soon enough. The Cullens' kitchen counter was a full-functioning amusement park. There was no such thing as a plastic cup anywhere in sight, but instead, various shapes of cocktail glasses filled the busy hands of every guest. Like I should've suspected, this was no typical house party. I felt a sense of urgency, as I stood clueless in front of the infinite assortment of bottles of liquor available to us. I was ready for the first ride, and I wanted the fast and dangerous one. But first, I had some deciphering to do.

"Having trouble picking a poison?" A confident, tall, older-looking blond male approached me.

His black leather jacket, beat up white t-shirt and facial hair scruff may have led me to stereotyping, but he looked like it wasn't his first night drinking, unlike me.

"No, I think I know what I want. Tequila." I said, decisive. It only took me a moment to eye the bottle with the familiar brand name stamped on it.

"I like your style! May I suggest an upgrade?" He asked.

"Sure?" _Please do_. Since I'm going to hell...

"Absinthe."

"I thought that was illegal here." I was not expecting _that_.

"It is." He chuckled. "But then again no Cullen party would be a party without Absinthe. They don't do things halfway around here." He smiled and poured me a shot of the green liquid. He grabbed my left hand and gave me a silver, curious looking spoon. He placed a sugar cube on top of it. Finally, he took my free hand and placed the silver spoon over the glass and lit the cube onto a flame with his Zippo lighter. I was amazed.

"I'm James, by the way." He smiled, with the sense of conviction only a man who mastered the art of setting a drink on fire without looking like a pyromaniac could do.

"I'm Bella. Are you a Cullen?" I asked.

"No, I'm a friend. I play with Edward. We have a band." Each sentence uttered reiterated his smug grin.

"'_The Cold Ones_'?" I assumed. That name still amused me.

"That's right."

The sugar slowly caramelized, falling into the glass. I now realized the purpose of the interesting slotted spoon.

"Ready to kiss the Green Fairy, Bella?"

I understood. I nodded my head in agreement and he watched me as I chugged down my drink. If Tanya had somehow managed to paralyze me with her devious stare, the _Green Fairy_ was the antidote: it burned through every pore of my being, waking up senses I didn't know I had. It was painful. Few times had I felt so alive. I couldn't tell whether that was a good or a bad sensation, but I was willing to try again. James stood in front of me, equally amused. I'm sure my eyes gave away my body being on fire.

"You're a trooper, Bella, I'm impressed! But you could've sipped that slowly instead of chugging it down!" He laughed. _Thanks for the warning, James._

"Have I seen you in one of our gigs, Bella?" He asked.

"Oh no." I said. Still coming out of my trance.

"I saw you talking to Edward. Do you go to school with him?"

"Yeah." I couldn't help diverging my eyes back to where Edward stood, this time, surrounded by more women. I was ready for a refill.

"Do you dance, Bella?" James asked, bringing my attention back to the bar.

"Absolutely not. Let's focus on the drinking, James."

"So what is a pretty girl like you doing all alone by the bar at a house party?"

"That's a very good question. I came here with my friends but they're probably making out somewhere and now, here I am." I shrugged, already pouring myself and James a shot each of Tequila.

"That's a shame. Sounds like you should be doing the same thing."

I pretended to ignore what he said and even worse, implied.

"So what do you play, James?" I diverged.

"The guitar."

"Cool." We both clinked glasses in a silent toast – _here's to a fiasco of a night, stranger_ – and chugged down our drinks, hissing through our teeth at the same time.

James kept making small talk with me, but his words seemed to blend in with the background music and all the scattered voices around us. My mind drifted away, carefully observing Edward effortlessly sweeping all those giggly women off their feet . I wasn't one of them. I could never be one of them. I would never have enough clever things to say to impress him. I couldn't flirt with him or use my charm because I had none. I was bland, plain at best. The fact that I was alone drinking myself into oblivion proved how uninteresting I was. James had probably lost a bet. That had to be the only possible reason why he would want to stay and make small talk with someone like me.

"You know, you don't look like you're having too much fun, Bella. Wanna go for a ride?" James asked, while touching my left shoulder.

"Thanks, but no thanks, James. Actually, I don't feel so good. I'll be right back." I said.

"I'll be here, nursing that bottle of tequila for you." He said, with a wink.

The alcohol was quickly kicking in. I could already feel lightheaded and slightly numb. The pain of defeat slowly subsiding, but my already poor sense of coordination had now completely disappeared as a side effect.

The long line of people by the bathroom next to the kitchen area was discouraging. I decided to go off the beaten path and discreetly head upstairs. I felt all the noises from the party slowly fading into one strong pulse of the bass from the music I left behind as I made my way upstairs. The silence I was met with indicated that area of the house was obviously off-limits, but I could worry about breaking the rules later. This was an unusual night, after all.

It wasn't a hallway, like I had expected to be met with, but a rather wide room. Everything was dark, but I could see it looked like another living area and an additional set of stairs that led to yet another upper level. One more glance and I noticed an actual hallway at the end of that room. Hopefully there would be a bathroom in there, somewhere. As I walked towards the first door, I tried my best to stay quiet and not trip over anything that could break, as I'm sure every object in that house cost more than I was worth. I was happy to find the door was slightly open and no one waited on the other side.

It was a bedroom. The full moon was bright enough outside to let just enough light in. The room was spacious, extremely tidy and smelled so clean and fresh. Like lavender. I could tell the room belonged to a woman. I looked around, taking all of that understated luxury in. An atmosphere I had only seen in magazines or on TV. Now that I knew Edward's parents were looking to expand their family, perhaps they could adopt _me_. But my stomach brought me back to reality, I felt suddenly nauseous. To my relief, that bedroom was also a suite.

I locked myself in the bathroom, glad I could still use the friendly moonlight glow to find my way around without turning the light switch on. I was most likely being paranoid, since nobody sounded anywhere near, but it was better to be safe.

All the extra care I'd tried so hard to focus on until that very moment, violently erased. My nausea got the best of me and there I was, understanding for the first time what people meant by '_hugging their toilets_'. My last shred of dignity flushed down while I fell to my knees.

I could still feel the buzz in my head but I felt better and knew I had to go back. I was just about to unlock the bathroom when I heard a voice on the other side of the door, coming from the bedroom. I stood stiff, mentally cursing myself for attracting such awkward situations.

"Why did you invite her, Emmett?" A female voice cried.

"I didn't! She just showed up!" A male replied.

"This is getting out of hand. You know she's just here because of you." The same female voice replied.

"You're being ridiculous, Alice. Besides, the entire state of Washington shows up when you throw one of these parties." The same male voice continued. I had to assume that was 'Emmett'.

"Oh, don't you blame this on me! And what the hell are you doing messing with the mind of an innocent sixteen year old girl, anyway?" The female sounded clearly angry, but her acute little voice still pleasant, despite the edge on her tone.

"Oh, she's not _that_ innocent, Alice. I promise you." That sounded like sarcasm.

"Emmett Cullen, be serious! Not only you are hurting Rosalie, but you have to realize what you're doing will have serious implications for the entire family. You can't be that selfish!"

"There's nothing going on, Alice, I told you! Besides, that whole treaty thing is an urban legend and you know it."

"It doesn't matter, Emmett. _Quileutes_ and _Cullens_ don't mix. You're acting irresponsible! Think of our family, Emmett. This is gonna get ugly. I can see it!" She sounded upset, Her voice breaking, like she was about to cry. My chest felt heavy, a lump in my throat as I quietly swallowed. I wondered if those two had any idea there was a stranger eavesdropping on their tense conversation.

"Alice, stop worrying." Silence. "Fine. Please distract Rose while I do the damage control." He finished.

There was another long moment of silence. I waited, frozen, afraid even the sound of my breath could be detected. But they both seemed to have left the bedroom. _What the hell was that all about? _I thought. But the path sounded clear for me to leave that room at last, I had to take the opportunity fast.

Still I opened the door as quietly as possible, careful to watch my steps in the dark. It was all in vain. I could see the girl from the pictures that ornate the walls of her now fully lit bedroom, sitting on the corner of her bed, weeping. That made me feel even worse. It was one of the moments when I wished I were _literally_, invisible.

Alice Cullen, a petite, dark-haired pixie-like girl, who most resembled a porcelain doll, stared at me, unsurprised. Her sad, distressed look without a hint of anger. Almost as if she knew of my presence, all along. I shivered.

"I... I'm sorry. I had to use your bathroom. I... I wasn't listening..." I stuttered.

"Oh. It's...fine." Now she looked surprised, but still didn't seem angry. Perhaps too upset to care?

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Bella." I kept a safe distance between us.

"Bella Swan?" She asked, almost showing a grin.

"Yes." I answered, curiously.

"I'm Alice Cullen. I helped my brother, Edward, break into your truck this morning. I hope you didn't mind." She extended her arm, while wiping one tear off her face with the other hand.

"Are you kidding me? Of course not! Thank you! Here I am breaking into your bathroom." I pointed.

"Let's call it even." She played, but little amusement seemed to come from her laughter.

"Are you... okay?" I didn't know why I was prying. It must have been the alcohol making me unusually sociable and talkative.

"Yes, I just have a headache. I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay, I'm gonna head out. Just pretend you didn't see me here." I grimaced, still embarrassed.

She laughed her melancholic chuckle again. "_Don't sweat it_. Be safe."

"Thanks. You too." Her words, striking a painful cord in my memory.

"Bella?" She called as I headed out.

"I can trust you to keep this conversation you _weren't _listening to between us, right?" She asked.

"Of course." I assured her.

Even though the nausea was temporarily eased, I didn't feel like myself. I felt stronger, ready to face and beat defeat. My judgment, probably impaired by my still lingering intoxication. Alice Cullen's kindness and unexpected generosity - given the adversity she seemed to be going through herself - gave me an inexplicable sense of hope. But as I walked out of her bedroom, back in the dark, I noticed two shadows moving into a room at the far end of the hallway. I paused when I heard a familiar female voice. The same sharp, venomous sounds that embellished the woman I had met earlier that night.

"Oh Edward, you are bad!" Tanya exclaimed.

That's when my last drop of hope slipped right through my fingers. _Ugh. Can this night be over already? _I had to run downstairs, as quickly as I could, disregarding grace or silence. I just had to run fast enough for Edward not to see me there.

"James, take me out of here." I panted.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" He said.

I was giving him what he wanted.

"My place or yours?" He teased, bringing nausea back to the deepest of my insides.

"Just... Can you take me home, please?" I leaned over to his ear. It was ironic how my feeble attempt at flirting with that guy was just so I could increase my chances of getting out of that night alive.

As he helped me into his car and drove away from that haunted mansion, I gave him directions to my house. Although hesitant and annoyingly insistent, he finally obliged. I sat in silence, looking out the window, praying he wouldn't make me use my can of pepper spray. The sense of deja vu was inevitable - just about a night ago, somebody else was giving me a ride home. Only I didn't feel like puking, crying - not to mention the music selection that was far superior then. Something else was missing. I just didn't want to point my finger at the obvious emptiness I felt.

"So... You and Edward." James surprised me by bringing me out of my daze.

"Excuse me?"

"I saw the way you looked at him. All night. But Edward's bad news, Bella. You deserve better than him."

"You don't even know me! And... Edward and I are just friends. Not even. We just... work on a project together. Ugh, I'm rambling." I had to force myself to shut up.

"I can see the effect he has on you. Edward's favorite game!" He rolled his eyes and giggled. I rolled my eyes in chagrin.

Whether Edward was a player or not, I couldn't know. Nor care, at that point. My head was spinning so fast I had to use all my focus on trying not to vomit all over James' car.

James predictably tried to force himself upon me, but the imminence of my getting sick alarmed him enough to keep his hands off me for the night. I wasn't that naive to overlook what he really wanted. But tonight, at least something was going to happen my way. And as of that moment, I just wanted to go home and feel sorry for myself in the comfort of my own bed. That's all I could think about, as I collected the last ounce of dignity I still had and ejected myself out of his car.

As I fumbled my keys into the door and stumbled over every step that led me upstairs, I knew I was the walking image of an after-school special. I was also finally grateful for Charlie's loud snores, reminding me how deep his slumber usually was. In bed, at last – I had made it. I was physically safe and sound. But now I had bigger monsters to fear. The ones who were about to haunt me in my nightmares.

*****

I woke up to an elephant. Stomping in my head. Out of all the gloomy days in this godforsaken place, the sun had to be shining brightly outside _today_. The only day I ever wished I could be blind. The throbbing pain in my head would've kept me in bed all day if it wasn't for the dryness in my throat, thirsting for any sort of liquid. My mouth tasted horrible, I tried to move as slowly as possible on my way downstairs, trying not to trigger the nausea from last night. My stomach burned and I swore in silence to never take a sip of alcohol again, even knowing that was a promise I was bound to break.

I also prayed Charlie wouldn't be home. I wasn't ready to explain my late night out and the smudged mascara, the mess I probably left behind in the one bathroom we shared, not to mention the smell of alcohol that seemed to emanate from my pores. It only took me a moment to realize, upon my encounter in the kitchen, that I'd be lucky if it were Charlie that I stared at, flabbergasted. Like just my luck, I was doing the walk of shame - in my own home - to no one less than Jacob Black.

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**End notes:**

**T****hat was a difficult chapter to write. Hopefully I will have another fresh chapter before the end of the week. I might edit a few times, making small corrections and such. This is where your reviews come in handy! I'll post any major updates here on the end notes. I hope you enjoy so far! :)**

**Don't be shy! Reviews make me swoon like the giggly ladies Edward charms as he walks by!**


	6. Damage Control

**Notes on the Chapter:  
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**Song for this Chapter: "Why Bother" by Weezer**

**I am loving chapter 5! Writing Jacob Black is a blast! That kid is a lot of fun to put into paper! I can see why Stephenie Meyer decided to expand his role after Twilight.**

**If you have any questions about the story so far, please feel free to ask! I wanna know what you think of it and how you see the story developing.**

**Also, I know I wrote "_some lemonade_" on the story summary. I won't disappoint you! Hang in there, nothing will happen without rhyme or reason. :)  
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*****Please review! Don't be shy!*****

**Enjoy!!!  
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**Chapter 5 – Damage Control**

_"Friendship is constant in all other things  
Save in the office and affairs of love:  
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;  
Let every eye negotiate for itself  
And trust no agent."  
_- William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

Of all the ways I could've imagined getting in trouble because of my bad girl behavior from last night, having to explain myself to Jacob Black, somehow, hadn't made to the list. Needless to say, I was more than surprised and too hungover to prepare any excuse that wouldn't sound as ridiculous as I knew I looked.

"Good morning, sunshine!" With arms crossed, and eyes that did nothing to conceal his mockery, Jacob flashed me his thousand watt smile.

My vision was still blurry but I could see clearly that lying to Jake would be a bad idea. He already looked at me like I had the word "guilty" written all over my face with a red marker.

"What are you doing here so early, Jake?" The first words to come out of my mouth that morning denounced how dry my throat felt.

"Your dad invited me over to watch the football game, but as it turns out, he had to leave to the station. I didn't think you were home, so I was about to head out." This time, Jacob scrolled me from head to toe with scrutiny. I'm sure I was a train wreck, _but damn_, that wasn't helping.

"Oh." I almost jumped at the sight of my own reflection in the glass cupboard as I reached for a coffee cup. My hair was all over the place. My eyes completely puffed up, enhanced by dry, run-down mascara. _Never again_, I thought.

"Are you sick, Bella?" He asked.

"No, Jake. I... I actually went to this party, last night. Last minute thing." It was time to 'fess up.

"Oh." He said.

"I... I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to blow you off. It wasn't like that." I said. I couldn't even make eye contact with him so I focused on pouring myself a hot cup of coffee instead.

"Where's your truck?" He continued.

_Damn_. The stupid truck. "At the diner." I remembered.

"Do you want me to give you a ride there?" He asked.

"You don't mind?" I asked, skeptically.

"Of course not! Are you hungry? We could go have breakfast." He wasn't mad at me. Jacob's generosity upgraded my guilt trip to new levels.

I felt my stomach growling at the thought of that last word. Breakfast. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten.

"Actually, I think I am." I smiled.

I went back upstairs and took a quick shower. I washed my hair twice and let the water hit my skin in the hottest possible temperature I could bear, hoping it would eliminate every last drop of alcohol from my system. I'm sure it would take more than that and I wish I knew better ways to cure and conceal a hangover. I made a mental note to _Google_ that, while mocking my own thoughts for anticipating there would be a "next time" for this stupid drinking endeavor.

Jake waited for me outside by his finished project. The dirt bike he had been working on for the past month was now ready and looking brand spanking new. If I didn't know Jacob Black better, I would've thought that dark-haired, six-foot-two boy was about to get me in all kinds of trouble. And I secretly enjoyed it. But he was the kid who used to make mud pies with me since we were eight. Every Summer I visited Forks until I was about thirteen, Jacob kept me company. He was my only friend here in Washington, and I was happy that didn't change.

"I brought you a helmet," He said. "Thought you would wanna check this thing out. It runs great!"

"There's only one way to find out!" I said, taking the helmet from his hand.

The chilling air blowing against my cheeks and the fresh smell of pine from the humid forest along the road soothed my headache, awaking my senses. I loved the speed and I almost envied how easy Jake made it look as he rode the bike with confidence. I grabbed on to his jacket tightly, but if it weren't for my complete lack of trust in my own coordination, I would've let my hands go and just embrace the wind. I've always wanted to do that riding a bicycle, but I'm the kind of girl who could get into an accident on training wheels.

I couldn't feel any traces of nausea left in my system when Jake parked the bike a few feet away from my truck. That was until the cause of said nausea spotted me. This time, strutting out through the doors of the diner. My stomach felt it before my mind did. The visions I constantly had of Edward Cullen in my head since I'd met him could never do him enough justice. With his dark shades on, Edward walked about 5 yards away from me, towards the opposite end of the parking lot – and never leaving sight of me – looking better than ever. _How was that even possible?_ I stood there, motionless, watching his every movement, the gravel that paved the parking lot serving as his runway. Our minds must've been in synchrony now because he suddenly grinned. My immediate reaction was to look down. It all happened very fast. Edward walked to the driver's door of his shiny silver Volvo, while I noticed his brother Emmett waited, with the window rolled down, in the passenger's seat. Before I flickered my eyes back to Jake's bike, I could swear the last sight I'd caught was Edward's half-laughter. I was mortified.

Jacob finally detached the helmet from his head, placing one hand behind my back, unaware of my sighting.

"Come on, Bella. You can check on your truck later." He said.

Edward's Volvo sped away in silence and as we walked towards the entrance, I couldn't help taking a glance back at the road, but his car was already too far gone.

The hostess sat us at a booth and we promptly ordered our breakfast. As Jacob concentrated on his gigantic stack of pancakes, I noticed that my friend really looked older than he was. Even older than me. He seemed to be growing taller by the minute and his smooth red skin accentuated his long wiry muscles. I almost had to remind myself that boy was only sixteen.

Jacob looked up, interrupting my thoughts, by almost guessing them.

"Bella, I may be young and all, but I can enjoy a party too, you know."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time, Jake." I grinned. "Besides, it was pretty lame, you didn't miss anything."

"From the look you had this morning, it seemed like you had a pretty good time." He said, with a smug face.

"Trust me, I didn't."

"Did you get too drunk?"

"Jake!" I could feel heat flushing my cheeks.

"I'm just asking!"

"A little bit. I'm a lightweight." I rolled my eyes but smiled.

"Where was this party at anyway?"

"Just outside Forks. This girl from school. Alice Cullen." I said while I played with the food on my plate.

"Cullen, huh?" He narrowed his eyes. "In that case, I wouldn't have gone anyway."

"Why not?" I asked, surprised. _Did he know them? _I thought.

"Eh, it's silly, but people from the reservation don't exactly get along with the Cullens."

Suddenly the lightbulb flicked over my head. The memory of Emmett and Alice, arguing last night about how "_Cullens and Quileutes don't mix_".

"Really? Why?" I asked anyway.

"It's stupid. People believe what they wanna believe, but basically the Cullens are filthy rich and greedy. Their family wanted to buy off our land, like thirty years ago, and we just wouldn't take their money. The Quileutes are not for sale, and some people just don't grasp the concept of 'unwelcome'."

"So you guys don't get along?" That was more a rhetorical question.

"Nope. They stay off our land and we don't bond over Thanksgiving turkey or anything."

I scoffed at that thought. And even though I knew what he talked about, my lips were sealed. I promised Alice to never say a word of what I'd heard.

"Are you gonna finish your pancakes, Bella?" He asked, ready to take the rest of my breakfast.

Sunday went by slowly. Jake rode his bike back to La Push and I drove the old red truck back to my house. I had done all my laundry earlier that weekend, caught up with the cleaning chores and was running out of things to do around the house. By the time I finished all my homework, I was wishing Jake could've stayed over a little longer so at least we could be riding his bike or finding something fun to do.

I checked my email and read my mom's updates from Florida. She told me all about the warm, sunny weather and about her new husband's minor league coaching job. She seemed enthusiastic about her life with Phil, making me more secure of my decision to move to Forks and spend time with my dad. My mom deserved it and I had to find it in me to let her know I was in good hands.

***

The next morning, all the buzz in the school hallways and in between lectures plagued around the Cullen's weekend party. The one event I wished I could erase permanently from my memory seemed to be the only topic of conversation available that day. When I saw Jessica and Mike waiting for me at the cafeteria at our usual table, I contemplated making a run for it. But that would only drag the god awful subject through the next day.

"Bella! What happened at the party? You disappeared!" Jessica started.

"I know, I was looking for you guys but I couldn't find you!" I trailed.

"We were looking all over for you too and then _Edward Cullen_ – of all people – said you took off." I couldn't understand what Jessica meant by that, but I was more surprised by the fact that Edward knew I had left.

"We were worried," Mike said.

"How did you get home?" Jessica interrupted.

"I got a ride from this guy, it's all good." I didn't want to explain much further.

"Bella, you bad girl!" Jessica teased.

Mike just sat there and giggled. I instantly switched subjects.

One thing I was not looking forward to was Biology class after lunch. My body had a different reaction, though. I could feel my pulse racing faster as I got closer to Room 213. It felt like my heart wanted to jump out of my chest and have a life of its own. I wondered what kind of joke fate had in store for me that day as I quietly approached my seat next to the boy that I barely knew, yet instigated a small revolution in my world.

"So, did you have fun this weekend?" Edward asked me. His eyes straight ahead at the blackboard.

"What do you mean?" I asked suspiciously, while focusing on my notebook on the table.

"I see you leaving the party with James and the next morning you're with some other guy. You don't seem to be wasting time around here, Ms. Swan." Edward never moved his sight but I could see him grinning from the corner of my eyes.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That sentence really hit a nerve in me.

"Mr. Cullen, in what stage of mitosis do all chromosomes align in one plane?" Mr. Banner asked, interrupting my mortification process.

"Metaphase." Edward promptly answered. I couldn't even begin to understand that question.

Edward probably felt the area was then clear to turn his head to stare at me. He wasn't gonna let this go easily.

"Ugh. It's... not like that at all. Nothing happened between James and me." He didn't have to pose a question.

"And it shouldn't happen. James is bad news, Bella. He's no good for you."

_Funny, that's exactly what he said about you._ I thought, but decided to keep it to myself.

"What about _Evel Knievel_ at the diner? Is that your boyfriend?" He continued.

I rolled my eyes. "No, he's just a friend."

I turned around to face Mr. Banner. Hopefully Edward would take the hint and quit torturing me. I would never ask him about Tanya. I wasn't the inquisitive type. Of course, a part of me itched with morbid curiosity, but why give new dimensions to the existing pain? Every minute I spent next to my lab partner, breathing in his scent, taught me how difficult it would be to not get involved. It only took me small, quick involuntary glances at his hands to feel myself gearing towards inexplicable emotions. The fact that he seemed to care about my personal life did nothing to help my case.

The Bell rang but this time, Edward decided to follow me out of the classroom. I couldn't see why.

"Bella!" He called.

"Yes?" I turned around to face him.

"We should work on our project this week. If you're free, of course." He said.

"Uh, sure. How do you wanna do this?" I was already running late to my next class.

"Gimme your number. I'll call you tomorrow, and maybe we can get together after school."

"Can't we just make arrangements tomorrow, during class?" I started to walk away.

"Bella, stop being difficult. Just give me your number already. Or I can just pick up the nearest phone book." He hovered around me.

"Fine."

I said my phone number out loud while he quickly programmed the digits into his complicated-looking gizmo. I ran off to the gym before I could let Edward see whatever was left of me crumble into pieces. That pathetic behavior of mine had to stop. I had to become immune to Edward if I wanted to survive the rest of the semester with him as my lab partner.

That afternoon, Charlie was finally home after a weekend working long hours at the police station. He looked exhausted, and I decided to prepare him an early dinner. I made him my mom's favorite spaghetti recipe and he practically licked the bowl with enthusiasm. I planned to make home cooked meals a habit to make up for all the junk he probably spent the last thirteen years eating since my mom left.

Charlie went upstairs to his room soon after dinner and by nine o'clock I could hear him snoring away. I closed my bedroom door shut, put on my pj's but couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I kept flicking my bedside lamp on and off constantly for about an hour. Too restless to sleep but too lazy to go downstairs and watch some TV. I picked a book up and was flipping through the first chapter when I heard the buzz from my cell phone. It was a text message.

_What are you up to?_

It came from an unknown number, but the area code was local.

_Who is this? _I typed back.

_Wouldn't you like to know? _It replied.

_Seriously. _I insisted.

_What are you wearing? _Was the message back.

And then, it hit me. It was unlikely, but not impossible. I had given my number to Edward Cullen earlier that day, and that bastard could very well be playing mind games with me. _Unlikely, but not impossible_. My heart raced again.

_Are you going to tell me who you are? _I typed.

_No, I'd rather know your theories._

_I don't have any yet. Are you my stalker? _I sent back.

_Not yet. _Was what I got.

At that point, I didn't care to gamble, so I just went for it.

_Edward, this better be you or this is getting a little creepy._

I waited impatiently for an answer.

_Relax, Bella! Yes, it's me. What are you doing?_

_Can't you just call me and ask? I hate texting_. I typed.

The phone rang almost immediately after.

"Hey." I answered.

"Hey. I couldn't sleep." He said with the smoothest voice.

"So you decided to scare the crap out of someone instead?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Sorry, you just made it very easy. What are you doing?"

"I'm at home. In my bed."

"Can I come over?" He asked. Wait. _Is this a dream?_

"Are you kidding me? No! My father's asleep in the next room!" I whispered.

"Then go for a walk with me."

"What?" _Where the hell was this coming from?_

"We can talk about Biology if you want." He said.

"That will put _me_ right to sleep." I joked.

"Just for a few minutes. I'm in the neighborhood." That voice... killing me. Could anyone combust from a telephone conversation?

"Fine. I'll be outside." I gave in. I accepted before I could think about it too hard.

"Be there in five minutes."

He hung up the phone.

I couldn't believe what was happening to me. Maybe I was really dreaming. A dream I didn't want to wake up from. But I pinched myself a couple of times and drank the cold glass of water next to my nightstand to make sure I wasn't sleepwalking. I felt wide awake. If the water hadn't done it for me, the loud thumps from my chest certainly did. I only had four minutes to get out of my pijamas, to look semi-decent, self-composed and ready to sneak out of my bedroom to go meet Edward Cullen.

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**End Notes: I've been throwing in some "Easter Eggs" here and there. I can't help paying homage to some of the original lines and little hints from Stephenie Meyer's stories and the movies. True fans will pick them up right away. Let me know if you can point them out! :)**

**TIME TO REVIEW! \o/  
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**New chapter as soon as possible... Stay tuned!**


	7. Rabbit Hunting

**Notes on the chapter:**

**Song for the chapter: "In My Waking Life" by Saves The Day and "Epiphany" by Staind. **

**I wanted to give a big THANK YOU to all my subscribers and people who have added my story to their Favorites. You guys keep my creative motor running fast!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm trying to describe Bella a little further, giving her more of an edge. Something I missed in the original Bella.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!! IT HELPS IMMENSELY!!!**

**Enjoy!  
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**Chapter 6 – Rabbit Hunting**

_"Who are YOU?" said the Caterpillar.  
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."  
__Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_

What do you wear when you are sneaking out of your house to go meet someone like Edward Cullen? That was a first for me. I'd never been good at this. I could count in one hand how many times in my life I had been on a real date. But that wasn't technically a date. Or was it? All I knew was that I had no time to overanalyze this situation - like I did with mostly everything in my life – but I had to get a hold of myself and just act like a normal human being. For once. _Step by step, Bella, you can do this_. The voice in my head assured me._ Out of the pajamas, in with a sweater – any sweater will do – and just remember to brush your hair. Your teeth. Brush your teeth! _

Whatever this encounter that was about to take place meant, I had an urgent decision to make. I couldn't let Edward Cullen get over my head, no matter what. For all I knew, he had a girlfriend. For all I knew, he meant nothing but trouble. Perhaps he just happened to be in the neighborhood, bored. I couldn't let excitement impair my judgment. I knew how my emotions could easily reign over my reasoning but on the other hand, the fact that he was the one calling_ me_, approaching _me_, defied logic. Hope was a slippery slope to fall into. As long as Edward kept me in the dark, I wouldn't know exactly what to expect.

Outside the silence was deathly, except for the sound of crickets that composed the background in an expected symphony. It was only drizzling, and the mist that touched my face – mostly covered by my hooded sweater – helped soothe me from the fervor of that moment. I could hear Edward's car approaching quietly around the corner of my house. I could hear it through the gravel. My senses were extra sharp that evening, anticipating every movement, every sound, every sight . Yes, I was being paranoid. I never had to sneak out of my house before. In Phoenix, my mother couldn't care less how late I stayed out – probably because I never did anything interesting to begin with (she was secretly hoping I _would_ stay out late) – or who I hung out with. It was ironic that I had to move to a small, uneventful town such as Forks to get a real rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins: dirt bikes, drinking binges and now, late-night escapades with the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen in person. That was definitely something to write home about. I made a mental note to report this story back to my mother next time I emailed her. That would surely amuse her!

Still, I couldn't help wondering why on earth was Edward calling _me_ – of all people – to keep him company outside of school? Not even factoring in circumstances such as time and place, but... Why me? Why me when he had _Tanya_? I wasn't sure I could hold that question much longer. He would have to give me some answers.

From inside his silver Volvo, Edward spotted me standing outside my doorway, with my arms wrapped around my body, trembling. At least I had the forty-degree weather that night as my alibi to the chills I couldn't hide. He pulled over next to my truck on the driveway, got out of his car but didn't turn the engine off. He opened the passenger door and gestured.

"Bella, get in the car."

"I thought we were going for a walk." I whispered.

"It's freezing outside, get in!" He insisted.

I looked around, making sure Charlie's bedroom lights were still out and none of my neighbors were in sight.

"Fine". I said.

He buckled up and promptly left my driveway.

"You've never done this before, have you?" He asked, rhetorically.

"Where are we going?"

"I hadn't really thought about that. Where do you wanna go?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Edward. It's ten-thirty at night, we are in Forks, Washington. What are our options?" It was hard to hide my sarcasm when the answer seemed so obvious.

"I want you to feel safe with me. I don't wanna take you anywhere you feel uncomfortable." He answered.

"Oh I see. You wanna trick me into trusting you and then going for the kill?" I joked.

"Exactly!" He teased, in a devious crooked smile.

Remember when I told myself I wouldn't let this boy seduce me and get under my skin? Scratch that. For all I knew, Edward could very well be an axe murderer but that wouldn't stop me tonight from being so drawn into him. It most certainly defied logic, I knew that much. Perhaps I had some sort of danger magnet implanted in my brain. But the faster Edward drove, the farther away we distanced from my house, the better I liked it. The truth was, I didn't care where he was taking me anymore. He could be holding a one-way ticket to hell for two, and I would thoroughly enjoy every minute of it.

Excitement compelled me, and trust – who knows where it came from? - pinned me tightly to my seat. If I once wondered, I was now absolutely positive that my lab partner's masculine scent was venomous. It literally made my mouth water. The freezing temperature he had the air conditioner set at didn't stop my fingertips from sweating as they grabbed firmly to the leather seat. I was hoping Edward would give me the answers I wanted to hear.

"Why did you call me, Edward?" I asked, in a quiet voice.  
"That's a good question. I don't know." He looked straight at the road.

"That's a little odd." I responded.

"You know, it still bothers me a little to know that creep, James, knows where you live." He raised an eyebrow and this time, looked at me.

"I thought that creep was a friend of yours."

"Still doesn't change that he's a creep. He's the kinda guy your parents hopefully warned you about."

_What about you, Edward?_ _Are you the type my father would chain me to the basement for? _I thought. Edward seemed a little jealous of James. Was he being protective of me?

"So now that you know I'm perfectly safe... What's next?" I asked. I tried my best not to see my reflection through his dark tinted windows, so I wouldn't burst out laughing at my ludicrous attempt at flirting.

"I... -" He paused. "You seem like the kind of person I could talk to, Bella. It's hard to feel like myself around other girls from school. I couldn't do this right now," He used his finger to gesture the space between us. "With some girl from Forks High. It's... They just don't get it."

"What about Tanya?" The million dollar question. It slipped through my tongue before I could think too much into it.

He chuckled. "Tanya... We've been close since we were kids. We grew up together in Alaska before my family moved back to Forks. She's a great girl." He nodded his head.

_Then why isn't she in the passenger's seat right now?_ I wondered.

"But even Tanya is hard to talk to. She's... got _intentions_... It's complicated." He sighed but continued. "With you, it's different. I don't have to worry about flirting and the physical attraction, silly things like that, you know." He smiled.

I'm sure Edward's words were meant to soothe me. To make it comfortable for both of us. But I swallowed that realization like a bitter pill. I was Edward Cullen's _buddy_.

"But you don't even know me." My voice breaking, almost a whisper. The pain I felt, given away through my tone, though I tried my best to mask it.

"Is it okay if I try, Ms. Swan?" He asked, looking deep into my eyes. The lightness from those words, filling the hole I felt in my chest.

How does anyone - _ever_ - say no to him?

"Do you play poker, Bella?" He interrupted my thoughts. That was random.

"No, I never played. Why?"

"You should. You would always win." He smiled a crooked smile.

"I'm not that great on gambling." I answered.

"You're very difficult to read," He leaned over me and then whispered. "But not impossible."

I'd never been a graceful, skillful person. I had no intention of trying to hide my maladroit mannerisms. The only thing I've ever had on my side was my discretion. So I knew what Edward meant through the card game analogy. If keeping a straight face worked in my favor that night, then I was relieved to know he couldn't read into my feelings like an open book. It would buy me some time until I regained control of my emotions.

The car came to a slow stop. It took me a moment until I realized Edward had pulled over at what looked like the end of a dirt road, by the edge of a cliff. It overlooked the small town of Forks. Most of the lights were out in the tiny little houses I could barely see past the darkness of the trees that filled most of the landscape. The clear sky that glistened with millions of stars offered a different view.

We never left the car.

"Were you asleep when I texted you?" He asked.

"No, I couldn't sleep either." I answered.

"Do you have trouble sleeping?"

"Not usually. Just tonight. Do you?" I asked.

"Sometimes. I get restless. Think too much." He shrugged.

"What do you think about?"

"Mostly music. I write music, sometimes. I just feel like sleeping is such a waste of time."

"Not if you're dreaming." It sounded less corny in my mind. I made a silent vow to think before I said anything else that night.

He chuckled.

"So you compose music?" I asked, with genuine curiosity.

"Yeah, I play the piano as well."

"Wow. What _don't_ you do?" I wondered out loud.

"We're a family of overachievers, Bella." He answered, like that was obvious.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked.

"A rock star." He smiled. "Nah, just kidding. I'm probably going to Med School. Like Carlisle, my father."

"Is that what you _want_?" I asked.

"Yes. I think so."

We looked at each other and he paused. Edward understood what my question meant. He continued.

"It's not that following music wouldn't make me happy, but my family. My family comes first, Bella. My parents have given me everything I could possibly... They gave my brother and sisters a life we never... Even if I did, everything right, I still feel like I wouldn't be giving them enough back." He didn't have to finish his sentences for me to understand that was a difficult subject for him. Edward's connection to his family was admirable. But tough shoes to wear.

"That's hardly fair. I'm sure you make your parents proud already." I assured him.

"I hope I do. But I'm only human." He sighed. "Enough about me. What about you, Ms. Swan?"

"What about me?"

"What's your story?"

"Well, nothing remarkable. My parents are divorced, as you know. I lived in Phoenix most of my life. My mother remarried and I thought I could give her some space. I haven't lived with Charlie since I was four, so..." I pointed.

"It must be hard for you." He assumed.

"It must be hard for Charlie."

"How do you like Forks, so far?"

I shrugged. " It's growing on me."

He looked deep into my eyes. "My father says I'm not the very best judge of character, but I listen to people. And I pay close attention to how they say things. And... you seem very selfless."

"You're wrong. I'm quite selfish." I didn't have to think that one through.

I was selfish in so many ways. Little did he know. For one, I didn't seem to care that Edward just saw me as his "friend". My feelings – that I had been struggling to ignore – could be unrequited yet they didn't diminish the violent urge I had to take his mouth into mine. Thank goodness for my unparalleled self-control. Secondly, I was selfish for giving little importance to Tanya's existence. If Edward were to take me into his arms right now, a girlfriend wouldn't stop me. I hated myself for admitting I had no morals when it came to that man. So maybe it was a good thing, after all, that he didn't want me. That would keep us both safe.

"I doubt that. I don't think you're selfish." He shook his head, bringing my attention back to the present. "Now my sister, Alice, she's very intuitive. She can spot something shady from a mile away. And she seems to like you."

"Wow, I must've done something right." I said. Alice had no idea how badly I'd been corrupting her brother in my fantasies. I chuckled at that thought.

"My sister's often right about people." He completed.

"So, Tanya. Is she your girlfriend?" I asked, in a last attempt to awaken my virtues, my self-preservation, for the sake of both of us.

"Let's not talk about _Tanya_, Bella." He turned the stereo on. "Here. Listen to this. Close your eyes."

Edward was giving me clear permission to embrace a lifetime of sin. Or at least that's how I looked at it. The green light to my deviation. That thought overwhelmed me. I had so much on my plate, so many mixed signals, yet I had very little tools to work with. In my mind, I was already touching Edward's face, taking in his breath and letting it kill me a happy death. But my body stayed anesthetized, glued to the car seat. I lacked a basic force – the courage to run towards my instincts. The will necessary to act without the fear of failure. So I just closed my eyes, obeying his command.

As my eyelids remained shut, it took me a few minutes to finally relax to the song he played on the stereo for me. But with each slow chord, I felt captured by the melody. The cello introduction slowly progressed, bringing in more instruments to the music . Classical. It was a beautiful lullaby. My hands that were once tense against his leather seat, relaxed. My shoulders slumped down and my breath eased. The quality of the sound through the speakers, so crisp, it seemed like the music had texture, depth... I could touch if I tried. I let each instrument take me, until I could barely feel my body anymore. We were no longer in the confinements of that car. We were now lying over a smooth bed of grass, a meadow. Edward slowly leaned closer to me, offering his broad shoulder as a pillow, while I lied beside him. His skin felt cold at first, but warm as my cheek rested over his chest. His strong, protective embrace making me feel wanted. I couldn't wait to see what happened next. The music and his presence sent me on a trance. My head swam under his breath and I remember feeling intoxicatedly immersed like this before. Absinthe. Only this time, good feelings – great feelings - waited for me on the other side of the rabbit hole.

Edward brushed his hand over my hair and I slowly flickered my eyes open so I wouldn't miss the way he looked at me. It was very dark, quiet. No more gentle music. But Edward was still there. He placed a soft peck on my forehead and I realized my fingers still clung to his shirt.

"You fell asleep in my car. I didn't want to wake you up, so I brought you upstairs. I'm assuming this is your bedroom." He whispered.

That had to be a dream. But even in the best of my dreams, I'd never had Edward Cullen, standing beside me in my own bed, kissing me goodnight after carrying me upstairs. That was too real of a dream, too much to handle so I closed my eyes, not moving an inch, afraid I could wake up from that beautiful reverie. I was placed right back in the dark. Although most people want to be in the know, I liked staying there, in the pitch black night. A place where you commonly found fear, there was also room for hope.

It felt like I had been asleep for a very long time. With the sound of the alarm, I sprung out of bed with the impression I was already running late. I was relieved to see the clock said six-thirty, but confused when I noticed I'd been sleeping in the same clothes I wore in my dream. Jeans and the navy blue hooded sweater. I clearly remembered putting on pajamas last night after dinner. But then Edward called. My head was getting clearer. I slowly remembered details from the drive, the conversation we had, the cliff, the stars, his face. I wasn't dreaming after all. Well, I did dream – and it felt amazing – but my encounter with Edward really _did_ happen.

I couldn't believe not only I didn't dread going to school that day, but that I actually was looking forward to it. Every second that passed until Biology class felt like an eternity, and I never ran into Edward in the hallway, or the cafeteria. My usually short attention span was reduced to zero today. Anything Mike, Jess or Angela said just seemed to fade into the background. I focused on remaining quiet - since my mind overflowed with thoughts of the boy I yearned to see, I was afraid I'd blurt out his name by accident, like a person with Tourette syndrome. I felt like a drug addict, waiting for my next fix to kick in.

I was glad I came to my senses long before I could ask Edward in class the ultimate cliché question people often ask after a night of heavy drinking. "_Did we...?_". Yes, we did. In our case, we just went for a ride. As long as I knew our rendezvous wasn't just a dream, I could prepare myself for the best hour of my day. I was out of the cafeteria doors before the bell rang. Obviously so, I was one of the first people to get into Room 213. Even before my usually punctual lab partner.

It took me twenty minutes after class had started before I began losing hope that Edward would show up. Ironically, I caught myself staring at the clock on the wall, now begging time to just stop, so it would accommodate his tardiness and make him walk through that door and sit here beside me. That never happened. The same familiar feeling of chagrin possessed me and now I just wanted to go home and wallow in regret. Regret for letting myself get this far.

By the time the bell rang, I was already rushing out the door and ready to face gym class. Jess could help distract me during that last hour. Or I could spend the entire class running, getting that feeling people often referred to as "runner's high". The junkie that I was wanted to switch from one drug to another.

Jessica was the first person I saw when I walked into the locker room, in the bathroom. She was getting ready for class, and I smiled at her, but she was serious.

"Did you hear what happened?" She asked, while changing into her gym shirt.

I looked around, searching for a possible clue, but nothing."No, what?" I asked curiously.

"Alice Cullen. She was rushed to the hospital."

"What?!" I asked. I couldn't hide my alarm and my head struggled to wrap around that information.

"She passed out, just before lunch, during English. They tried to keep it under wraps, but they took her on an ambulance and everything." Jessica stated each fact, showing no emotion, almost driving me up the wall.

_They_. Who were _they_? Where were_ they_? Did Edward know what happened to his sister? Is that why he was absent from class? What happened to Alice? What could've caused her to collapse and be rushed the emergency room?

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**End Notes:**

**The title is a reference to a jargon in the poker game. _"__Rabbit hunting is a situation where a player wants to see 'what could have been' if all of the community cards were dealt". _Bella is not much of a gambler, but she is putting herself out there. She is slowly throwing caution in the wind and while she thinks Edward is sending her mixed signals, she keeps some sort of hope up, whilst in the dark.**

**The Alice in Wonderland quote shows how much she changes throughout this chapter.  
**

** Like all other chapters, I might make small revisions, additions and updates to this chapter. If I change anything major, I will let you know in the notes. Thanks again for reading!**


	8. Knowing

**Notes on the chapter: **

**Update!!!**** Song for this chapter: "Flowers for a Ghost" by Thriving Ivory. Not familiar with the band but I thought it was fitting for the story in the end of this chapter. There's a cool little New Moon montage with this song on Youtube and I'm a total sucker for Twilight Youtube music video montages! :)  
**

**For some reason this was a very difficult chapter to write. It is the setting for some exciting things to come. I can't wait, but paving that road is hard!**

**Thank you again for reading, subscribing and reviewing!!! I will try to post the next chapter as soon as humanly possible for me!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

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**Chapter 7 – Knowing**

_"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."_

Oscar Wilde

When I was eleven years old, my mother picked me up early from school because grandma Marie was in the hospital. I remember feeling confused, mostly worried for my mother and - strangely enough - almost happy I got to skip class for the first time. It was the last time I saw her. By that evening, grandma Marie had passed away. Also the last time I had been in a hospital.

I remember worrying my mother would never recover, that she would become an orphan and although I would gladly try to fill that gap for her, it would never be enough. I understood Gran's condition but I wonder if my mother did. I kept searching for the appropriate words to say, for the right things to do, making sure my mother felt safe, no matter what.

Today, even barely knowing Alice, my stomach sank. The same urgency to protect someone I cared the world about, overflowed my entire consciousness. The memory of Edward, telling me how his family came first, was all I could hear. The flood of emotions that battled against me to take over my body, in the face of Alice's possible danger, was very much the same flood I swam in six years ago, when I was on my way to say goodbye to Gran.

I didn't question logic or reason. All I know was that at that moment, at that very moment, Edward's well-being was all that mattered to me. And I had to drop everything else, running the risk of being unwelcome, to make sure he knew he was not alone.

I left Jessica Stanley blabbing to herself in the locker room. I know she would find somebody else to gossip with, speculating on Alice's condition, as I could tell she didn't care about the girl's well-being. It was sad to see she was one of them – those who talked behind Alice's back, but made sure they made it to every party she threw, every social gathering, every event. Jessica had given me the information I needed. I didn't bother making an excuse, or wondered if I would get in trouble with the teachers. I packed my things and rushed out through the gym doors, into my truck. I could worry about the consequences later.

There was only one hospital in Forks. At least that part of the search was easy. Charlie once mentioned Dr. Carlisle Cullen – Edward's father – was the chief of surgery at the hospital in town. I'm sure he had to know Alice was coming in. I wondered if Edward was there by her side. If other people from school had the same idea I was having, and possibly crowding the hospital's waiting room, just looking for an excuse to ditch class. I didn't want Edward to think that was my intention. He wouldn't even have to see me there – I just had to make sure they were okay. That he was okay.

It momentarily crossed my mind the possibility of Edward thinking I was a freak, or a stalker for showing up at the hospital uninvited. Hopefully he would know my intentions were the best possible. My hands trembled while I drove, but I tried to stay focused. I couldn't let myself think of the worst. Unlike Gran, Alice was young, things were different. I had to stay positive for Edward and his family. I had no idea what was going on, therefore I had no right to consider the worst.

The sign that led me to the emergency room pointed toward the north side of the big white building. Fortunately, the parking lot was small and very close to the entrance. It very much indicated the size of the town we lived in. Still the building was modern, clean looking and very well kept, much like the library at our school. It was another construction that stood out, making it seem like it didn't belong with the rest of the modest local architecture.

I wasn't surprised when automatic sliding doors greeted me at the main entrance, leading to the reception area. I didn't expect it to be nearly empty, though. Only two strangers sat in the waiting room, watching TV on the flat screen, and the friendly looking receptionist, who flashed me with a warm, welcoming smile.

"Good afternoon, how may I help you?" She asked me.

"Hi, I was wondering if Alice Cullen was admitted here, earlier?" I asked in a quiet tone.

"They're all inside. Are you a friend of the family? Do you want me to page Dr. Cullen for you?" She asked, lowering her voice to meet mine.

I heard the swooshing of the sliding doors that led to the patient's area before I continued. "No, that's not necessary. I was just wondering -" The sight of him interrupted my words and my train of thought. I recognized his walk first, and then I looked up.

"Bella." He said.

"Edward... I..." I didn't know what to say.

He walked toward the receptionist's counter, but he didn't stop. It took me a second to understand he was now holding me in his arms.

Without questioning, pushing all my thoughts to the side, I returned Edward's tight embrace, wrapping my fragile arms around his back, while he hunched protectively over my shoulder. I was the one supposed to protect him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. The sound of his voice muffled through his lips that remained glued to my hair. I felt the vibration from his vocal chords and it sent shivers down my spine.

"I heard about Alice. I was worried." I managed to mutter.

He let go of my arms, and the sudden distance between us made me experience some sort of momentary phantom limb phenomenon. The heat from his body still lingered in mine.

"It was just a scare. Thank you for coming." He said and then sighed. "It feels good to see someone here who's not freaking out." He glanced at the other end of the room and then back to me.

"What happened, is she alright?" I whispered.

"She's gonna be okay. She's very tired. Alice had a small seizure." He paused. Rolled his eyes. "Of course, kids at school are gonna start saying all kinds of shit now, that my sister's a drug addict, or how she's anorexic or something ridiculous. They always do."

"Has this happened before?" I asked.

"A couple of times, but never in school, not like that. She fell in the bathroom. We're lucky Rosalie was right next to her." He said, looking at his watch.

"I heard she passed out in English."

"You see. That's what I'm talking about." He rolled his eyes again.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I whispered.

"It's okay. She's gonna go home soon. Jasper is the one who needs to be sedated, now." He managed to joke."You should go home, Bella. I'm gonna wait for Jasper to come to his senses to give me a ride back to my car, at school. Emmett and Rose are staying here with my father until Alice gets discharged."

"Are your parents okay?" I ventured to ask.

"My mother's in Paris now, she doesn't know. Neither does Bree." He said, carefully. "It was just a scare, like I said."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. I can give you a ride back to school, if you want. I probably need to talk to coach Clapp before I get in trouble for bailing." I pressed my lips and looked down.

"I can forge a note for you, if you want." He smiled.

"You can do that?" I asked, skeptically.

"I can do a lot of mischievous things, Bella." He whispered, looking straight into my eyes without blinking.

"Wow." I spoke my thought out loud.

Edward chuckled.

"I'm going back inside to say goodbye to my sister and my father, and I'll meet you outside, then." He said, accepting my offer.

I nodded and it took me a moment until I turned around to head outside. I also noticed the receptionist looking at Edward as he walked away with the same absorbed stare I probably had. If only I were the sociable type, I'd be nudging her in agreement, giggling and saying something like "I know, right?!".

Edward played with the stereo – that only had a radio – while I drove us back to school. I felt slightly embarrassed that I got such poor reception in that prehistoric thing, but then again, what would you expect from a truck that was old enough to be our grandfather? He managed to find a station to his liking, even though we heard mostly static through the music.

"Hey, my gig is this Friday, in Port Angeles. You should come." Edward said.

"Uh, I'm not even eighteen yet, Edward. I don't _look_ old enough either. I can't get into a club." I muttered that last part.

"Oh, don't worry about that. Jasper can get you a fake I.D. by Friday morning. We can get you in." He said it like it was the most normal thing on the planet.

"Are you sure? I... don't know. That sounds like a lot of work."

"Not for Jasper."

I sighed.

"You forge notes, you know how to get people a fake I.D., your sister can break into cars... Does Emmett rob banks?" I asked, sarcastically.

"No, but he knows how to get himself into some trouble too." He laughed.

"Yet you don't seem like the troublemaking kind, Edward."

"I don't get caught." He almost whispered.

I could feel heat flushing through my cheeks.

"Do you know what caused her to have that seizure, Edward?" I asked. He knew I was referring to his sister.

He looked out the window, pensive. "We have recently found out Alice has epilepsy. She's still undergoing several exams, but we're trying to keep this under the radar, you know. She wants to lead as normal of a life as she possibly can."

"I understand." I nodded.

"Bella, don't believe everything you hear at school about Alice, or me and my family. Emmett is a good sport about it all, and I just don't give a shit, but Alice gets affected by how mean people can be. She seeks their approval, it's heartbreaking. She's a genuinely good person. Kids can be vicious. They can't get under my skin, but Alice is sensitive. But I know you're above these idiots." He looked at me as he said that, and I just nodded in agreement. I had to focus on not getting us into an accident while Edward's face distracted me from everything else that mattered.

'_Chief Swan's'_ forged note excusing me from gym class was flawless. I never really noticed what my father's actual signature looked like, but now I was a little afraid to find out if it matched Edward's scribble. Either way I was thankful to him, feeling bad I couldn't do much to return the favor. It's not like I could offer to do his Biology homework for him.

After dropping Edward off by his car in the parking lot, I decided to stop at the grocery store on my way home and get some food for dinner. There was a small market two blocks away from the diner and although I wasn't sure what kind of food Charlie preferred to eat, I know he would appreciate my effort, regardless of what I cooked.

I noticed Charlie's car parked outside our house as soon as I pulled over into the driveway. Charlie was home early. How unusual.

"Hey, Bells!" I heard my father's voice coming from the living room as I walked through the door.

"Hey dad! I brought some food for dinner. Do you like Mexican?" I yelled, competing with the football game he watched at an unnecessarily loud volume.

I didn't notice Charlie was standing right next to me as I stored the groceries away.

"Oh honey, actually I came home early because it's Billy Black's birthday today. They're having a bonfire by the beach and invited us over."

"Oh." I couldn't remember Jacob mentioning anything to me.

"I know it's a school night, but do you want to come anyway? Jacob and all the kids are gonna be there." He asked.

"Sure. I can make enchiladas some other night."

Charlie petted my hair and smiled, awkwardly. He wasn't used to being taken care of. As I'm sure bringing me along to Billy's birthday bash was also his best attempt at a father-daughter bonding time. I was happy to see my father trying, although I was perfectly fine with being left alone. But I was looking forward to seeing Jacob. After such a tense half of the day, I could use some relaxation.

Jacob greeted me with his usual excitement, baring his bright white teeth, sparkling in contrast to his russet colored skin. I once saw on TV how our brains release endorphins at the sight of babies smiling, as their own little defense mechanism. It was weird, but Jacob had the same disarming power, I wonder if it was just with me.

Billy's house was still the same. That vaguely familiar smell of burning wood, pine and beef jerky, never failed to bring me back to my childhood, when I used to come here during the Summer and play with Jake and his sisters. They were now away, off to college somewhere. Jake was the youngest of three kids, and now there was only Billy and him left, in that tiny little brick red house in the middle of the woods in La Push.

Charlie and I helped Billy and Jacob grab the rest of the food, beer and supplies before heading down to the beach. The weather was nice outside for a barbecue. It was still cold for Spring, but the sky was clear and the wind seemed to have calmed down for the evening. First Beach was only a mile away from Jake's house. I could see there was already a relatively large group of people gathered around a bonfire by the time Billy parked the truck.

We all mingled by the hot dog pit. I noticed they were mostly people from the reservation. I also noticed Jacob and his friends had swallowed at least three hot dogs each while I still nursed my first one. Teenage boys' appetites was something that never seized to amaze me.

"Bella, we're gonna head down to the other end of the beach, where my cousins are having another bonfire. You wanna come?"

"Sure." I shrugged. I looked at Charlie and he silently nodded, knowing I would probably have more fun around people my own age.

Jake was quick to introduce me to his cousins Seth and Leah Clearwater, Embry Call and his friends Sam, Paul and Jared. Seth was the youngest boy, about thirteen while Embry, Paul and Jared were all Jacob's age. They were big like Jake as well. Sam was older, eighteen, and he looked more like a man than the rest of the gang. He was the only serious looking of the bunch as well. All the boys seemed incredibly playful and laid back, throwing marshmallows at each other constantly, while Sam just sat back, watched and shook his head between shy chuckles. Then there was Leah Clearwater. Leah stood at the opposite side I was, quietly watching the boys goofing around. Leah had the most beautiful long dark hair, braided loosely,falling off the side of one shoulder. Like Sam, she was serious, but looked pensive, collected. Her eyes watched the boys intently but her mind seemed to drift someplace else. She almost looked sad, unaware the stick that was supposed to hold her marshmallow actually held nothing at all.

"The boys were telling scary stories before you showed up, Jake." Sam pointed out.

"That really wasn't scary at all." Leah said, waking up from her daydream.

"Do you have anything to top that one, then, _smartass_?" The young boy, Seth, asked, defying his sister.

The boys all laughed.

"I got a pretty good one." Sam said. Surprising even me.

"Let's hear it." Paul said.

Leah raised an eyebrow. I sat down, next to Jake, taking one last bite of my s'more, wondering what kind of tale he was gonna come up with. I've always been very skeptical when it came to scary stories.

"It's Kimi Black's story, Jake." Sam smiled. Jake nodded with a side grin, as if they shared a private joke.

"Bella," Jacob looked at me. "You might like this one. It has to do with those _buddies_ of yours from school, The Cullens."

Just the sound of that name was enough to make my jaw drop ever so slightly. I wonder if they could hear my heart pounding faster, but it was hard enough to keep my eyes from turning wide. Leah also glanced my way with what probably seemed like a mirrored expression. She changed from bored to looking equally surprised and shocked.

Jacob just smiled, turned his head to the rest of the crowd and Sam began.

"A long time ago, Jake's great grandfather, Ephraim Black and his sister, Kimi, used to take walks, right along this beach, most nights when the tide was low. She was about seventeen when she met Peter Cullen, the eighteen year old son of the prestigious Cullen family . His father and uncles used to hunt around here every Summer and I guess this is how they met." Sam spoke very clearly. Every word uttered from his mouth sounded knowledgeable, wise. He definitely fit the role of the storyteller. He continued.

"Kimi and the Cullen boy immediately fell in love but kept their affair a secret because, well, she was the Chief's daughter and the Cullen kid was engaged to a member of a royal family in Italy, or something like that. But somehow, Kimi became pregnant."

"Wow, the plot thickens!" Jared exclaimed.

"It gets better..." Sam raised an eyebrow and continued.

"Upon realizing she couldn't hide it any longer, Kimi finally revealed to our family who the baby's father was and promised the chief that the Cullen boy was going to marry her and make an honest woman of her, even though it was against our tribe's traditions,"

"What was done was done." Jacob completed.

"Ouch." One of the boys uttered, sarcastically.

We all listened, bemused. The boys all had different set of smiles on their faces, like they were watching the most entertaining action-packed movie. Leah had a different expression. Her face was stiff like a stone but her posture was tense. She was watching a thriller instead.

"But Kimi had been deceived. By the next full moon, she had lost all hope. The Chief found out the Cullen boy had fled the country to marry the Italian woman. Kimi had been waiting for him in vain. She was humiliated and couldn't endure the pain and guilt of betraying her father and her tribe. She found it impossible to bear all the shame and heartache. There was no moon in the sky the night she walked towards the highest cliff in La Push – that one over there," Sam pointed to the small isle just north of us. "And decided to jump. Ending her life."

"Did _Peter_ ever know what happened?" I asked.

"They say he did, but he never returned from Italy, and his family tried to keep the story under wraps." Sam answered.

"The Cold Ones." Both Sam and Jacob said at the same time.

"It's what they're called around here." Jacob clarified.

So Edward knew about this story. Hence the name of the band. It couldn't be a coincidence.

"The Quileutes blame the Cullens for Kimi's death and so that's the _real_ reason they have been off-limits since. It was a silent but deadly treaty. People believe the Cullens stay away from La Push because they tried to buy our land off to build hotels and real-estate but couldn't. They supposedly resent us for that and so do we. But some of us believe in something else." Sam pointed.

"So you're saying what really happened was Kimi's story?" I asked.

"That is the legend of our tribe..." Jacob said.

"Some people say they hear what sounds like female voices when the air is misty around the cliffs here in La Push. They believe it's Kimi's and her baby's." Sam finished.

The hair in my arms stood up. The still atmosphere where we all sat, was suddenly interrupted by the smallest breeze, blowing Leah's hair just enough to make her blink. She still held her statue-looking posture, but now I could tell that "scary story" got under her skin. We all looked around at each other, wide-eyed, probably thinking the same thing: _what the hell was that?_

I felt Jacob's strong hand grabbing my arm, like I could fall if he weren't there to support all my weight with his grip.

"Come on, Bella. We should head back, it's getting late."

I just nodded and stood up slowly, saying goodnight to the kids that still sat by the fire. The boys giggled and played around, tossing pebbles towards the ocean as Jake and I walked away. I caught a glimpse of Leah as I turned around, and she still sat in silence, serious, with a blank stare that was hard to decipher.

"You lied to me, Jake. You told me the other day that the Cullens and Quileutes didn't get along because of some real-estate issue." I said, while we walked along the shoreline towards the opposite end of the beach.

"That was just a scary story, Bella. A legend. Nobody knows for sure if it really happened."

"Do you believe it?" I asked.

"I don't know. Who cares? Does it really matter?"

I shrugged. "I guess not."

*****

Charlie drove home through the dark road that took us back to Forks. Kimi Black's story never left my thoughts that night. It made me sad. A woman in love, who carried a child and waited for a man in vain. I wonder if that man, Peter Cullen, ever knew the truth about the girl he'd left behind. I wondered if his family was the one who pressured him or if he never loved Kimi at all. If Edward named his band after his family's _nickname_, he had to know something about that legend. And I also wondered what was his take on the whole thing. That wasn't quite a scary story. But just a very, very sad fairytale with an unhappy ending.

It was only when I got home, in the silence of my bedroom that I'd noticed a text message blinked on my cell phone screen.

_I know u hate texting, but I just wanted to say _

_thank u for showing up today at the hospital. _

_See u tomorrow at school. Be safe._

There wasn't a scary story in the world that could haunt my dreams tonight. I lay awake in bed with a smile stretched from ear to ear, looking forward to Wednesday morning. It was hard to fall asleep that night.

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**End Notes:**

**Also on the same "unhappy fairytale" mood of Kimi's story, "Cold Desert" by Kings of Leon, is also a song that inspired me. **

**Don't be shy and pretty please, review!!!**


	9. The Scientist

**Song for the chapter:**

**Swiss Army Romance by Dashboard Confessional**

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"_Like Pain, fear can be controlled"_

_Joss Whedon._

**The Scientist**

I'd spent the last two days in bliss. I couldn't quite explain how light I felt, as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Things seemed to be falling into place. Forks was really growing on me, my friendship with Jake made the transition even easier, and even Biology was a class I was getting accustomed to. I remember being prepared to loathe my lab partner. My first hateful impressions of him now seemed like a distant memory. So much had changed in so little time. I didn't mind the way things happened to be navigating.

I noticed Alice was back to school on Friday. Edward was right, people were so cruel. Before I could even catch a glimpse of her, the murmurs in the hallway gave away her return and what had been on everyone's minds for the past couple of days. "Alice is a junkie", "Alice is doing blow again", "Alice is dieting like crazy so she can look like Rosalie Hale". How could people lay their heads to rest at night passing on such crude judgment on a girl they clearly envied? I may not know Alice well, but come on, she was obviously not a bad person. What had she done to those people?

I was so disgusted by everyone's sick behavior that I'd decided to sit alone in the cafeteria for lunch today. It felt like I would be an accomplice to their idiotic rumors if I joined them at our usual table. Besides, I had some homework to do during lunch. Our paper for Biology was due in less than an hour and I had to at least prepare myself to defend our dissertation, in case that was brought up. A voice interrupted my thoughts as I struggled to understand the inner workings of cellular division.

"Hey, Bella." A singing voice called.

I looked up. It was Alice Cullen and beside her, the traffic-stopping Rosalie Hale.

"You're on our table." Rosalie said, with mild shock in her voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It was empty when I got here, I can leave-"

But Alice interrupted me. "Of course not! Stay, make yourself comfortable. It's just the two of us today." She smiled.

I eased down and wondered if Rosalie would be just as welcoming.

"I'm Rosalie Hale. It's nice to meet you." The beautiful girl extended her right hand to me with a radiant smile. It was funny how Rosalie had that aura about her, almost as if there was an invisible pageant sash around her torso. She basked in charismatic glow.

I nodded my head and shook her hand, shyly. "Hi, I'm Bella. Swan." I only felt the need to pronounce my last name as an attempt to mimic her articulation. She wasn't just Rosalie. She was _Rosalie Hale_. It kind of made her sound like a celebrity, but her tone was anything but pompous. She was just eloquent.

"Why are you sitting here all alone, Bella?" Alice asked.

I didn't want to tell her the truth and bring more attention to stupid gossip, especially concerning her health or lack thereof. So I lied.

"I just had homework to catch up on. My buddies over there can be a little loud." I couldn't help distilling just a little bit of venom towards them.

"Don't let us interrupt you." Alice smiled, looking at my Biology book with a hint of sarcastic horror.

"It's cool." I put it simply.

I thought about plugging my earphones and turning on my iPod, but that would just be rude.

"So, I went and I got this black sequined top, to match those skinny jeans you saw the other day, remember? I'm wearing it tonight..." Rosalie went on, engaging Alice in a conversation that obviously pertained to only the fashionably aware portion of the table.

"Bella, are you coming tonight?" Alice cut Rosalie's rant in the most polite way I never even thought was possible. Alice obviously wanted to include me in their chit chat. It was sweet.

"Tonight?" I asked. Tonight what?

"Port Angeles. The Cold Ones. My brother is playing at a club. Did he not mention?" She asked so naturally, as if Edward and I were the best of friends.

"Oh. That. Er... I don't know. I'm not sure I can get in."

"I think Jasper got you a fake I.D. That's what I heard Edward say." Both girls nodded in agreement, again, like it was the most natural thing on the planet. As if they were in on some conspiracy I was yet to be filled in.

I just shrugged, with a big metaphorical question mark on my forehead.

"I hope you can come. You will have a good time. Do you want to ride with us?" The musical voice of Alice sang.

Seriously, why was Alice being so friendly? Were people in Forks really that nice?

"Uh, sure. What time are you going?" I asked.

"I'll pick you up at what? Seven, right, Alice?" Rosalie looked at Alice, confirming. Alice nodded.

"Then we can pick you up, Bella. If you want." Rosalie finished.

I was utterly puzzled but I agreed.

"Cool." Rosalie said. "Gimme your address and phone number and we're good to go! It takes about an hour to get to _P.A_. And we might pre-game for a bit before we get to the actual club." She nudged Alice, hinting on a possible joke I missed.

I wrote down my address and cell phone number on a piece of paper from my notebook and passed it along to Rosalie. We all remained on the table for a little while, making small talk, but mostly the two girls asked questions and I just briefly replied. I tried my best to be friendly, it's not that I didn't want to be, it's just that I always felt awkward around new company, especially girls.

Rosalie left the table as soon as she saw Emmett walking in the cafeteria. From the glass window, I could see Edward walked with him outside but never made his way in. After Rosalie had left, we only had a couple of minutes until the bell rang, ending lunch time.

"My brother said you came by the hospital that day," She almost whispered, but in an nonthreatening way.

Before I could answer, she continued. "Thank you." She said.

"Oh, you're welcome. I was worried." I said. She nodded.

We both sat there, in a brief moment of silence. Something told me Alice understood my concern and that it also - and maybe even greatly - extended to her brother. The look she had almost admitted to me out loud that she knew of my feelings for Edward – perhaps because all women felt the same way and she was used to it – yet I didn't feel uncomfortable with her seeing right through me. Just like me, I knew Alice could keep a secret and she wouldn't hold that information against me either.

"Remind my brother about your fake I.D., Bella." Alice broke the silence before we parted ways. "Although I'm sure he won't forget."

No matter how well adjusted I felt in Forks by now, my routine walk to Biology class never ceased to create those uncanny reactions in the pit of my stomach. It was already beyond the conscious level, but rather an instinctive chain of events, like breathing, feeling hungry. Longing for Edward Cullen had become second nature to me. I had to laugh at that realization. It happened every afternoon, without fail. Every time I came close enough to see the sign for Room 213 my eyes triggered the message to my brain. My brain sent the shock wave to my body. I counted the steps remaining. Ten. Nine. Eight. I always had to sigh to try to keep my heart from jumping out of my freaking mouth. Ivan Pavlov would have been proud of this classic case study. That lesson in Biology, I hadn't missed.

Edward looked at something under a microscope when I entered the classroom, buying me some time to put on my nonchalant mask. I sat quietly next to him, dropping my backpack down on the ground quietly. The loud rasp from my stool over the linoleum didn't seem to interrupt his focus. Without ever looking up from the lens, he slided a small identification card my way. It had to be my fake I.D.

I gasped in awe. I wanted to say it looked just like me, but actually it was really me in the picture. The birth date and name obviously altered and it was the first time I was seeing myself in a Washington State driver's license.

"So, what do you think?" He asked quietly, but already sketching a smirk.

"It's... flawless. Perfect!" I said. Not that I ever had another fake I.D to compare to.

"Where did you get that picture?" I had to ask.

"Your school records. You'd be surprised how easy it is to break into those files." He answered, so effortlessly, in the same calm voice from before. Theft to him was so commonplace, I kind of felt like an idiot for asking the question.

"Washington State, huh? Ballsy." I commented.

"What were you expecting? Hawaii? Next time, I'll get more creative, I promise." He joked.

I chuckled and put my perfect little fake I.D away in my wallet before the teacher started his lecture.

"Do you like your name?" He asked, while changing the slide in the microscope.

_Vanessa Wolfe_. Much cooler of a name than Isabella "_Blah"_ Swan. I didn't know you had to change the name but I didn't mind it at all.

"It's cool. Very Agatha Christie." I answered.

He just smiled. I knew Edward had to be proud of his work, or rather, his friend Jasper's work. The teacher never inquired on our project paper due today, but instead, we spent most of that hour examining weird looking cell things on slides in the microscope. I had read the chapter on cell division thoroughly and was half expecting some sort of presentation. I was a little disappointed to be wasting my effort, but it was silly of me to think that way since finals were only a few weeks away.

We were just about to exit the classroom when I realized I hadn't said thank you to Edward for his favor.

"Edward! Thank you!" I called out his name as I caught him leaving.

"You're welcome."

"How much do I owe you?" I asked.

"Nothing, just the honor of your presence tonight."

He walked away before I could say or think any further.

***

I only had about three hours left until Rosalie and Alice picked me up. I wasn't sure who else from school was going, but all around, I felt incredibly awkward about the whole situation. A part of me really wanted to see Edward playing. I already had noticed how he had the most perfect musician fingers. I couldn't wait to see him putting those to good use, although in my fantasies, he hadn't exactly been playing with a guitar. Yes, I had been fantasizing about Edward. It was embarrassing to even admit that to myself. I had turned into just another one of those girls from school, hopelessly attracted to the gorgeous popular guy. I was a walking cliché. But I knew that was just what appeared on the surface. As much as I had tried to label him that way, I had to admit I saw through Edward's façade. And there was much more to admire about him than simply his good looks. Edward had been generous, kind, funny, caring, freaking perfect. The only thing that kept me from actively pursuing him was fear. That enhanced the awkward part of my evening. Fear of what I had seen before, fear of what I didn't know, fear of what perhaps, could be waiting for me tonight. Fear also had a name: Tanya.

There was no way in hell I could compete with a woman like Tanya. Sure, Edward had said things were "complicated" with her, she had "intentions" towards him, but evidence in the past showed me he wasn't exactly averse to her intentions. I must deal with the fact that the other night by the cliff, what happened between us, was just something between friends. Edward saw me as a buddy, he even said so himself. I couldn't draw further conclusions and see myself as one of his potential love interests. I had seen Tanya at the party. She was all woman. With a capital W. I was just a girl. A girl in a position of bargain. I would take what I could get. So little, yet I know I wasn't ready to bite more than I could chew. I'm not sure I even had experience – emotional, physical, overall – to deal with someone like Edward.

It would probably be wise of me to let this go now. Let him go before I get hurt. It is ironic for someone like me, a master of self-control, to have little to zero willpower over this decision. Yes, Edward was definitely my kryptonite.

My thoughts drained me for most of the afternoon. By the time Rosalie called saying she was on her way, I had only ten minutes left to figure out what to wear. Some people work well under pressure. I'm not sure that was the case with me.

The girls arrived a few minutes before seven-thirty. To my surprise, they got out of the car when they saw me waiting by my front door.

"Hey, Bella!" Rosalie said as she put the car keys in her purse and walked towards me, decisively.

I was confused. Where were they going?

"Oh honey, no! We gotta _pimp_ you a little bit. You can do better than that!" Alice said . Something about Alice's singing voice told me she could never unintentionally make anyone feel insulted. No matter what she said.

"It's a club. Even with a fake I.D, we gotta try to look a little older." Rosalie explained. The "we" she put in her sentence strategically made it sound like a collective effort, even though I knew inside I was the only one there looking like an underdressed teenager.

"We're not gonna make you look like a whore, I promise, but let's go check out your closet. Let's see what we can work with." Alice said as she gently grabbed me by shoulders, dragging me back inside the house. "Rose, you got your makeup bag with you?"

"Of course, _dahling_!" Rosalie replied, faking a British accent.

I can't begin to explain how intimidated I felt by the whole situation. Two strangers were about to play dress up on me. I was their guinea pig, no, their Barbie doll. "Charity Case Barbie" was my name. Alice would be utterly disappointed when she saw what kind of closet awaited her.

She opened the two single doors of my tiny little wardrobe (I couldn't really call that a closet) and stationed right in front of it, pensive, hands on her tiny waist. I couldn't wait to see the look of horror on her face. But instead, she smiled.

"Oh girl, you got potential. Not my style, to be honest, but we can definitely go for _Understated __Rock Chick_." Alice suggested while she eyed the disaster in front of her.

She picked up a black tank top I couldn't remember the last time I had worn. She browsed through the three pairs of jeans I had and I know she picked the one with the smallest size on the label on purpose. I cringed at the thought.

In the meantime, Rosalie threw the contents of her makeup bag on my bed and started to rummage through them.

"What shoe size do you wear?" Rosalie asked, not even looking up from her stash.

"Uh, seven. Why?"

"Hmmm... I think I have something in the car for you." She smiled.

Alice cheered in excitement. "Oh, the J_immy Choos_!"

"Just promise me not to drink too much and puke on them. It has happened before." Rosalie said.

I had no idea what they were talking about. Was she gonna let me borrow Chinese takeout?

I changed into the outfit Alice handed me and when I returned from the bathroom, she unclipped a barrette that adorned her hair and attached it to my tank top. It was a brooch. A sequined purple flower brooch.

It took Rosalie fifteen minutes to do my makeup. She explained step by step of what she was doing, although I couldn't register a word. She used technical terms I had never heard of. I really felt like I was in one of those makeover reality shows. They should have snapped a "before" picture of me and get a kick out of it later.

Once it appeared to be done, they backed up a few steps away from me and gazed in awe for the longest seconds of my life. It was time for Charity Case Barbie to check out the "after".

"Oh. My. God." Were my words. It literally took me a second to recognize the person standing in front of the mirror. I had been to school dances before, wedding dates with my mom, but I had never, ever looked this good before with makeup on. It looked natural, beautiful even, and it didn't look like me.

"Wow, huh, Bella?!" Alice said, echoing my thoughts.

"Bet you could get used to this!" Rosalie pointed.

You bet.

"Now let's get out of here. Some fabulous shoes are waiting for you in the car, Cinderella!" Rosalie exclaimed as we all headed out of my bedroom.

I felt good. I won't lie. I wish Charlie was home to see that. I kind of wanted my own background music as we walked downstairs, like a cheesy romantic comedy movie.

Because of their makeover project, we had no time left for "pre-game" and headed straight to the club. The whole ride was a little tense. I didn't know what awaited me once we actually got there.

"Do you think I will get away with my fake I.D?" I asked the girls, while showing Alice the result of her boyfriend's feat.

"Oh, definitely! It's perfect! Wow, Jasper did a good job this time! Besides, Bella, we all use fake I.D's . We go there all the time. You'll see. The bouncers know us and everything."

"Thanks guys, for the little _makeover. _I have to like, take a picture later and send it to my mom!" I joked, shyly.

They both giggled and Alice snapped a picture of me from her camera phone before I could even blink.

"You know, we want you to have a good time there. You're new in town, you gotta have some fun! Not to mention the little _competition_ that awaits you..." Rose seemed to almost mutter that last part. I didn't catch it.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you know, Edward will be playing and so one gazillion desperate women come with the territory..." Rose explained like it was the most natural thing on earth.

But wait. No, no, no. Were they blatantly saying my target there was Edward? No. I couldn't deal with this. With them throwing me at Edward like shark bait. I may not know what I want completely, but I know I don't want to be served on a platter like that. Like food.

"No, guys. It's not like that. I'm not going because of Edward. It's... we're friends. Barely." I explained, trying to sound as coherent as possible.

Alice was admirably diplomatic. "Well, but do you have a boyfriend?" She asked.

"No." I answered, missing her point.

"So, you're single. There will be plenty of interesting people there. I'm sure you wanna look and feel your best. That's all." She finished in her beautiful singing tone.

She bluffed. I bluffed. We should all get together some time and play poker.

We arrived at the club just before nine. A line was already forming outside. Alice took my hand and guided me right behind Rosalie, who already made her way through the crowd and entered a smaller line, separated by a red rope.

"Hello, Ms. Hale, how are you doing this evening?" The bouncer asked her.

"Wonderful, Felix! I brought some new blood tonight!" She grabbed my hand and took me closer to the seven-foot bouncer.

"Hello, Miss...?"

"Wolfe. Vanessa Wolfe." I answered, using my cool alias.

Both girls looked at me and Alice blinked in a way only I could catch. Felix glanced at my fake I.D for only half a second and held the velvet rope for us to walk into the club. I could see everyone else that stood outside in the cold hated us.

The first place we headed to was the bar. The crowd in the club was already forming. It looked about half-full. It was very dark inside, except for the bar area, decorated with bricks and red fluorescent lights. Three men stood by the counter. Two of them I recognized: Emmett and ugh, James. I identified the third one through Alice. She ran towards him and kissed his lips in a tight embrace. It made my cheeks flush a little. That had to be Jasper.

"Well, hello, stranger!" The man who I wish remained a stranger greeted me.

"Hi, James."

"How did you survive the other night?" He asked with his usual smug grin stamped on his face.

What kind of question was that? I mean, I know what it meant but generally you either survive or you don't. There's not much room for a gray area.

"Fine, I guess." I shrugged.

"Ready for a recap? Chelsea, get me two more shots of Patron, please!" He commanded to the bartender behind the counter.

"Uh, I just got here, you don't have to-" I answered. And then I saw him.

It's always the same. No matter how noisy a room may be. No matter how filled with strangers. No matter how dark. No matter how well I think I am prepared. Everything. Stops. My heart even hurts. It really does.

Heartache had a name. Edward Cullen.

* * *

**End Notes:**

**This was more of a two-part chapter that I had to cut so there was room to "breathe". Therefore, an update on the next chapter is due very soon.**

**Stay tuned!**

**The title of this chapter, if you are wondering, has nothing to do with the Coldplay song. But rather multiple references throughout the chapter on the "science" of things and their agents.  
**

**One more thing: I have another story in progress and the first 3 chapters are already online. If you haven't read Breaking Dawn yet, don't bother reading, since it's sort of my own sequel to it. Seriously, it's full of spoilers. But if you are "eligible" to read, it's available on my profile page! Hope you enjoy it!  
**

**Please let me know how you like the story so far and this chapter by leaving a review! Feedback helps like you have no idea! :)**


	10. The Lullaby

**UPDATED/REVISED CHAPTER!**

_I noticed some errors in continuity and grammar so I went and corrected them. If you have read the chapter before, go ahead and take a second look!_ 08/12/09

**Song for this Chapter: Time is Running Out by Muse**

**Fasten your seat belts, readers. I hope you like rollercoasters. :)**

* * *

**The Lullaby**

I watched Edward from where I stood, he was only a few steps away from the bar. A country in between us. He was surrounded by a group of women hovering over him, and their body language told me they were fluent in lascivious. Apparently it was dinner time in the lioness' den.

"Earth to Bella! Take this shot and quit staring. It's rude." James shook my arm, breaking my daze.

I picked up the small glass with the amber liquid. I didn't bother clinking glasses with my partner, just poured the shot down my throat, letting it burn slowly, while my eyes remained closed. Maybe if I kept them shut long enough, James would go away. Courage. Sweet drop of liquid confidence. I had a long night ahead of me. I chased the poison with some lime and the first thing I saw then was James waiting for me with another shot.

"Easy there, James. Trying to get Bella drunk?" My favorite voice spoke.

He was right behind me now, with one hand on the small of my back, before I could even notice. I must have kept my eyes shut for too long.

"I think she's a big girl, Edward. Bella can speak for herself." James replied, with equal parts sarcasm and dryness with a splash of hostility.

"Then let her speak." Edward turned around to stand in the middle of both of us.

I sighed. I was in the middle of two friends. "I'm okay for now." Was all I could utter through my mouth.

I sensed the tension between them, only for a moment. And then James walked away without ever turning around. He went straight for the girls Edward talked to just a minute ago, who were now standing closer to the stage. _Nice, James, way to get your hands on Edward's sloppy seconds_. Smooth.

"James can be such a prick sometimes when he drinks. We haven't even started playing yet and he's already wasted." Edward muttered.

"He didn't do anything bad. He was just trying to be nice." I answered. But I could smell the alcohol in James' breath when he spoke.

"I'm glad you made it, Bella! You're gonna have a good time. I hope you like our music!" He sounded more excited this time. I loved the way he smiled, so happy. I finally saw the resemblance with his twin sister.

"From what I've heard so far, it's pretty great!" I said, already replaying the answer in my head, feeling exponentially stupid by the second.

"So, what do you _really_ want to drink?" His voice, smooth like honey.

Even if I didn't want to, how could I say no? Offer me sulfuric acid, Edward, and I'll be happy to drink it. But now that I was standing face to face with him, I realized some alcohol would actually be nice. That one shot of tequila wasn't doing much to calm my nerves down. At least not quickly enough.

"I don't know. Surprise me!" I heard that in a movie once. It's a teasing way to throw the ball in someone else's court. Of course in the movie, the girl sounded a million times sexier. But I was just happy to even find the courage to say it out loud.

Edward looked at me and gave me a devilish smirk. Alright, it worked!

"Hmmm... I know just the thing for you!" He leaned over to the counter, where the same bartender, Chelsea, waited eagerly for Edward, like there was no one else more important for her to tend to. He whispered something in her ear and she acknowledged it. There was nothing innocent about the way they both smiled.

He turned back around to face me.

"You look beautiful, Bella! I like this shirt on you." Edward changed his features from devil to angel in one point five seconds. I could feel the heat flushing my cheeks.

"Er, thanks. Alice let me borrow this and Rose, the shoes." I touched the purple brooch on my strap, wishing it was some magical button that could make me shut up.

He obviously picked up my embarrassment, he let out a soft chuckle.

Chelsea had two drinks ready. They were both different. One was a tall, skinny glass. It was bright green and it looked like a green apple martini. The other one was a shot. It was dark amber.

"Green apple martini?" I wanted to sound knowledgeable.

"Nope. Just sip it. Tell me what you think."

It was fruity but strong. It burned while it coated my throat. It tasted like melon, licorice, apple perhaps? Things I couldn't quite put my finger on. But I knew it would leave some damage behind. Like the devil in disguise that he was.

Edward took his shot effortlessly and waited for my answer.

"What is it?" I asked.

"_Kryptonite_. Do you like it?"

I had to hold back a chuckle. I had liquid in my mouth. I was this close from spitting it through my nose. He couldn't possibly know. This was obviously some joke life played on me.

"What?" He asked.

"I like it. But it's strong. You wanna get me drunk?"

"I never said I was a good guy, Bella." He winked. Why did he bother giving me any extra kryptonite?

"What did you drink?" I asked, to sound cool.

"Liquid Heroin." He said nonchalantly. "We're going on now, so I'll catch you later, Bella." He touched my arm for a split second.

"Break a leg, Edward!" I called as he left. I closed my eyes as he walked away, still sipping my other kind of poison.

I noticed the club had doubled in population while we talked. It looked even darker than before. The noise from all the people slowly bringing me back to the present, and Alice's comforting singing voice, keeping me aware.

"Hey, Bella, let's get closer to the stage. We won't be able to see much from here."

Jasper had already left for the stage and Rose and Emmett held hands as we walked further away from the bar area.

We stood to the right corner of the stage, the crowd squeezed neared the center, but everyone automatically cleared the path for us, with Rosalie and Emmett parting that ocean, channeling Moses.

Then all the remaining lighting in the club ceased. And the brief moment of pitch-black and silence was interrupted by bright lights that blinked once from the stage, and the beat of loud drums started, competing with the very own thumps in my chest.

The hair in my arms stood up when I saw him, center-stage. The first song was fast, energetic, the guitar blending in perfectly with the drums, and the rest of the instruments joining the melody. And then he sang. I heard Edward's singing voice for the first time live. It was a sexy, gritty howl. I couldn't help closing my eyes to breath all of the music in.

The second song had a different pace to it, but still very engaging. I liked the way the bass played an important part and so did Alice. Her wide smile spread across her face as her eyes glued onto her boyfriend with such a sweet admiration. I wish I could get away with looking at Edward like that. I wish I didn't always have to wear a mask.

It was undeniable the band had stage presence. Especially Edward. I couldn't picture him now in the silence of an operating room (although I'm sure he had the brains to become a brilliant doctor) when it was so obvious he was born to be on stage. While he seemed a bit awkward and quiet at school, the man was shining tonight. I knew he felt at home.

The crowd cheered to every song, and some people even sang along, seemingly familiar with the lyrics.

Rosalie approached me, raising her voice so she could be heard through the loud music."Emmett is going to the bar, Bella. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Sure, what are you having?" I asked. She pointed at the empty bottle of beer she held.

"I'll have the same." I told her. I wouldn't know what to order in a bar besides tequila and _Kryptonite_. But I wanted to keep that as something between Edward and me.

There was a pause between songs. On stage, Edward switched from the guitar he held to an acoustic one.

"We're The Cold Ones." He announced.

I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I'm not sure Edward could see me or even know where we stood in the crowd. I didn't mind the anonymity. I was happy to watch him from afar.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the contact with him earlier, but I was growing courage inside me. I felt suddenly brave. The voice inside my head getting louder, telling me to do something. _That's it, Bella! Tanya or no Tanya, Edward's time is up. If she isn't here tonight to stop you, her loss. _I wasn't waiting anymore. Edward would be mine tonight. I wasn't Bella Swan in that club. I was _Vanessa Wolfe_ - a strange, daring, improved version of me.

Two songs and a beer later and the first set was over. I wanted to check myself in the mirror, touch up my makeup, maybe chug down the extra beer Emmett had brought us before he left again.

"We're going to the bar to look for Emmett, Bella." Rose said.

"Okay, I'm going to the bathroom and I'll meet you guys there." I said.

Not only the bar but now the entire club was completely packed. It was harder to smoothly walk through the crowd without Emmett there to guide us.

Fortunately for me, the bathroom line was still short when I got there. I took one good glance in the mirror while I waited for my turn. I would have to thank Rosalie again for her "smoky eye effect" on my eyes. It really did wonders. I looked good. I felt even better. Who knew the skinny jeans my mom had bought me for Christmas (and I only brought to Forks not to hurt her feelings) could actually flatter the back of my legs? While in the privacy of my stall, I high-fived myself.

"Tanya! You made it!" A voice came from the bathroom. Ugh. I knew it. This was too good to be true.

"I know! Just in time for the second set! I just drove all the way from Seattle." The familiar voice of Tanya spoke.

"I thought you were still in Denali."

"Nope, I'm in Seattle this week. I just got accepted at U-Dub so I'm getting the paperwork out of the way, early." She answered.

"U-Dub? That's great! So you'll be closer than ever to Edward, huh?"

"That's the plan! He's taking me apartment-hunting this weekend!" She sounded excited. I sat there still, hiding in my stall. Listening to my death sentence. Could somebody put me out of my misery already?

"You go, girl! I'll catch you later!" The stranger's voice said.

"See ya!" Tanya ended.

I watched her steps through the stall. Expensive looking shoes. But so were mine. I could do this. I could face my fears. Tonight was about courage, not defeat. Still I waited a few more seconds, to see if she would go away. But she didn't. So I finally decided to come out, before it got too weird.

The thing about Medusa is that you can't help but look. You also cannot help the curse. My bravery dismantled. There wasn't enough kryptonite in my system to defend me. She never gave me more than a quick glance. I could've been invisible for all she cared. Vanessa Wolfe or plain Bella. I was less than nothing to her. She smoothly made her exit and that quick disdained shot at my face sufficed.

Of course this was expected, but one can only hope, right? So sure, I didn't look bad next to Tanya. But I looked like caramel pudding next to a hot fudge brownie sundae. Which one would you pick?

I walked to the bar to find my friends. If I knew them better and if I were the touchy-feely kind, I would've asked them for a hug. Lucky for me the lights were turning out again and it was time to head back. We parked ourselves at the same spot from the last set. Rosalie held out a beer for me and I really wanted to hug her for that.

I spotted Tanya again. She was only a few people away from us. Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae looked my way but she didn't acknowledge my presence, just quickly nodded her head in a silent greeting to Alice and Rose. She was surrounded by equally hazardous girlfriends, who giggled and whispered things in her ear every now and then. Tanya seemed a bit antsy, stretching her neck often towards the corners of the stage, while pressing buttons on her cell phone, constantly.

The lights flickered again and music was playing before I could see the band on stage. Edward looked even better than before. I took a long, heavy sip of beer. My eyes diverged back to Tanya, who was shooting straight at Edward. Unlike me, she wanted to be noticed. It was like every second Edward didn't look her way she grew more anxious. I was so distracted by the new audience that I hadn't noticed until now that Emmett was missing. I saw him briefly at the bar but he didn't return with us.

I tried my best to let the music relax me, take me in. It was hard.

The band cracked jokes in between songs. Tanya laughed with the rest of us, but she still seemed anxious and I was just laughing because I didn't want to cry.

"This next song is new. It's called Bella's Lullaby." Edward announced.

The familiar sound of that name triggered my heartbeat to a dangerous velocity. I'm sure I misunderstood it, but three pairs of eyes darted at me confirming what I had heard. Rosalie and Alice both smiled but the third pair had shock and fire in her eyes. I was still beyond understanding. I wanted to look at Edward. I had to see his face. He had his eyes closed. He was deep into the ballad he sang.

That's when Tanya went from anxious to furious. She whispered something in one of her friends' ear and literally stormed out of the spot where she stood, toward the exit of the club. Now I literally had no idea what was going on.

Rosalie noticed it too. She looked slightly apprehensive.

"Oh, boy." Was all I managed to read from Rose's lips.

Alice didn't seem to care. She rocked her tiny body along with the ballad, that indeed, sounded very catchy. But I was too overwhelmed to register any part of the lyrics. Alice was beaming in happiness, as if the band were playing her favorite song. Maybe the song was "new", like Edward announced, but his sister seemed to already know it very well. Thanks for the warning, Alice.

"The Lullaby" – I couldn't bring myself to say the actual name out loud – ended the second and final set. Now _my_ time was up. Tanya was gone, for all I knew. I had to brush away any insecurities left behind and deal with it. I had reality to face and reality was that Edward had just sung a song with my name on it. He had been flirting with me earlier that night. I had to stop living in denial and actually start to believe there was a guy – not just any guy, Edward – interested in me. It was scarier than I thought. But it's what I wanted. No more wishful thinking. No turning back.

Before I could think any further, Rosalie and Alice geared me towards the bar.

"Let's go find Emmett." Rose said.

With Edward's brother still out of sight, we waited for the bartender's attention for at least five minutes.

"Bella, can you hold our place in line, I gotta run to the bathroom and Rose is gonna see if Emmett's backstage." Alice asked.

"Sure." My body was physically standing, but I could barely hold myself up. Where had all the courage from earlier gone?

People were bumping into me and I looked invisible to the bartender. I missed Vanessa Wolfe.

"Hey, pretty girl! Ready for that second shot?" I recognized James' now very familiar voice. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"I'm alright, James, just waiting for my friends." I answered. The sooner he'd be out of here, the better.

"Come on! Just one drink!" His usual green eyes were dark, his pupils were fully dilated.

I shook my head.

He grabbed my arm, holding me in place. I tried to push his hand away but he had a tight grip.

"You're hurting me, James!"

He didn't look like himself.

"Now you're playing hard to get? Come on, Bella!" His body hovering mine, his face uncomfortably close to my lips. I turned my face to protect myself. I didn't like where this was going.

I tried walking away, but he never let go of my arms. I felt like a puppet as he tried to keep me while I used all the strength I had to push him away. But my strength only allowed me to make slight movements against his attack. I was now regretting never taking self-defense classes.

"James, let her go!"

"Go away, Edward, there's nothing to see here!" James hissed through his teeth.

"I said let. Her. Go!" Edward now growled.

"Shut up, Edward! Are you jealous or just greedy?" James challenged but his words slurred out of his mouth. He pulled me in even closer.

It all happened too fast. I had my eyes trying to focus on getting James' hands off me when I felt his face distancing from mine quickly. I heard a thump. It was a jab. My body ricocheted in reaction and I would've fallen in the opposite direction if Edward hadn't reached for me.

That didn't seem to phase James. He came right back up, closed fist aiming Edward's jaw. He only had enough time to turn his face as my eyes grew wide in horror, James' cross hitting Edward's eye.

I couldn't breathe. The crowd cleared, gasping. My entire body shaking while I tried to move and seemed glued to the ground. Where the hell had Emmet gone? Rosalie? Alice? Jasper? I need some backup!

"Stop!" I managed to cry. "Both of you! Stop!" But my cry was in vain.

Blood ran through Edward's brow bone, I could see his jab also left a cut on James' lips. Both men yelled antagonistic profanities while jumping at each other's throats. I finally tried separating them. Nobody else would move or do anything, as if they watched the two men going at it like it was entertainment. My feeble attempt at stopping the fight only gave me whiplash. I went flying across the small bar area, hitting my head on a column. It would only be a matter of seconds until they finished each other off.

Security came running. It took four huge men to separate the two of them. They were dragging each one to separate exits. All I could see was Edward's face of distress, ghostly and paler than usual. He was looking at me but I couldn't understand his expression beyond the pain. I immediately followed him.

I let the two security men talk to Edward first. It took him a few seconds to calm down, but something told me the men were eager to listen to what he had to say. I just waited from a safe distance. When they finally let him go, I approached.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

"You're apologizing to me? I was the one who caused all that!"

Edward sat down at a bench a few yards from the exit, near the parking lot. Blood still oozing from his forehead.

"I'm gonna get you some ice." I said.

"No, don't worry about it, I'm fine. How's your head?"

I had forgotten all about it. I touched where I hit it and I felt a small bump and thumping. It was nothing. There was no blood.

"Stop being a hero, Edward." I said, while still standing up.

The parking lot was empty, and we were in the back exit of the club. As I looked up towards the east exit doors, I finally saw Emmett around the corner, leaning against the wall. And then I saw a familiar face talking with him. But not who I expected. It was Leah Clearwater, Jacob's cousin.

Shock. My memory flashed all the way back to the party last weekend. The conversation I overheard between Alice and Emmett. "_You know she's just here because of you_". "_The Quileutes and the Cullens don't mix_". And then I remembered Leah's silence at the bonfire while she listened intently to Kimi Black's story. It was a predicament of her own fate.

"Edward, I'm gonna get you some ice. Stay here, I'll be right back." I said while watching over Leah. This night was overwhelming in more ways than I had anticipated.

By the time I approached her in the alley she was alone. She seemed just as surprised to see me there.

"Hey! Bella, right? What are you doing here?" She asked me like I was the intruder.

"I go to school with these people. What are _you _doing here?" My tone was accusing. I knew Leah was younger than all of us. She was about Jacob's age. But that wasn't even the point.

"Er... I know some of the people here. Listen, don't tell Jake you saw me here tonight." She whispered. But she didn't seem nearly as concerned about it as I was. She looked like she enjoyed getting caught.

"Who do you know here, Leah? Emmett? He has a girlfriend, you know." I pressed the issue even harder.

"That's funny, coming from the person fooling around with Edward Cullen while toying with my cousin." She glanced at Edward when she said his name. She knew who he was. She must've seen me with him. But 'toying with her cousin' was a cheap shot.

"Excuse me, Leah?" Every time I said her name, I sounded more annoyed. I kind of wanted to slap that girl.

"Oh come on, Bella! You know Jake has a thing for you. You know what's up. You're no better than me!"

I really hated the condescending tone from her.

"Leah. You should go home now. Isn't it past your bedtime? And you better make sure my friends don't see you." I said every world loud and clear. Looks like I had been saving up all my strength and guts for this moment.

I don't know nor I care how she left. She walked away and took off with a couple of girls I didn't know. I waited to see that she never went back inside. I grabbed a plastic bag with some ice and ran back to Edward. He still sat at the same bench. Alice and Jasper were there with him.

Jasper spoke while I passed Edward the bag with ice.

"I told you he was out of it tonight, man. It was more than booze. We shouldn't have let him play like that."

Edward looked up and gave me a warm smile.

Alice brushed her hand over my arm, protectively.

"Are you okay, Bella?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. How's your head?" I looked at Edward.

"Fine. It's just a cut. But it will look like nothing compared to when I finish him off." He muttered.

"Edward, don't be irrational! You're not gonna do anything else to James because he was not himself tonight and you know the guy is dangerous." Alice was adamant about it.

Edward didn't respond.

"Dude, just let it go. I'll be surprised if he's still in the band after tonight. Just sleep on it." Jasper said in a calm voice. He was the voice of reason.

I couldn't bring myself to be angry at James. At least not at that moment. I was still worried about Edward.

"Bella, Edward is gonna drive you home. Make sure he's okay and doesn't do anything stupid, please." Alice looked at me and then at her brother. "And you, take care of her. She hit her head pretty hard."

Edward looked at her sister with pain in his eyes. I think he wanted to tell her off and apologize at the same time.

Jasper and Alice went back inside and Edward finally stood up.

"Let's get you home." He said, guiding me to his car in the parking lot.

He discarded the leftover ice and wiped the blood off with tissues he had in the glove compartment. He drove quietly. Upset. I wanted to break the ice but I couldn't find the right words to say. I know how annoying it is to repeatedly ask someone if they're okay. So I beat around the bush.

"I ran into someone I know tonight. From the Quileute Reservation." I said. I could trust Edward with that.

"Who? That girl Leah? You know her?" He didn't turn around. He kept his focus on the road.

"Yeah. Do you?"

"Sort of. She's a troublemaker, that girl. She's kind of fooling around with my brother." He said the words I'd feared. He knew about it.

"What about Rosalie?" I whispered.

"She doesn't know, of course." He turned to face me this time. "But Emmett promised me to take care of this. This girl is stalking him more than anything. Please don't say anything to anyone until this is over."

I nodded. I trusted Edward in ways I couldn't begin to explain. It wasn't even questionable. I hope he trusted me too.

"Look, I don't condone this type of behavior, by any means, Bella. But Emmett is my brother. We are there for each other, no matter what the situation is."

Okay, so wrong subject. It seemed like small talk wouldn't happen tonight, so I took a silent but deep breath and addressed the elephant in the room. It would come up sooner or later. Might as well do it while I still had a buzz.

"Uh, that song in the end. The lullaby... What was it about?" I still couldn't say it out loud.

"Do you have to ask? I thought the title was self-explanatory." He turned to face me again. He didn't seem so upset this time.

So many things ran through my mind at once. The memory of that moment, the way he closed his eyes while he sang, Tanya's murderous stare before she stormed out, the joy I was supposed to feel then but could barely register because my nerves were getting the best of me. In a way, I was still in denial.

So I let him drive. I turned my flustered face towards my window. I focused on the road and the trees that flew by as the car sped away. It was a long drive home.

I think Edward noticed my discomfort because he was quick to change the subject and break the silence.

"I'm really glad you came out tonight, Bella, although it ended on such a shitty note. But you look really beautiful tonight. You were kind of glowing."

I'm not sure about glowing, but I had blood flushing my cheeks into probably all shades of red. Edward was repeating his words from earlier in the evening. Back when things were simpler. Whether it was intentional or not, it helped me relax. It brought me back to the first time he'd said that. When there was only hope. And well, my nerves. But hope there was.

"I had a really good time. The band is great. And your sister and Rosalie are so sweet. It was nice to hang out with them." I danced around the topic.

Before I knew it we were two blocks away from my house. I was both relieved and sad. I was beginning to enjoy my evening and my reward too little too late.

The car came to a full stop in front of my house. He took off his seat belt and twisted his body so it would face me. His eyes shooting straight at mine. I got lost in every pigment of his amber colored iris.

"So, Bella. You never told me. What did you think of your song?" He made it official. I could run all I wanted but now it was there, right in front of me. There was no choice left but to face it. To fully brace myself in it.

"It was... really... beautiful." For the lack of a better word. I stuttered. "I... never... I never had anyone-"

My eyes were still open for one second after I was silenced. It took my brain longer than that. But my lips felt it before anything else. Maybe even years before they were ever touched. That's right. Edward's lips touched mine. Softly, first. His fingers slowly grazing my cheek all the way to my hairline, then wrapping around the back of my neck. His breath tickled but I wanted more. His other hand reached my jaw, and then my ear lobe, slowly descending to my neck all the way to my shoulder, in a movement so natural as if my body melted in his hand while it brushed my skin. I only knew I wasn't literally melting because I still had a pulse. It told me I was alive, but not for long.

His lips parted mine open and I forgot to breathe. I wanted to thoroughly enjoy every second and stretch it to make my own eternity out of that moment. I wanted to let my senses tell my brain every step of the way. It wasn't denial this time. It wasn't fear. It was excitement. Urgency. It was the need to hold on to that kiss that I knew would soon be over. And I already missed it in anticipation. Because even my forever wasn't long enough.

The best part was coming next. His mouth moved away from mine but before I could feel the cold air in between us, he leaned over and pulled me into his arms.

It was the first time I felt at home in Forks.

His face was penetrating through my hair but it didn't bother him. I finally let myself breath in. There it was. That scent that chased me even in the darkness while I slept miles away from him. I took a whiff of it and let it enter my body like I could see it running through my veins between my blood cells. Like it belonged with me now.

He slowly pulled away and smiled. I know I smiled back but it just happened, I didn't think to do it or remember moving my lips. He brushed one streak of my hair that fell over my eyes and sighed.

"You better go, now. I don't want Chief Swan running after us with a shotgun. Not after tonight." He managed to joke.

I couldn't think of a smart or quick enough comeback.

"I'll talk to you later. Take care of that bump in your head. Have a good night, Bella." He whispered.

I was still flabbergasted.

"Good night, Edward. Drive safely." I managed to say.

"Will do."

I was living my twenty-first century fairytale. My fairy godmothers had dressed me up, lent me strappy designer sandals – the modern version of the glass slippers – and the evil stepsister had retreated in defeat before the party was even over. Prince Charming kissed me. Let me repeat that. My Edward kissed me. My carriage never turned into a pumpkin. I wasn't reduced to rags after the clock stroke midnight. I just had an ugly bump on my forehead.

I think I liked this version of the fairytale much better.

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**End Rants:**

**Here's a song for the end of this chapter: Run Run Run feat. Z Trip - "Fade into You" (originally by Mazzy Star). Great version, check it out!  
**

**- Longest chapter so far! I hope you enjoyed this one!**

**- There you go! The first kiss!  
**

**- The Emmett/Leah situation was further explained. Something tells me that was not the last we'll hear from it...**

**- "U-Dub" for those who don't know: University of Washington. **

**- How pissed was Tanya with "The Lullaby", huh? How shocked was Bella? Even I was shocked! And yes, Bella is sort of stupid for not listening carefully to it! Well, she's young, sometimes it's too much to handle all at once.**

**- She's living the modern day fairytale, huh? Hmmm... Is she? Stay tuned! :)**

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? Review please!!! **


	11. Vanessa Wolfe

**Notes:**

****EDIT**UPDATE: I got a song suggestion from a dear friend for this chapter. "Cannonball" by Damien Rice. Great suggestion! :~  
**

**Remember when I said to fasten your seat belts last chapter? That was a rollercoaster. This one is more like skydiving. But I'll let you see for yourself.**

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**Chapter 10 – Vanessa Wolfe**

"_If after every tempest come such calms,  
May the winds blow till they have waken'd death! _

_- Othello._

"So you compared your life to a fairytale?"

"I was seventeen, Dr. Meyer. Every girl compared herself to a fair princess or a damsel in distress at some point."

"Not every girl."

"Well, I did."

I heard the tick-tock of the clock behind me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at my wristwatch, afraid of coming across as rude. I was spending an obscene amount of money in therapy yet I couldn't wait for that session to be over.

"So, the fake I.D. Is that how you got your name?" She asked.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Vanessa Wolfe. Is that how you came up with the pseudonym for your novels?"

"Oh. Yes, I guess it was."

Like everything else we had been talking about for the past five sessions, I hadn't thought about that part of my life for almost ten years.

I'm a writer. So far I have twelve New York Times best-selling mystery novels under the aforementioned alias, Vanessa Wolfe. It's a long story, but it all started during my senior year of High School. My English teacher, Mrs. Ray, had signed me up for a writing contest after she read one of my dissertations on Shakespeare's _Othello_. The grand prize was a trip to Paris, and the chance to compete globally with other students my age. As it turns out I was good at this writing thing. I won, both of them. And one thing quickly led to another.

"Well, I think we're doing progress, Isabella. It's the first time you've said his name. Now I can go back to my notes and put an 'Edward' to a face." My doctor joked. But it was no joke. It was the first time I was allowing myself to speak – to even think – his name out loud in so long. It felt like pushing stale air out of my lungs. At first I thought it would be painful, but I suppose even the pain got old.

Somehow, over the years, I managed to detach myself from what I felt – like moulting - and today I just remember it like it happened to somebody else.

"Do you think you miss him?"

I chuckled, I had to think that one through. But I was honest.

"I really don't know. Like I said, until now, I hadn't thought about that in years."

"When was the last time you two spoke?"

"About six years ago, I suppose." I said it without putting an image in my head, but one came anyway. "We ran into each other on the street once."

"And your friend Rosalie and his sister Alice never mention anything to you?"

"Nope."

They knew better. My two best friends vowed a long time ago to never utter his name. It was a silent vow, but Edward – wow, I can't believe I'm finally saying it – was forbidden subject. They didn't say his name, they never talked about him, at least not in front of me. I didn't want to know. I didn't care anymore. They respected that.

"You know we're going to have to talk about what happened after that first kiss, right?"

I looked at her, questioning.

"In order to do any further progress, you will need to let more 'cats out of the bag', if you know what I mean." She explained.

Before I could think about it, I heard the soft chime from the clock. Wishful thinking come true.

"I'm afraid our time's up, Dr. Meyer."

I stood up from the couch and unwrinkled my pencil skirt. Grabbed my purse and turned on my cell phone.

"Same time, next week?" She asked.

"Sure." I asserted as I already headed out the door.

_Let the cat out of the bag_. That was interesting metaphor coming from a Jungian psychoanalyst with a PhD. I had been seeing Dr. Meyer for about two months now. My faithful editor and good friend Jason Jenks recommended me to see a shrink – excuse me, "therapist" - after my seemingly untreatable case of writer's block. I'd told him that maybe my time as a writer was up, that one could only accomplish so much in the course of a lifetime, but he refused to believe my bullshit. He said 'You have to expand your horizons. Face the skeletons in your closet.' Afraid to break a friend's heart and infuriate my publishers, I cave in. If anything, it could turn out as good source material for a future novel. "The Curious Case of The Freudian Doctor Murder".

The thoughts on my junior year in Forks High School followed me all the way to the coffee shop where I was supposed to meet Rosalie. Alice, Rose and I remained great friends, even after college, marriage and life took us to different places at times.

"Hey, Rose, sorry I'm late." I said, looking at my watch.

She already sat by a corner table when I arrived.

"You're not late, I was early." She smiled, looking up from a book she read.

Our weekly routine to meet for afternoon coffee and cookies on Forty-Second and Fifth was one of the several typical New Yorker habits we indulged in together since moving to the Big Apple five years ago.

Rosalie also went to college with me at Brown. Yes, she never became the supermodel we had all our chips bet on. I majored in English Literature and she got a Bachelor's degree in Education. At age twenty-seven Rose had become the Principal for a posh private Middle school in Uptown Manhattan, but something always told me in the back of her head she would rather have gone for the Child Psychology degree instead. I guess she didn't want to face the skeletons in _her_ closet.

"What's it going to be today? Cinnamon Soy Machiatto?"

"Chocolate Chip Mocha. Extra whip cream." She answered. "I had a rough day at work."

"Make that two! I just came back from my shrink."

We stood in line, retelling our day to each other. Rose dealt with rebellious spoiled pre-teens daily, screaming PTA housewives, hormonal "little monsters" as I liked to call them. In Dr. Meyer's office, I dealt with some of my own little monsters. The ones from my past. I wondered who was getting the shorter end of that stick. At least Rose was getting paid to do so. But I only had to face mine once a week, and it was supposed to be "therapeutic". For the amount of money I was spending, I would certainly hope so.

"Guess who's coming to town next week?"

Before I could think of an answer, Rose exploded in excitement.

"Alice! Jasper's been assigned to Iraq for a couple of months and she's coming by for a visit before going back to Washington!"

"No way! That's great! I can't wait to see her!"

Alice and Jasper Whitlock were currently living in Virginia, but he was reassigned constantly after assuming a position in the United States Army Intelligence and Security Command. I never knew exactly what he did, only that it was big and he traveled a lot. That was always a good excuse for Alice to come see us and I loved that.

Alice and Jasper got married a couple of years after High School. Their parents kind of flipped out at the time, but it seemed the right thing to do once Jasper joined the military. Now that I think about it, that was actually the last time I had spoken to Edward. Or very shortly after that. The one time we ran into each other on the street, in Forks, we really pretended not to see. It was easier that way.

Alice pursued a career in fashion, as you would expect. It was hard to have her own clothing store while moving from city to city, state to state constantly. So she did freelance consulting for several designers across the country, once again forcing her to visit us in New York often, at least during every "Fashion Week".

"Alice thinks she might be pregnant!" Rose exclaimed between sips of coffee.

My eyes opened wide. "That's amazing! I hope she's right!"

My best friend was finally putting the cherry on top of her perfectly crafted life. My heart warmed up to that thought. Alice was such an inspiration to both of us. They always teased how they envied my successful career, but Alice was really the one who had everything and a bag of chips.

Rose and I sat there, remembering the last time the three of us were all together at the same time in New York. It was four months ago, during the Summer. Now the last leaves were falling on the ground and I missed my friend.

Throughout a decade, we had become practically sisters, sticking to each other through thick and thin. We were there for one another for the happy times – I was the maid of honor at Alice's wedding – and the bad times, during Rosalie's shocking and devastating breakup with Emmett. The beginning of the end. When Emmett left Rose for Leah Clearwater the week of our High School graduation, havoc had been wreaked and my friend would have fallen to shreds if it wasn't for our support. Alice stood by her best friend, even going against her older brother at times. It wasn't an easy year for all of us, but tragedy took its toll on Rosalie in ways no one could have fathomed.

So Edward wasn't the only Cullen member who wasn't allowed to be addressed in our conversations, needless to say. But our bond was stronger than something like walking on eggshells could have separated us. It only made our friendship stronger.

"So what are your plans for this evening, Bells?"

"Let me check my schedule..." I joked, playing with the scroll on my Blackberry. "Oh! Actually I have a date! I completely forgot!"

We both laughed.

"Nice, you little slut! Is that your, what, fourth blind date this month?"

"Fifth, and it's not technically blind if you met the guy at a lounge, Rose." I smirked.

"Have you addressed your attachment issues with your shrink, Ms. Swan?"

"Nope. We are currently investigating my past. High School."

"Ugh." We both cringed.

"Have you talked about him?"

She didn't have to explain her question.

"Yes, a lot lately, actually. But today was the first time I said his name."

"Wow." Her eyes remained on me and she smiled in a strange way. "I heard he -"

I cut her off.

"Don't." I used my hand to further reinforce the need to stop before she could go any further.

"I've been talking about him in my _past_, Rose. I'm not ready to go to his present." Or future.

Rosalie nodded, understanding. I wasn't ready to let myself think of Edward in the present tense. I had skimmed through every hurtful information and only retained the basics concerning his existence. Edward Cullen, the doctor. The surgery resident of Seattle Grace hospital. The brother of Alice Cullen. That's it, and that was enough.

"It's an early date. I can always blow him off and we can go to a movie instead." I quickly changed the subject.

"No, go. Have fun! Call me when you're done and we'll trash the loser over Haagen-Dazs later."

"Sounds good!" I said and we both high-fived.

We hugged goodbye and as we went on our separate ways, I pondered on the ghosts from my past. There were none in my present and I'd very much like to keep it that way. Ghost-free. Just meaningless, harmless zombies, and eventual attractive mythological creatures, but no ghosts.

Was that the calm before the storm? Should I be afraid, in anticipation, that Dr. Meyer could be opening the door for a possible haunting in my near future?

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**End notes:**

**So now you ask me, HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY MAD, WOMAN? Uh, no. Not yet! :)**

**Yes, we have time-traveled (about 10 years to be exact), but not in a "Lost" kind of way. This wasn't a flash-forward, but more like the previous 9 chapters were a flashback. That was then, this is now. Stay tuned!**

**Comments? Concerns? Wanna scream at the author? Go ahead! REVIEW THIS CHAPTER! Can't wait to hear what you think of it so far and what will happen next! **

**PS: If you have a song suggestion, please feel free to do so!**

**Thanks, Ghi, for the great song suggestion for this chapter. I know you got seriously emo after reading this one. But hang in there! I believe in happy endings. :)  
**


	12. Best Days

**Author's Notes:**

**Sorry it took so long for an update! I'll further explain it at the End Notes.**

**Song for this Chapter: Dashboard Confessional - "Age Six Racer" and "For You To Notice". Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 11 – The Best Days**

"_Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps."  
- William Shakespeare, __Much Ado About Nothing._

When I picked up the phone my eyes were still shut and I think I was half asleep because it took me a moment to notice I had the remote control on my ear and the cordless phone next to my nightstand was now on the ground. I'm surprised whoever was on the other end of the line hadn't hung up on me yet and waited patiently for the switch.

"What?" I muttered, my word was mostly a hum.

"Hey, honey, were you sleeping? I'm sorry! I keep forgetting you're three hours ahead of me!"

"S'okay, mom. Go ahead." I whispered.

My mother, Renee, often called me at the most inconvenient hours. For some reason, she always used the fact that she lived in California as an excuse for everything, like it implied special treatment. Like that made it alright to call someone at four in the morning because of her new zip code. But honestly, my mother's quirky little ways humored me more than anything else.

"Oh, I had a bad dream last night. I had to tell you. You still have that book with the dream meanings, the one I gave you years ago?" My mother was full of energy. Unlike me.

"Uh, no, not here. It's back in Forks, mom." My voice was still barely discernible. I should probably have skipped that last half bottle of wine.

"So anyway, we were in this festival, I think, and everyone was wearing red. And I don't know if it's because I had the air conditioner off here or what but it felt really hot too, like it was in the middle of Summer!" She laughed. "And then this gypsy lady comes to you and looks deep into your eyes and starts telling you how your future was doomed!"

"What did she say, mom?" I asked her, not because I was remotely interested, but because it would be rude to fall asleep while she talked.

"She said you need to stop running. That you can run all you want but time will come for you!"

That's when I got up, turned on my nightstand lamp and sat down on my bed. I listened carefully.

"But you were only five years old! And you started crying! Saying 'Mommy, but I don't want to run!'"

I could hear both her panting and mine, although I tried my best to hide my tension.

"Mom, it was just a bad dream. Don't let that ruin your sleep." I told her, while telling myself the same.

"I know. I just wish I knew the meaning of these odd dreams. The red, the gypsy. I always see you in my dreams as a little girl."

"That's normal, mom. I always dream of our first house in Phoenix, where I'm fully grown in my tiny bedroom, next to my dollhouse and the teddy bears." I assured her.

"Alright, baby, just get some rest. Did you do anything fun tonight?"

"I went on a date. The guy was a schmuck. Heavy drinker, he said he hates reading, he likes country music more than I care to tolerate and he was just... I don't know-"

"Not him." She interrupted me.

I took a deep breath. I wouldn't ask my mother what she meant by that.

"I gotta get up early, mom. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night, mom."

There wasn't enough wine left or exhaustion that could put me back to sleep. I tried reading a book, but the words I read made no sense while my mind drifted to a million different places. My body wasn't even lying on that bed in New York anymore. I was farther away, letting my mind trick me into to a long shut down "memory lane".

The Summer before our senior year was possibly one of the best of my life. The Summer of my four songs, as I liked to recall it.

After our first kiss, Edward would show up unannounced by my bedroom window, like a thief in the night. He would strategically park his car a couple of houses away from mine so Chief Swan wouldn't notice and literally crawl into my bedroom window like it was his playground. At first it scared me to death and perhaps the seventeen year old in me was too infatuated to notice the creepiness in all of that.

But it soon became exciting. The adrenaline rush from those midnight surprises could have given a healthy man a heart attack any day, but I was there, strong and eager, and waiting for him every night. And sometimes, when he didn't show, my chest would sink and I would stand by my window, watching every movement outside until my eyes fought against the rest of my body and I would fall asleep by my window pane. God forbid I ever let Edward see that.

But then one night, in between telling me incredible stories about his family, he asked me a simple question.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my family. Don't get me wrong, I like sneaking into your bedroom, but school's almost out and I'd like to take you somewhere."

We weren't officially "an item" then. Who knows what we were. He did sing a song with my name on it for everyone in that club to hear, but those people didn't exactly go to school with us. We were more discreet around our classmates, we were never seen together in the hallways, or the cafeteria. I spent most of my time sitting at lunch with Rose and Alice but Edward was never around.

Honestly, I enjoyed keeping my romance a secret. I loathed gossip and despite being the new girl in school, I was around long enough to know how vicious those people were. I didn't want their scrutiny on us. Besides, it would ruin a good portion of my thrill.

But Summer came and Edward's family received me with open arms. Alice already loved me and when Edward brought me home to meet the rest of the Cullens, they were nothing but sweet. Edward's father, Carlisle, was the one I met first. He was a very good looking man, indeed, and if I didn't know Edward was adopted, I'd say he got the looks from his father. But Esme, his mother, was just as beautiful. She was a very nice lady, although quiet at times. Bree was away at boarding school in London, so I only met her months later.

They all seemed like a loving, tight-knit family and Edward was very close to his father. Emmett was also very welcoming, but I always had second-thoughts about him, ever since that night at the club. For a long time, I wasn't sure what was going on between him and Leah. I kept that thought in the back burner for a while since Edward promised Emmett would take care of things. As much as my friendship with Rosalie had grown quickly, that subject was really none of my concern.

Tanya was also nowhere to be seen. All I knew was that she got accepted at U-Dub but spent a semester away in Europe. I never asked, but I think a lot of it had to do with that night at the club as well. If the guy I liked had dedicated a song to another girl in front of my friends in a crowded club, I probably would've done the same thing.

By the time Junior year was over, Edward had invited me to spend the Summer with him and his family in Brazil. The Cullens owned no less than an island off the coast of Rio de Janeiro. The _Isle of Esme_ – named after Edward's mother. Some people go to Disney World, or the Keys, or even the Bahamas. The Cullens go to their private island. And that was just one of their many properties.

Of course Charlie flipped out. He had never even heard of Edward and I being an item until then. My mother tried to talk him into letting me go but he refused to give in. Brazil was too far of a country for Chief Swan to let me wander around with a boy. But Edward was such a gentleman, he decided to stay with me while his entire family, including Rosalie and Emmett headed down to South America without us for two months.

My friendship with Jacob Black started to fade ever since I started seeing Edward. I didn't know how to divide my time or my spirit between the two men. After Leah blatantly accused me of toying with her cousin, I was always walking on eggshells around him, afraid he would get the wrong message from me. It really bugged me at first, because I missed my friend. But Edward didn't care for the Quileutes, Jacob loathed the Cullens and I felt torn between the two. Sometimes I would spend my days with Jacob and my nights with Edward. But once my days grew shorter, and my attention span even more so, Jacob was the one who picked up the signals and walked away.

In the back of my head, being with Edward never felt peaceful enough. I couldn't explain why at the time. It was like the two of us, against the world. Against so many people. But I couldn't give any of that up yet. I wasn't ready. I longed for every night that Chief Swan was on duty so that Edward would sneak in my bedroom and play his guitar for me.

Edward made me four songs altogether. He said they were all related, linked to one another. Each of them told a story. The first one, the one he sang at the club, was about how he wanted me to notice him. He would sing about the way I looked, so nonchalant, so evasive, yet he wanted to sound smart and brave, charming for me to want to talk to him. He said I had to let my guard down. Little did he know. I only let my guard up not to get hurt. If only I had kept that guard on for longer.

But then one evening, Edward seemed distressed.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to break the silence.

"I'm gonna have to go take care of some things in Brazil, for the rest of the Summer."

"Why? What happened?"

"Emmett's back. Rose got a modeling job for a month and he used that as an excuse to come home. He's been seeing your friend's cousin, Leah."

"Oh, no! But what does that have to do with you going to Brazil?" I asked.

"I'm gonna have to drag my brother's ass back there. Or he won't stop seeing this chick. We already tried but she's insistent, and he's an idiot. It's only a matter of time until Rose finds out. If she doesn't already know."

"That really sucks. I don't think she knows, though. Do you want me to talk to Jake about it?"

"No. The last thing I wanna do is throw you at the wolves."

"Don't be silly, Edward. Jacob can help. I'm sure they're against this."

"Don't worry. I'll take care of it, Bella. My brother's gonna have to listen to me this time."

Edward held me in his arms in a tight embrace, that ironically, left me feeling empty. He kissed my hair and touched my face and I longed for him even more. I was afraid of losing Edward, even if it was only for a short period of time. We only had a month left until Senior year started, but something in the back of my head told me it meant more than that. I was already missing Edward in anticipation. I suffered for my friend Rosalie, who was unaware of her relationship slipping through her fingers and I wanted to murder Leah for that.

I remember not letting go of Edward for the entire rest of the night. We fell asleep in each other's arms as if it were the last time. I couldn't bring myself to feel angry yet, I just wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted. I hated how every moment I'd spent with Edward was bittersweet. It felt incomplete and it infuriated me to not be able to throughly enjoy it because the end overwhelmed me too much.

The next morning, he was gone. My Summer, for all I cared was over. It didn't surprise me that only two days later, Jacob was parading around my backyard with Chief Swan like it was his own place. I know he was only waiting for me to give in and ask him for a ride on his bike. My little daredevil friend wasn't stupid.

"I thought you would never leave your room, Bells. Are you all emo now?" Jake asked with his usual humorous sarcasm.

"Shut up, Jacob. Did you bring an extra helmet?"

He simply nodded, flashing his sinful smile.

"Of course you did. Are you gonna show me how to ride this thing?"

"Been waiting for you to ask!" He answered.

"Alright. Drag me to hell, Jake!"

"You don't have to ask me twice!"

And that was how I learned how to ride a dirt bike. It took me a couple of falls, but luckily I was never fast enough to break any bones. A few cuts and scrapes, but no bones. Funny how Chief Swan didn't mind his daughter behind a dangerous dirt bike with a sixteen year old but God forbid I went away to an island with someone else's family.

Jake distracted me while I waited for Edward's phone calls or emails. I hung out with my friend during the day, we would go fishing, to the movies, riding bikes, but my life revolved around the time I went home to check my Inbox. My heart stopped every time I heard a beep or a ring from my cell phone. It was getting ridiculous.

"You know, he hasn't called you for over a week now. Maybe you should leave your phone at home for a while." Jake alerted me.

It was true, Edward hadn't called or emailed after his first week in Brazil.

"Maybe he's not getting reception there."

"If he wanted to talk to you, Bells, he would find a way. It's not like he didn't get reception the first week."

"Do you know why he went to Brazil, Jake?"

I had to tell him. My emotions were getting the best of me over this story and the fact that I hadn't heard from Edward in so long only added to my desperation.

"Cause he's filthy rich and that's what they do?"

"No, Jacob. Because of his brother, Emmett. Do you know what's going on with his brother?"

"No, why should I care?"

But I couldn't be that person. I couldn't become the bad guy. This was none of my business and Edward was already taking care of things. I had to trust him and either way, I would be seeing Edward in less than two weeks.

"Nothing. He was just in some kind of trouble." I trailed.

"Why am not surprised?"

He put his arm around my shoulder, guiding me to his house. I felt like throwing my cell phone out in the river that ran through Jacob's backyard. But instead, I just lay it on his dining room table. The battery was almost dead anyway.

There was another bonfire that night. The last one in the Summer – they said. The kids were due back to school soon and that was their way of getting together and celebrating the end of the season. Everyone in the Reservation was supposed to be there, including Leah Clearwater. I was hoping to see her there. Make sure she and Emmett were really over.

I was expecting all the Quileutes to be there, but only the young ones were present this time. The bonfire seemed more like a Spring Break party than anything else. All of Jacob's cousins and friends I had met were there, plus a dozen more that I had never seen. Interestingly enough, there was alcohol involved this time around. As much of a bad boy as Jacob looked, he didn't strike me as the drinking type. From a distance, I could also spot Sam and some other kids getting high around a smaller bonfire. That was all new to me.

But my target was there. Leah Clearwater. In her usual smug little grin that made me want to punch her face every time. I'm not a violent or even impulsive person, but somehow that girl got on my nerves in a way very few people managed to.

"How's your Summer going, Bella?" She caught me off guard while Jake chatted with Sam and Embry.

"Just fine. How's yours, Leah? Wrecking any more homes lately?"

"Nope, just the one, you know. He's gonna break up with her, Bella."

"Is that what he said? Leah, you should stay away from this. Rosalie is a good girl, and she's my friend. You're hurting a lot of people."

"Stay away from my business, Bella. I'm not a child!" She let down her smug grin and looked serious.

"Does Jacob know about any of this?" I asked in a quiet tone.

"No, because Jacob minds his own business, unlike you. Does he know about Edward?"

"Yes, he does, because Jacob and I are friends. That's all."

"Well, doesn't matter anyway. I heard Tanya's down there in Brazil now. Have you talked to Edward lately?"

My blood finally reached its boiling point now. Leah was the type of person who could make me lose my cool over stupid things. But now she had hit a new low. Whether that was the truth or not, that girl was better off disappearing from my face before I could mutter 'excuse me?'.

"Hey, Bella! There you are! Come here, I wanna show you something!"

Jacob saved me – or Leah - just when I was about to create a very unpleasant scene there in front of all his friends and family.

"I need a drink, Jake!" I muttered.

"That's my girl! Come here, we're drinking over there with Sam and my cousins. Do you like whiskey?"

That night, I liked any kind of drink poured in front of me. I was being forever chased by the ghost of that same woman.

So that's why Edward never called anymore. He didn't write. His girl was there. His long time "friend", Tanya. She would soon be back in Washington as well and my life with Edward would be over. I didn't want to believe Leah but how else was she supposed to know?

I couldn't remember much from that night after that moment. I remember walking to Sam and sipping from a silver flask. I remember being very quiet while the rest of the group laughed, joked, passed around multiple joints, and I wasn't left out. But most of that evening became blurry and parts of it remained in total oblivion. Except for when I woke up the next morning.

It was Saturday and my head was pounding like there was a construction site in my brain. My throat was dry and breathing hurt like I had swallowed a cat. I only managed to open my eyes when a sudden move made me fall off the bed. But it wasn't my floor. Or my bed. And I was afraid to look around because I could already smell the pine and the wood. It was definitely not my bedroom. And the half-naked boy lying on his stomach wasn't the familiar face I was getting used to waking up to. It was Jacob Black.

* * *

**End Notes:**

**I was out on vacation in Brazil (don't be jealous) for 2 weeks and that's why it was kinda impossible for me to update.**

**I'm back, so expect a lot of updates in the near future. The chapter following this one is practically ready, so hang in there.**

**HUGE THANKS to all my readers, subscribers and reviewers! Your input helps me immensely and I can't get enough love! Please critique, don't be shy! If you see something worth mentioning, correcting, further explaining, let me know!!!**

**I know I'm posting a lot of Dashboard Confessional songs lately, but 1) It's my favorite band and 2) It fits quite well in this period of the fic. It will start to change soon.**

**"_For You To Notice_" is part of a series of songs from an EP called _So Impossible_. My version of Bella's Lullaby is inspired by this series. The pieces will soon fall into place.**

**Thanks for Reviewing!**


	13. Hand Me Downs

**Keeping the ****intro short here.**

**UPDATE!!! There was an error in continuity/timeline in this chapter. See note at the end of the chapter, once you're done.  
**

_**This Fan Fiction**_**_ is ____based_ on the Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 12 – Hand-Me-Downs**

"_Justifying your crimes by comparisons _

_Making myself a corrupt pleader by trying to remedy your misdeeds, _

_Excusing your sins and even sins you haven't committed;_

_For I bring reason to side with your sensual faults-- "_

William Shakespeare, Sonnet 35

I spotted Alice waiting for me outside the airport terminal. I loved the sense of comfort it brought me every time I saw my friend and her ridiculously chic luggage ensemble perfectly accompanying each other. That was my best friend. It was exactly what I expected and exactly how I loved her.

She saw me pulling over to the curbside and waved, flashing her huge smile. I popped up the trunk before I got out of the car to help her store all her bags in. _Packing_ and_ lightly_ were two words that did not belong together in Alice's vocabulary.

"Alice, are you moving to New York and forgot to tell me?" I joked before giving her a big hug.

"Don't be such a bitch, Bella. Part of the volume is due to the incredible Spring collection I may or may not share with you, depending on your behavior." She smirked.

With every trip Alice took to New York, she always brought a suitcase full of her "hand-me-downs", as she likes to call it. But they weren't exactly goodwill material. The garments were firsthand designer pieces she got to sample before some of them even hit the runways. As a trend advisor, she got to try on shoes, dresses, handbags sooner than the general public. Like getting an advance copy of a novel straight from the publisher's hands. Whatever she didn't keep for herself, she passed right along to Rosalie and me. We always had a blast playing dress up in my apartment, over fine wine and bad eighties music. We loved poking fun of some of the outrageous "ready-to-wear" combinations I wouldn't be caught dead wearing, even in the open-minded streets of Manhattan.

"Rose will meet us at my apartment after work. She's bringing takeout from that French restaurant you like, but we can go out if you prefer."

"No, I'm exhausted. Staying in tonight will be nice." She said.

She paused before she continued.

"I think I'm pregnant, Bella!" She smiled and waited for my reaction.

Rose had anticipated the information last week, but I wanted to hear it from Alice before commenting on it. We both squealed in excitement.

"That's great, Alice! Have you taken a test yet?"

"No, I was waiting to take it with you girls, here. I know it sounds silly, but I wanted us to all be a part of it."

"Wow! I'm so happy for you! And Rosalie will flip out – you know it! I think you should let her take the duties of being the godmother, for this one."

I knew how much it would mean to Rose. It was still a bittersweet part of our past that she had to sit out on being Alice's maid of honor. They had been close friends since childhood, but Rose was still too shaken at the time to fulfill the requirements of such a role. Shaken, actually, would've been nice. Rose was a zombie for two years. I practically dragged Rosalie to class our freshman year of college, made sure her bills were paid on time, watched her pretending to have three meals a day. It wasn't easy.

When the time came to prepare for Alice's big day, Rosalie wanted very much to be a part of it, but it was incredible enough that she even made it to the wedding. She cried throughout the entire ceremony but her tears were not filled with joy. They were the ones of someone mourning the loss of a loved one, as she watched Emmett parading Leah around in his arms. The arms Rosalie had known better than anyone else for four years.

But enough time had lapsed since and I knew our friend was more than ready to become a part of Alice's family now, even if indirectly. Rosalie loved children more than anything and it was a given that she would make the perfect godmother.

" I know! I thought about that. Of course, I would love you to be my kid's godmother but it would mean the world to Rose."

I nodded in agreement.

We didn't have to say anything else. I wondered if it would be a boy or a girl. If they would inherit Alice's eyes or Jasper's golden locks. Either way, that child would be spoiled rotten from day one. I smiled at that thought.

I drove Alice the forty-minute ride to my apartment in Tribeca with the music turned off. Silence felt comfortable to me, at least. I couldn't help remembering the last time I had the radio on while driving in my car with Alice.

It was about three years ago, in one of our many trips outside of Manhattan. We were going to The Hamptons for the weekend. It was the perfect summer day. I don't know why I didn't have my iPod plugged in that day, maybe the battery was dead, or who knows. Alice keeps telling me how everything happens for a reason and I insist on refusing to believe. People make their own choices in life, we are responsible for our destiny. But she thinks it's a combination of both. "Cosmos" and people. "Timing is an agent too, Bella. You can only control so much." She would say. But I digress.

So that day was one of the rare occasions that I listened to the radio. I browsed through the stations until we could find any song remotely tolerable. Between static, silence and bad music, my fingers finally froze at the dial when I heard a tune that was vaguely familiar. An electric current was sent to my veins and it only took me a few seconds to identify the strum of the guitar, the melody I would've recognized anywhere. Even through static. Anywhere.

Alice didn't bother looking at my perplexed face before she leaned over to switch stations herself. But I cut her off.

"No, no, put it back on, Alice! Let me listen to it!" I was already snapping her finger away from the dial.

I turned up the volume and my brain flooded with acknowledgment. It was Edward's song. My lullaby. Only it wasn't Edward's voice. The arrangement was completely different as well but the lyrics remained untouched, and the melody was impossible to go unnoticed. The skeleton of the song that once embedded my relationship, my life, still lived in someone else's voice now. In someone else's soul.

I looked at Alice questioningly. She waited for my realization with apprehension in her eyes.

"I meant to tell you, Bella, but I kept stalling, I guess." She shrugged then gulped. "Edward sold the rights to the song."

"When?" It was barely a whisper. She had to read my lips.

"A while ago, I don't know, maybe a year, maybe two? He knows the band and they really liked your song. He sold it." She finished.

'_He sold it_'.

Edward had sold the rights to the song. He went and let somebody else sing it instead of him. Like passing along a car, a house, Edward sold a slice of his heart. Just like that. The last reminder of a time – the sweetest time of my life – now belonged to someone else. It would now be immortalized by some random pop-rock band who probably had no idea what it meant to us, what it meant to me, and further brainwashed into so many people's heads who would mouth the lyrics while stuck in traffic, like it was nothing.

That was the last time I heard my song. "Bella's Lullaby" was now some other Bella's serenade from a boy to a girl in Biology class. Some other Bella who looked forward to a party, who brought a friend along, who liked dreaming and drinking coffee after bedtime, who liked long drives and things that didn't quite fit in.

"He made them change the name of the song." Alice tried to console me with her sweet voice. "He wanted to make sure your name wasn't used."

Like it hadn't already been. Like it hadn't already been abused, and chewed out, leaving a bitter taste in other people's mouths. At least he spared me further humiliation. I should probably have sent him a thank you note or a medal. Whichever made him the hero he thought he was by leaving my name out.

Of course I never listened to the radio anymore.

The long drive to my apartment allowed Alice to fall asleep, letting me daydream alone on that fateful day. The truth is that I missed my song. I missed the only guy that ever meant the world to me, write me song and sing it to me. But the last memories of us had been sold three years ago and they now belonged in other people's lips.

I know this is supposed to help me, but before therapy, very rarely did I think of him. He had been conveniently buried in the past. If only my relationship with Edward had been a long one, it would have been easier to explain why we left so much damage behind. But in fact, the time we spent apart, trying to move on was longer than the time we really shared together, just the two of us. Maybe there never was a "just the two of us". I think we always had a crowd.

"We're here, sleeping beauty!" I woke Alice up quietly, interrupting her sleep and my destructive reverie.

"Wow, I'm sorry. I got no rest during the flight. I'm just so tired lately!" She said.

"You must be napping for two now!" I joked.

I took her bags out of the trunk and we made our way upstairs from the garage. I'd sworn to myself years ago to never move out of this building, since it was one of the very few in Manhattan with an impeccable indoor garage. Of course, that came with a price.

"Let me call Jasper to let him know I made it here okay."

"Sure, you can use my home phone. Use the cordless by the kitchen counter." I pointed as I placed her luggage in the guest bedroom.

I made sure everything had been prepared for Alice's arrival that Wednesday afternoon. I didn't have guests stay at the apartment often. My mother would come maybe once or twice a year with her husband Phil, but my dad was harder to drag from Forks. Usually I was the one who had to travel across the country for certain holidays and special occasions. Every time Alice came to New York, she stayed with me and then Rose would come along and we would throw huge slumber parties.

My apartment in Tribeca was more of an oversized loft with two bedrooms and a study. I didn't need more than that. It was already spacious enough for a small family, but I didn't even have a dog. This was the first and only place I bought since moving to New York after college. I began my career as a published writer during my sophomore year in Brown, after winning several writing contests across the globe. Technically, I didn't even have to finish college and get a degree, but I insisted on getting an education. Also, I did it to stay close to Rosalie and make sure she had her head over her shoulders.

Financially speaking, I had been well off since my first published novel. My four years at Brown had been fully taken care of by the money I won at those contests. Chief Swan or my mother never had to spend a dime.

Being a writer gave me the chance to travel places I couldn't have dreamed of before I moved to Forks. It started in Paris, during my senior year in High School, and then I quickly braced the rest of the world. It also became very lonely. But loneliness is something you can get used to when you're distracted.

"I couldn't get a hold of Jasper, but I left him a message. I'm not sure what time it is in Baghdad right now and it's almost impossible to get a hold of him right away." She frowned.

"We can try later, and you left him a message so he can call you back here, as well."

"So what time is Rose coming over?" Alice asked.

"I'm not sure she has any meetings after work, but it shouldn't be after seven. Do you want to go downstairs for a short trip to the drugstore?"

We both smiled in acknowledgment. I was just as excited for my friend as she was.

"So, what makes you think it's for real this time?" I asked Alice as we headed down the elevator.

"Well, I've been feeling nauseous a lot lately, and tired – like you saw -, and cranky. And the other day I was crying over some stupid dish detergent commercial on TV. But I never got my period, so..."

"Did you tell Jasper?"

"No! It's a surprise! I don't want to get his hopes up until I know. This job in Iraq is important to him, and he'll be back soon. The baby can wait!"

Alice really did glow, even through her apparent exhaustion, and undereye circles, she seemed in utter bliss.

It was a chilly afternoon. But the weather was nice, it wasn't raining, and it was starting to get dark earlier this time of the year already. We both had our jackets and scarves on as we strutted through the two blocks that separated my building from the nearest Duane Reade.

Alice was unusually quiet on our way there and even when we got to the store. Perhaps she was still jet lagged or babies really do make you exhausted, but being quiet is really not typical Alice Cullen-Whitlock. I wonder if she was scared of the result being negative. I know Jasper and Alice have been trying to have a baby for a while now, but we were all still young, and she had plenty of time to keep on trying. There was no reason to be pessimistic.

"Are you okay, Alice? You don't seem like yourself." I brushed my hands around her shoulders, comforting her.

"I feel nauseous, Bella. I'm gonna look for a restroom, I'll be right back."

Her quiet tone alarmed me.

"I'll follow you and I'll wait right outside in case you need me."

We found the nearest restroom and I stood outside, holding her purse. I understand how morning sickness is expected during early stages of pregnancy, but Alice had turn paler than a ghost. Maybe we should skip the pregnancy test and just get her some _Pepto Bismol_ instead.

Alice left the bathroom shaking, she looked even worse. It started to worry me.

"How do you feel, Alice? You look terrible."

"Call Jasper, Bella. I don't feel good. Or call my father."

"But what happ-"

I didn't have time to finish my question. Alice's body became stiff while I struggled to hold her in place. But her tiny frame quickly fell like a rag doll, lifeless towards me, and my weight was just enough to support her, keeping her head from hitting the ground. Her hands and feet started to violently jerk and twitch while I still focused on keeping her head safe.

She was having a seizure and I had to remain calm. People around us noticed what happened and gasped in reaction.

"Call 911!" I shouted.

I vaguely remembered what to do. I knew I had to remain calm but it wasn't simple. Edward once briefly explained to me years ago what to do in case someone – especially Alice – ever had a seizure. _Don't try to wake her up, protect her head. Make sure she doesn't choke. Time the seizure. Call 911. _

While I held Alice in my arms, fighting back tears, I looked for her medication in her pockets, but I found none. I quickly emptied the entire contents of her purse on the ground looking for a clue. But I knew my friend hadn't had a seizure in several years and although she kept it under control with medication, her condition progressed incredibly over the years. I'm sure by now she was neglecting her meds.

The stranger next to me alerted the paramedics were on their way. A crowd was starting to form. I had to call Jasper.

I grabbed Alice's cell phone from the ground and dialed her husband's number from my phone. It went straight to voice mail. I couldn't find another number to reach him. There was no time to leave a message. I had to try her father, Dr. Carlisle, next. He would know what to do.

"_This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, I'm currently unavailable, if this is an-_" I snapped the cell phone shut, angrily.

"God damn it!" The answering machine frustrated me.

I had to call Rose. But Rosalie wouldn't be able to help us. I had to face the inevitable. I had to call the only person left.

My hands were shaking as I picked up the phone again from the ground. I took a deep breath while I browsed through Alice's address book. She was no longer convulsing by now. She fell into a deep slumber and it felt like forever until the godforsaken paramedics showed up.

I trembled and fought back tears while slowly dialing his digits from my phone. There was only one ring.

"Dr. Cullen speaking."

"Edward..." I tried not to stutter. But my mind seemed to have left my body already.

"Bella...?" He sounded surprised.

"Edward," I repeated. "It's your sister."

There was only silence at the other end of the line.

I took another deep breath.

"Alice is in New York. Something happened."

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**End Notes:**

**UPDATE: Corrected: Bella goes to Paris during her senior year of high school and not after. She wins the contest and takes the trip during Christmas break.  
**

**OKAY DON'T GET MAD AT ME! I know you are curious about what happened between Jacob and Bella in the previous chapter, but hang in there! It will be explained soon. **

**I don't know about you guys, but even my heart was pounding while Bella dialed the fateful number at the end of this chapter. What did you think?  
**

**Don't really have a song for this chapter, but just so you know, the lullaby Edward sold is deeply inspired by the series from the EP aforementioned "So Impossible" by Dashboard Confessional. Still waiting on song suggestions. But since Bella is going through her "no music" phase, so is my mind!  
**

**I highly recommend you guys Google Shakespeare's Sonnet 35. It's one of my favorites and very touching! I would post the link here if I knew how to do so... Still learning the inner workings of FanFiction dot net!  
**

**Thanks for all you reviews and keep sending me input! **

**It's food for my brain! :)  
**


	14. Before The Storm

**A/N:**

**Lots of End Notes! Please read once you finish the chapter!  
**

**Song for the Chapter: "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap.**

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**Chapter 13 – Before The Storm**

_"**First Witch**: When shall we three meet again  
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?  
**Second Witch**: When the hurlyburly's done,  
When the battle's lost and won. "_

William Shakespeare, Macbeth.

The rest of that conversation was short and bewildering enough to get muffled by the sound of all the voices around me, curious bystanders, and then the loud siren from the ambulance outside. I didn't have the chance to replay every word in my head from our brief interaction because my mind urged me to keep all my focus on the present situation.

"Female, Whitlock, first name Mary Alice. Twenty-eight years old..." Repeated the Paramedic next to me while reading Alice's driver's license. Another paramedic checked her vitals, where my friend still lay on the ground.

After quickly immobilizing her, they proceeded to the ambulance, where I followed. I hadn't had the opportunity to call Rosalie yet. I would have to wait until we got to the hospital.

Alice started to wake up in the ambulance, where they gave her some kind of injection. She was disoriented and the oxygen mask they put on her face prevented her from speaking.

I gripped her hand tightly, and I wanted to make sure she saw my face, but I wasn't sure she understood any of it yet. I just didn't want her to feel like she was lost when she opened her eyes. Or alone.

It only took Rosalie twenty minutes after my phone call to get to the emergency room at the NYU Langone Medical Center. I saw her running through the doors as I once again, tried contacting Jasper without much success. She hugged me as soon as she spotted me, and once again that day, I had to fight back more tears.

"She's okay now. She's sleeping." I assured her, in a calm voice. Trying to keep my emotions in control.

"She hadn't had a seizure in over three years. We all thought it was well under control." Rosalie whispered.

"She stopped taking her medication. That's what her medical records said." I told her.

We sat down on the white couch at the cold reception area. I held my face between my fingers with my elbows resting on my legs. So many thoughts I struggled to block. So many voices I pushed back to the silence of my memories.

"Have you talked to Jasper yet?" Rosalie asked.

"No. His phone is off. I'm gonna try his office when I get the number from Alice's in-laws. I also tried calling her father but his phone was going straight to voice mail."

"So her family doesn't know yet?"

"I called him." I looked up to face Rosalie. "I called Edward."

She waited in silence for me to continue.

"He's on the next flight here. He's contacting Carlisle and Esme right now."

Rosalie rested her palm over my hand, looking straight into my eyes. We both sighed. My friend's silence let me know she understood that wasn't an easy thing for me to do. But we both knew this also wasn't about me. Or Edward. It was about our Alice.

That's when I spotted one of the doctors walking through the hallway. We both stood up and I marched towards the man in the white jacket holding a clipboard.

"Doctor!" I called. "I'm Isabella Swan. I brought Alice Whitlock in, about an hour ago. How is she?"

The doctor looked down at his clipboard before quickly scanning both Rosalie and I in odd scrutiny.

"Ms. Swan, you said? Are you a member of the family?"

"No... I... We're her best friends." I stuttered, but including Rosalie in the conversation. "I was with Alice when she... collapsed." That last part struggled to come out of my mouth.

"I see. Mrs. Whitlock is stable for now. We're running some tests on her, but I can't give you further information until one her family members is present. I'm sorry." He said in a courteous but in a clinical tone.

I sighed in chagrin and tried peeking over her chart.

"So she can't go home yet?" I asked.

"No, she has to stay. I'm sorry." The doctor answered.

"Is the baby okay?" Rosalie asked, sort out of the blue.

We stood anxiously for an answer – any kind of positive feedback – and the doctor looked as us confused. He browsed Alice's chart again, flipping through the pages in what felt like the longest five seconds.

"I'm sorry, what?" He asked.

"The baby. Alice is pregnant, correct?" I reformulated Rosalie's question.

The doctor pressed his lips and shook his head.

"I can't give you any medical information until her family arrives, like I said. But from the blood tests we got back, I can tell you Mrs. Whitlock is not pregnant." He said in a low voice that was clear enough to stir the necessary emotions we struggled to keep beneath the surface.

"I recommend you go home for now, these tests may take a while and you can come back once a family member arrives." The doctor walked away before we could say anything else. We stood there speechless for a moment. Both trying to digest all the information at once.

"I'm not leaving, we need to try to get another doctor to talk to us." I said firmly.

"It's no use, Bella. The doctor is right, they're not authorized to tell us much until Ed-" She paused and rephrased it. "Until he gets here." She carefully continued. "You should go home and get some rest, take a shower. You look tired. I'll wait here and try calling Jasper again."

"I'm not tired!" I replied.

"Fine. Then just go home to get some fresh air. Grab Alice some cozy blankets and a comfy pillow, since she's gonna have to be here for a while." She insisted. Rosalie had been working her persuasion skills for years. It always worked on me.

I just nodded in acceptance, sighing and showing her she won that argument.

She gave me a warm smile. "I promise to call you if I hear anything. And I'll be here when you come back."

We hugged goodbye and I walked outside.

In the cab on my way home I finally had some alone time to think straight. Rosalie was right. Despite all my worry, my fears and the adrenaline from the events of today, I was starting to feel tired. I barely got any sleep the night before, and I knew the moment the crash from all this stress arrived, it would hit me hard.

But I wasn't ready for a nap just yet. I would go home, retrieve some things for Alice, take a shower and later head back to the hospital. While Rosalie was around, it would be easier to avoid Edward's presence. We could take turns with Alice and that hospital was big enough to accommodate both of us while still remaining in separate areas. Both of us in the same building. Even in a city like New York, that area felt suddenly relatively small.

When I re-entered my apartment, the first thing I touched when I dropped my keys down was the picture I meant to put away last week but didn't.

********

One week before Alice came to visit us in New York, I received a letter from my father.

As I came home that Wednesday from a meeting with Jason Jenks, I followed my usual routine. I dropped my keys down on the corner table by the foyer and picked up my mail. While I entered my living room and took off my jacket and scarf, I browsed through all my correspondence. There were the bills, the event invitations, newsletters and then a thick envelope with a familiar sloppy script. The sender was Charlie Swan. I smiled when I recognized his handwriting because I found it amusing how my father was one of the few people left on the planet to still send actual handwritten letters.

In the letter, he reminded me how Thanksgiving was coming soon – only three weeks away. Charlie always urged me to come home for the Holidays and I often hesitated, making up some lame excuse. I liked to overdecorate my apartment and send him pictures in a feeble attempt at luring him into coming to New York instead of making me return to Forks. That small town always brought me bittersweet memories. And reminiscing around the Holidays is a well-known recipe for depression and melancholy.

Like his guilt trip in form of a letter wasn't enough, Charlie attached some old pictures this time. Actual pictures taken with an actual camera – not a digital one. Back in the day when people still sent films to get developed at the local Thriftway.

Some were from my high school graduation, with Alice, my father and I. Some were with my mom, when she went to visit me in Forks when I came home from France. And some of them didn't belong to me. They were pictures I actually had never seen before. Jacob and I posed together on the beach at La Push. I remember that day. It was the Summer of 2004. I was seventeen, Jacob sixteen.

I didn't have to read the caption on the reverse side of the photograph to see who they belonged to all these years. I could smell that very familiar scent of pine, wood and smoke.

'_I helped Jacob pack over the Summer. He just moved to a bigger house. We sat down one afternoon and looked through old pictures. He wanted me to have these and so I thought you'd want to see them too._' My father wrote on the back.

I thought it was all very ironic how I had been taking this trip down memory lane over the last couple of months in Dr. Meyer's office and now my father just granted me with a show-and-tell.

But that scent from the old pictures followed me as I took a shower and tried to escape, even if for a few moments.

_Pine. Wood. Smoke._ Some memories hurt. And the truth hurts. That fateful Saturday when I woke up in Jacob Black's floor – hungover like nobody's business -, truth would hurt more than the bump I felt on my knees as I hit the ground. It would hurt more than the thumping in my head from all the excess from the previous night. I wish I could've forgotten. But I didn't.

For a while the memory loss from the heavy drinking served me well. There was only oblivion – and a million questions. No answers. Only fear.

The morning I opened my eyes and realized I was in Jake's bedroom, reality didn't want to greet me in the face yet. The sun was shining brightly outside – something that didn't happen very often in Forks. A painful foreshadowing that the world moved at a slightly different pace and perhaps, I even moved in the opposite direction.

I was confused. I wanted to cry while Jacob still slept peacefully. Like a child who wakes up in the middle of the night during a sleepover at a friend's house, I got strangely homesick.

I finally composed myself from the ground, stood up and sighed in relief when I realized that although I was barefoot, and my shirt was untucked, I was still fully clothed - unlike Jacob. I leaned over where his bare chest and back were sprawled across a twin bed that looked way too small for a man his size and poked him on the shoulder.

"Jake..." I whispered. But his stiff muscles never moved an inch. "Jacob! Wake up!" I insisted.

He had his back to me. He didn't seem at all bothered by all my poking.

"Jacob!" I raised my voice. He finally made a slight move.

"What?" He mumbled.

"Jake, wake up! I gotta leave, but before, we gotta talk."

While Jacob moved around slowly but surely, I searched for my shoes under his bed and between the pile of clothes that laid around his tiny bedroom. I couldn't find the rest of my belongings or my cell phone. _Damn it_. _My stupid phone!_ I had left it on his dining room table the day before. Its battery was probably dead by now. I wondered if Billy Black was home to witness my walk of shame. Or if Charlie had already sent a search party after his missing daughter.

I took a deep breath before creating the courage to slowly open Jacob's bedroom door and peeking out in the living room prior to making my grand entrance. Luckily for me, no one seemed to be around. The house was silent, except for Jacob's mumbling unintelligible words, probably cursing me under his breath for waking him up. Like I cared.

My phone and my wallet both sat still on the same table where I put it to rest that Friday afternoon. Still no sign of my shoes. I quickly flipped the phone open searching for any sign of life, and to my surprise, although the low battery sign blinked convulsively on the screen, I could see there were four missed calls and new voice mail. My heart skipped a beat and I scrolled down to look at the log.

Two of them were from "Unknown Number" registered at six pm - only one hour after I had abandoned my cell phone last night. The first week Edward had called me from Brazil, all calls came from "Unknown Number"'s . I shook my head in denial. Edward had finally been trying to reach me and I couldn't even call him back.

The next missed call was from Charlie's cell phone. Sadly, my father's possible worry was very low on my priority list at that moment. The final missed call was from a number I didn't recognize: area code "305". I had no idea who that could be. I was still unfamiliar with all Washington State area codes, but that didn't seem like it came from any of our surrounding counties.

I prayed the battery life on my phone would bear with me for just another moment until I checked my voice mail in hopes there were any messages from Edward.

My hands were sweating as I pushed the buttons and listened intently.

"_Your mailbox is full. Please delete stored messages so that new ones can be received. You have four new voice messages:_

_"First voice message received Friday, August 27__th__ , six-o-two pm: _

_'Bella, I tried calling you earlier this week but we got a bad storm and we lost all phone reception in the island. I'm calling from Rio. I'm at the airport, on my way back. I'll try calling you later.'" _

The voice was unmistakable. All my blood seemed to rush down from my head to my extremities. All this time, I had been angry at Edward for not calling me, and it never occurred to me he could be experiencing bad weather conditions and other adversities that kept him from reaching me.

I pushed the button to delete that message and listened to the next.

"_Next voice message received Friday, August 27__th__, seven twenty-three pm:_

_'Bells, it's Charlie. Just wondering where you been. You're probably at Jake's with the kids. I'll try calling Billy. Have fun. Later.'"_

My dad's message was short and sweet. Billy probably explained where I'd been. Hopefully leaving details such as "In Jacob's bedroom" out of the conversation.

The constant beeping from the low battery signal was exponentially annoying and felt like a time-bomb. I rushed through my messages.

"_Next voice message, received Friday, August 27__th__ eight-thirty pm:_

_'Bella, I know you must be angry that I haven't called, but I hope you can see me when I come home. I'm landing in Miami tomorrow morning. I... My flight is boarding now, I'll call you when I land.'"_

Edward's voice sounded distressed. His tone was strange, like there was something lurking underneath and it worried me. Guilt suddenly took over my thoughts. Edward thought I was upset for him not calling me. I truly was, but for the wrong reasons.

_"Next voice message, received Saturday, August 28__th__, three-fourteen am:_

_'Bella, I know it's early, I landed in Miami and lost my phone in Brazil... I need to see--'"_

Silence. That was it. When I held the phone in front of me to push the buttons once again I saw it was suddenly and completely off. I cursed at it, as my heart skipped several beats. Edward was getting closer to me by the minute. And I was closer than ever to finding out that I may or may not have cheated on him. In my heart, I already felt like a cheater.

When I didn't hear any sounds from Jacob's room, I exhaled deeply to recompose myself and took the liberty of going through Billy Black's kitchen cabinet. I made Jacob and I a fresh pot of coffee in order to wake both of us up. Well, him, actually. I was already up and running. I needed that kid to sober up from the night before and give me a ride home as fast as possible. But more importantly, I needed him to fess up and tell me exactly what went down last night, since my stupid drunk self couldn't remember a thing.

I stepped back into his room, putting on my most assertive face, ready for the questioning. I wasn't surprised to see Jake had gone right back to sleep. Putting the coffee cups down by his computer desk, I went back to poking and shaking Jacob.

"Wake the hell up, Jake! Seriously. Time to get up!"

I'm not an orderly, obsessed-with-cleaning type of person, but looking around at Jacob's messy room just made me want to start picking up his random pile of clothing scattered around and folding every single item back in place. Jacob's mom left him and his father when he was little. I could see the result of that right in front of me.

"Stop picking up my shit, Bella. You're not my mother!" He mumbled.

"Oh, good! You're finally up." I said in a sarcastic tone. But then I relaxed. "We need to talk."

He raised an eyebrow and watched me curiously, almost sketching a grin as I sat down.

"So, I guess it's safe to say we both got pretty wasted last night."

With his arms crossed, he simply nodded.

"Here. Take some coffee." I handed him one of the mugs.

"I hate coffee." He replied, making a face. But the coffee smelled divine and I know it was inviting.

"Jake, what happened? What did we do?" I whispered.

"Oh!" He snorted. "The classic 'did we...?' morning-after question!"

"Jacob Black, you are sixteen years old, you're not old enough to know what the 'classic morning-after question' is!"

"And you're what, Little Miss All Grown Up? Seventeen? Right!"

"That's why I need to know, Jake." I lowered my voice. "In all seriousness now, please, what happened?"

After he took a sip of the coffee, he finally eased up, and just showed me a heartbreaking frown.

"Don't worry, Bells. Nothing _like that _happened. We did kiss, if you really want to know. And it was good - not that you would remember. But then we both passed out."

"We... kissed?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded.

"We just kissed?" I repeated.

He shrugged.

"That's it?!"

"Hate to disappoint you. You didn't corrupt my innocence."

I threw a pillow at him and thought about sticking my tongue out, but I was still playing 'Little Miss All Grown Up'.

I sighed before continuing, reason coming to my senses.

"You know I'm sort of with Edward, right, Jake?" I stated, in an almost apologetic tone.

"The Cullen. I know. He's gonna break your heart, Bella. That's what they do. But you're a big girl. Go ahead, make your mistakes."

I shook my head.

"Jake... I love you, and I'm sorry. But..."

"I know."

He just shrugged, showing me he understood. But it is what it is. And I didn't want to push the issue. I also didn't want to apologize for kissing Jacob, afraid it would only hurt his feelings even more if I showed regret.

"So you need a ride home, right, Little Miss?"

Jacob stood up, picking one of his t-shirts from the ground and putting it on. He grabbed me by the hand and guided me to the door. He pointed to my shoes, where they stood just by the front doorstep.

The ride from La Push on Jake's bike was silent and relaxing. Once again, I used the fresh breeze to wake my senses up and distract me from the nausea. Well, nausea and guilt. All this underage drinking was certainly doing me no good.

The clouds were now starting to form in the the sky. Like most of the time in Forks, sunny days were short-lived. Rain would soon come pouring on us.

The grass outside my house was humid and so were the gravel and the asphalt. It looked like it had already been raining in the morning. But that wasn't even what grabbed my attention.

When I stepped out of the parked bike, Jacob gave me a tight hug before I even finished taking my helmet off. I had my back to my house when he whispered in my ear.

"Bella, I'm here for you. Whenever you need me. I know you don't see me like more than just a boy. But I'll grow up too."

I looked at Jacob confused. Touched, nonetheless, but I didn't know what his words meant. Of course I knew he would grow up. Jacob already sounded mature for his age. I truly loved him, but no more than a girl loves her best friend.

He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and hopped back on his bike. I noticed a black Mercedes with dark tinted windows parked across the street from my house. It was an unusual car for the neighborhood and I couldn't help but stare in curiosity for a few seconds.

Just as Jake sped away on his bike and I turned around, I heard the sound of opening and closing of a car door. My head shifted right back to realize it came from the mysterious black Mercedes.

Then I saw Edward standing, and leaning against the car, watching me intently. His face was serious and something deeper was swimming underneath the surface of his eyes. I froze still, immobilized by his gaze.

"Bella." He spoke in a quiet voice.

I had rehearsed our reunion in my head several times before. As soon as I saw Edward again, I wanted to run to him, embrace him, telling him how much I had missed him. This was the opposite reaction, because today, something glued me to the ground and I couldn't speak.

"Can we go for a walk?" He asked.

I simply nodded, almost hesitating. Something about that day - perhaps the weather, perhaps the silence or maybe even more – told me I wouldn't enjoy that walk I was about to go for.

**To be continued...**

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**End notes:**

**- This chapter will have a second part, as the last sentence suggested. Since it's a two-part chapter, expect an update sooner rather than later!**

**- HUGE THANK YOU to my reviewers! I know there aren't that many, but you guys rock! SERIOUSLY. I try to reply to each one of you! Keep it up!**

**- I MADE A BLOG for Where Do We Go From Here? Yes I did! The link is on my profile but just type wheredowegofromherefic dot blogspot dot com (replacing the dots) - Can you believe "wheredowegofromhere" was taken?!**

**Basically this blog has a lot of info on music, images, timelines and other details and notes on the story. I try to keep my rant here short (well, except for today), so there ya go. Do visit!**

**- The quote on this chapter goes out to one of my dear readers, JellyFish McGee, who suggested Macbeth. Hope you liked the one I picked!  
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**SHOW ME SOME LOVE (OR HATRED)!  
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	15. Eye of The Storm

**A/N: Part 2 of the "storm" chapters. Take a deep breath, y'all. You will need the extra oxygen!  
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**Song for this chapter – Coldplay - "Warning Sign". (and since we're going the mainstream path, "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy)  
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**Chapter 14 – Eye of The Storm**

I stood still for a few moments before I walked in Edward's direction. I listened to the birds flapping their wings furiously as the weather rapidly changed in a matter of seconds. I could already smell the rain coming. I focused on the loud thumps as I placed one hand just above my chest. I wonder if he could hear it. I wonder if he could read through me.

You know how they always say before a hurricane there's always a moment of incredible calm in the atmosphere? There's something scary about the calm before a storm. I don't even know why it's called "the calm" because you can already feel the wrath of the lightnings and thunder surfacing the horizon. There's that strange breeze and the sky turning from blue to dark gray right before your eyes.

Ignorance is bliss and I wanted to remain frozen in my place, frozen in time, so I wouldn't live to see what was coming next. If only guilt had taken over all my thoughts that day, but I could foresee there was something else lurking in the air. I could read it in Edward's eyes.

Was he angry at me for coming home with Jake? He could be, but that wasn't typical Edward. But then again, in hindsight, I hardly knew Edward at all.

"How was your trip?" I asked him in a quiet voice.

I was still a couple of feet away from him, keeping a safe distance. Why wasn't I hugging him? Why wasn't I smiling at his homecoming? Why couldn't I be celebrating the return of the guy I knew I liked?

"Good. It was okay." He said, in the same collected tone. His eyes never left sight of mine. I wanted to look away so I couldn't read through them, but Edward's stare was... powerful.

"Where's your car?" I asked. I didn't care, I guess I was buying myself some time.

"Tanya borrowed it."

"Oh." I gulped. "Tanya. She was... in Brazil as well, wasn't she?" My voice was almost a whisper.

"Yes, Bella. She did show up in the end. That's kind of why I wanted to talk to you as soon as I came back."

I knew it. I just knew it. He was going to tell me how he slept with Tanya. How they are back together or how they never actually broke up. How he loved her and not me. I couldn't help closing my eyes for a brief second and wishing I could be magically teleported somewhere else.

I felt a gentle pull and suddenly his arms were around me and my face buried in his chest. I inhaled that scent I missed and the warmth of his body against mine could've melted me to the ground, but I slowly pushed myself away.

"Me too, Edward. I gotta talk to you too."

"I tried calling you when I arrived, but your phone was off and I couldn't leave a message. So I've been waiting for you outside your house for the last couple of hours. Where were you?"

"Jake's." I replied.

"That's all the way in La Push, right? Did you spend the night there?"

"Yes." I said.

What was I doing?

Bargaining. I was bargaining with Edward. If he had slept with Tanya, that made him guilty just like me, and I could offer him my sin in return. Could I forgive him? Technically, I'm not sure Edward was my boyfriend. You can't cheat on someone you're not committed to. Can you? I could handle the truth, I kept telling myself. I can handle it, Edward, just put me out of my misery already.

"Do you often spend the night there, at your friend's?"

"No, I... I hang out with Jake a lot, but it was the first time."

He watched me quietly. Puzzled.

"Did you and Jacob... Do anything?"

"We kissed." I said before he could barely finish.

He raised his eyebrows in an unfamiliar gesture.

"Wow."

I took a deep breath. I couldn't explain the pain in my stomach. I was attacking Edward, with the truth. Yes, it was what happened, but I used it as a weapon. Not a shield.

"I appreciate your honesty, Bella."

My face molded into one big frown. I could feel my lips twitching and my cheeks dropping. I wanted to cry but mostly I just wanted to erase and rewind this conversation.

"You were gone. And I heard about Tanya."

"So you just jumped at the first guy to get back at me?"

He never even raised his voice but it was piercing.

"No... That's not what happened. We had too much to drink. I passed out."

"Great! Maybe you shouldn't drink until you learn how to hold your liquor."

"That's not fair, Edward! That's not even why you're here! Tell me! You slept with Tanya, didn't you?!"

"No, Bella. I didn't sleep with Tanya in Brazil. That's not what I came to tell you."

I felt blood draining out of my face.

"Then... what is it?" I choked out.

He looked up and hesitated.

"Let's get in the car, it's gonna start raining soon."

"I'm fine here!"

"Bella, don't be difficult. Please, get inside." He motioned to the dark tinted car.

I shrugged and made my way around to the passenger's side. The suspense burning a hole in my chest. I sat there uncomfortably, my fingers gripped to the leather seat like I was holding on to my life. I motioned to Edward with my eyes so that he could speak up.

"Bella, last Spring Break, I was in Italy with Tanya. We've been friends since childhood and we often travel together."

"Okay...?"

"Well, we always flirted with the idea of being a couple, but that never really happened because she lived in Alaska, and honestly, Tanya's not really my type, although I love her as a friend.

"In Italy things got... well, flirtier than usual. She got her hopes up, I could sense that. But then I came home. And then I met you."

I swallowed stale air to my lungs.

"I'm confused. Where do I fit in?"

"When I met you, Bella, you intrigued me. I couldn't explain at first. You didn't give me the time of the day but I could sense something deeper. You cared about my family, you were loyal to Alice, I felt this... connection with you. Come on, I know you felt it too."

I nodded. I knew exactly what Edward was talking about. Something beyond rhyme and reason, something words could never describe. But it existed, and it was very real, yet very personal.

"Once I got involved with you, I completely pushed Tanya to the side, ignoring her advances, her phone calls, her messages. She got frustrated but she knew you were in the picture. I told her myself.

"But then she went after me in Brazil. That was a big surprise. We weren't expecting her to go that far over a crush."

"But she did." I said.

He nodded. He brushed his hair with his fingertips – something he always did when he was tense – and stared at the window next to his seat.

"Edward." I called. Silence was excruciating.

He turned his entire body to face me.

"She wasn't going after me because she had a crush, Bella. Tanya went all the way to Brazil to tell me she is pregnant."

If I hadn't been already sitting down, I would've crumbled to pieces, lifeless. I understood then why Edward wanted me in the confinements of a possibly bullet-proof car. I'm not claustrophobic but my head started spinning and I couldn't breathe.

Edward's eyes widened at the sight of my reaction. He waited eagerly for a response, as I struggled to not fall apart in front of him.

I felt my stomach turning like I had been punched and every hair in my body raising in goosebumps.

"I need some air. I think I'm gonna be sick." I managed to mumble as I pushed the car door open. Before I knew it, I was spilling my guts on the gravel.

Some places don't need natural disasters like a hurricane, they have people wreaking enough havoc in the atmosphere.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. It happened before I met you!"

I couldn't go back in the car. So I shut the door with the little strength I had left and started walking towards my house. His words echoing in my brain.

He grabbed me by my arm before I could move further.

"Bella, please. Let me finish."

I took another deep breath through my mouth so I wouldn't inhale his scent.

"Edward. It's done. I need some time, okay? Please, let me go home. I'll talk to you later."

He stood there staring at me, still holding on to my arm. I pushed it back with unnecessary force, stepping away.

"Please." I asked. But then I stood still, in front him.

We both bowed our heads for a moment. I hadn't noticed until now that rain was already pouring down. It soaked my unprotected hair and the thin layer of fabric from my t-shirt. I wish there was a better way to deal with this situation, and I wish I could deny it, but just like the storm, it was hitting me hard on the face.

I looked at Edward in the eye one more time before I turned around. I only allowed myself a second to take in his pain. And so I turned to face my front door and ran as fast I could. I didn't give him the chance to follow me or say goodbye. I shut the door close and let the loud thuds my feet made when I ran upstairs muffle any sounds of his car as he drove away.

*****

When I looked at the clock it was almost eight pm. I hadn't done one third of the things I had planned on doing before I had to head back to the hospital. Exhaustion was getting the better of me.

I heard the phone ringing and ran to my purse to pick it up.

"Rose? I'll be there soon! I just got caught up."

"Don't worry, Bella. Take your time. Alice is stable and Edward's not here yet. We can't see her until he arrives."

"Oh."

"I'll stay here tonight. Please, get some rest and then you can come back in the morning."

"You're right. I do need to get some sleep. But please, Rosalie, call me if anything changes. If you hear anything. Please, do call me."

"I promise, Bella."

"What about Jasper? I need to call his parents."

"Get some rest, Bella. Give me Jasper's number and his parents' number and I'll try again."

"Okay."

I looked through my phone book and gave Rosalie the numbers. We hung up and I browsed looking for another number. One I needed to call immediately.

"Hey, Dr. Meyer, this is Isabella Swan. Sorry to call you so late and on such short notice. I need to reschedule my appointment for tomorrow morning."

"Sure, Isabella. What time would you like to come in?"

"Is eight am too early?" I asked.

"No, it's fine. I have that time vacant."

"Thank you, Dr. Meyer."

"Is everything okay, Isabella?"

"No. It's not. But I will fill you in tomorrow."

"See you then, Isabella."

"Have a good night, Dr. Meyer."

I knew I couldn't face the reunion with Edward after six or so years without clarity in my mind. Since I was already seeking treatment to deal with the ghosts from my past, might as well make use of it. Especially now. Even in the face of such adverse circumstances, like Alice's seizure, I couldn't bring myself to feel prepared to see Edward again.

In the distance and in the darkness of a comfortable memory block, I knew I could go on living my life without him. It was the fact that he still existed, and his presence - that's what made everything so much harder.

Ten years had passed since the first time I tried to push Edward away. Since the first time I tried to tell myself we didn't belong together. And during the first year, I had to live with an ever present Edward who wasn't part of my life anymore.

That Saturday, when he broke the news about Tanya, I contemplated moving to Florida to be with my mother. It was only two days until Senior Year started. But part of me didn't want to show defeat. Although we had been together, Edward was never technically my boyfriend, so running away to Florida would've been the biggest sign of weakness. Also, I loathed the thought of starting over again. Thirdly, there was my father. Even in his own distant way, I knew my father was thrilled to have his daughter back after all those years apart. I didn't want to break his heart and make him think it was his fault that things didn't work out in Forks.

So I stayed. And I lived my Senior year in Forks High School one day at a time. I kept my distance from Edward. I avoided him in the hallways and we only had one class in common - History. I moved my schedule around when I found out his, so that I could have the least amount of classes together with him. I ended up having three classes in common with Alice and two with Rosalie. We became even closer than we were before. Alice comforted me. She was definitely not on Tanya's side. Not that we were picking teams or anything.

Alice and I had English Composition class together, and that ended up being my favorite subject in High School. It was easy to get lost in great novels and fun writing. While I fought a lonely and silent battle to forget Edward, I drowned myself in the books and in creative writing. It was a way to escape, even for a few moments.

When I wasn't at home, in front of a computer, getting ahead of all my assignments in English, I was in La Push. Alice had Jasper, Rosalie had Emmett – or at least she thought she did – and I found solace in Jacob.

The little I allowed myself to know about Edward was that he spent most weekends in Seattle. The Cullens kept the whole pregnancy story under wraps, no one besides me and Rosalie knew about it at school. Sure, Edward was eighteen by then, but still, teen fatherhood in a small town was certainly scandal-worthy material.

Sometimes Edward would wait outside one of my classes, trying to ambush me into talking to him. Sometimes he would call me in the middle of the night and sometimes he waited outside my house in the morning so he could drive me to school. In the beginning, I didn't give him the chance to talk. To explain himself. I tried acting like it didn't affect me but it only backfired. It only made it seem like I was angry, like I felt betrayed. And I didn't want to look betrayed nor defeated.

So I had to try harder. One morning, he offered to drive me to school and I obliged.

"Bella, we can't go on like this. With you ignoring me. We need to talk to each other."

"I know."

"Bella, I am so sorry I'm hurting you with all of this. What happened with Tanya, was before I met you, and now I have to deal with the consequences. She wanted to get rid of it, but Bella, I'm adopted. Can you imagine if my biological mother had felt the same way?"

"You wouldn't be here."

"Exactly. I can't let her do that. I need to face this. And I know it's incredibly selfish of me, but I still have feelings for you. Bella, this doesn't change how much I want to be with you. I'm begging for you to forgive me."

I felt the same way. I was hurt, I was confused and a part of me still felt somewhat responsible for derailing all that happened that weekend, by kissing Jake in La Push. But that still didn't change the fact that I... I loved Edward. I had never felt that way before. Being there next to Edward showed me the feeling was real. It could've been amazing, it could've been effortless, it could've been perfect. But it never was. It wasn't a matter of forgiveness. It was something much bigger.

That love didn't belong to me anymore. There was Tanya. Plus one. And now, love belonged to someone else. And I couldn't compete with that. Edward needed to figure himself out. I couldn't do that for him.

"I'm sorry Edward. I can't. I moved on, and so should you. You should focus on your new life now and what happens next. What we had, was great. But I cheated on you, after all. I kissed Jacob while you were gone. And Tanya is pregnant with your child. I'm no good for you and you're no good for me. Can't you see?"

"Bella...-" He shook his head and I interrupted him before his eyes could ruin my thoughts.

"Please, let me go, Edward."

Leaving Edward that day was one of the most difficult things I had to do in my young life. But it felt like the right thing to do. It was the start of a long journey. That day, I called Jacob to pick me up at school. I caught a glimpse of Edward watching us as Jake and I rode away together. I wanted Edward to go on with his life without me. At least I was trying my best at it.

**********

"Did you succeed?" Dr. Meyer asked, as I spoke about the first three months of our Senior year.

"For a while, definitely." I answered. "My English teacher, Mrs. Ray, signed me up for a writing contest. I had written a couple of dissertations on Shakespeare's works and the one on Othello caught her eye.

"I won the contest and during Christmas break, I was awarded with a trip to Paris."

"That sounds great! I'm sure you needed a break." Dr. Meyer said.

"I did. And I'm sure Edward and Jacob needed a break from me too. While in Paris, I discovered that the distance made things easier. I enjoyed isolation. I loved writing and that kept me busy. In France, I met a lot of people in the publishing business, and they put a good word for me when I applied to schools in the East Coast. I found out I wanted distance from Washington. I knew I wouldn't be able to move on with Edward right under my nose."

"Is that why you went to Brown University?"

"No. Well, yes and no. Sorbonne was actually my first option, but Rosalie needed me. It was a very tough year for her as well. So I chose the school she got into. She was a brilliant student, and got an early acceptance. She was going to give all that up for modeling and being with Emmett. But that fell through the cracks when the truth about Leah and Emmett finally surfaced. I wanted Rosalie to have a chance at a good life."

"Oh." She gasped. "And you broke up with Edward because you wanted him to have a chance with Tanya and the baby. Sounds like you enjoy playing god, Bella."

"That's not what I meant to do! I wanted them to do what was best for them."

"Aren't those choices up to them?"

"Rosalie was a mess! She would've slit her wrists if we let her do what she wanted. I couldn't allow my friend to waste her life away over a guy!"

Dr. Meyer paused and just stared at me for a moment.

"But aside from that, you were finally moving on from Edward. Then what happened? Because he seems to have haunted you for quite a while."

"Yeah. We moved on okay. But then there was prom."

* * *

**End notes:**

**- Moment of silence for you all to curse me for this chapter.  
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**[MOMENT OF SILENCE] [END OF MOMENT OF SILENCE]  
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**- I will post a playlist and possible quotes for this chapter on my blog. As you know, this story has its very own blog! Check it out! Link on my profile! Go! Go!**

****Thank you all for the lovely reviews! My faithful readers who always review - you know who you are! - and new ones who don't even have an account w/ Fanfiction and still leave me a note! Luv u all!****

**- I posted a TIMELINE on the blog! So if anyone is confused in terms of when things happened etc, the answers are there! **

**- ONE SHOTS! I'm posting one-shots soon for this story! Basically, as the story progresses, there will be one from Jacob's POV, from Edward's and possibly Rosalie's. They will be a short side-read to complement some of the chapters. If you have a character POV or a chapter that you would love to see a one-shot about, LET ME KNOW IN THE REVIEWS! :)  
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**- To keep the rant here short, I will post any further comments on this chapter and teasers for the next (you heard me - TEASERS) on the blog! THANK YOU FOR READING! Stay optimistic!  
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